Behavior Speaks Louder than Words!

December 27, 2011

Many times we go through our daily routines without much thought, even such acts as wudu and prayer.  Once someone passed on a quote, “keep smiling for you never know who may fall in love with it”.  It reminded me that all of our actions count, not just our smile.  Sometimes the smallest of our actions may leave a lasting print on someone we cross paths with.  I will never forget one of my staff: I was required to do a bi-yearly staff evaluation which consisted of sitting in on a few classes and writing up a form and submitting it.  This surely affected her chances of getting a merit raise or other benefits.  However, due to a heavy schedule I was not always able to sit in on the 11 classes with the frequency that I really should have. When it came time to write up the appraisal, I made a few strict comments about her always keeping to herself and not interacting with her peers and a few other classroom management issues.  When she was requested to sign it she turned the form in with stiff replies to all points and the basis was- how could I effectively evaluate her when I had not attended her class more than twice.

In all fairness, she was right.  I had not spent enough time to be able to give her a full evaluation.  Maybe other supervisors would have been upset or felt threatened by such a response from an employee.  However I knew that she was right and was only asking for fair treatment.  In the subsequent portion of the school year, I gained a new respect for the teacher as she put more effort into rectifying her shortfalls.  At the same time, I made more of an effort to appreciate her work and to notice it.  Because of her courage to stand up for what was right, I learned a valuable lesson in dealing with colleagues.  I started to increase my attention of the teachers’ best efforts, and tried to give them support to overcome weak areas.

A few years later I decided to stop working and focus on my family. During that time, this particular teacher sent me a message out of the blue telling me how much she had appreciated working with me and she listed a few things that I had done that had really had a positive affect upon her as a person.  One of them was noticing people and recognizing their value as an individual.  I never thought about that.  It just seemed a normal thing that we should do for each other, yet she was not the only one to mention this point.  Time and again it was said how much I had influenced a person, changed how they looked at things, encouraged them to go past what they thought was their limit, and how I was able to see the lion hiding within the kitten.

I often think back to that message.  It touched me so deeply and made me realize that often its the little things which we do that have an impact on people, hopefully in a positive way.  We may never know or hear of how we touched someone’s life.  Our behavior or actions may be planted as seeds and take a long time to grow, but we know that the seeds are there.  For this reason we should always think how we represent ourselves, as human beings and as Muslims.  Does our behavior coincide with Islamic teachings? Does our hijab or dress present the real teachings or are we tied up in trying to be modern? Are we shy to convey to others what we believe in?

The following video is short but the point is so clear!  What we do– or DON’T do– may have strong effects upon those who come in contact with us.  Let us be aware and try to improve ourselves so that we  can always promote the best knowledge, behaviors and attitudes.


Etiquette of Da’wa: Our Speech Should Not Offend Others

December 27, 2011
Gentleness

Image by joesflickr via Flickr

I was attending the Friday prayer at a certain mosque once. In the back corner, I noticed two teenage girls sitting side by side, whispering and giggling throughout most of the khutbah (sermon). It was slightly distracting, but nobody made a fuss about it—except one older woman who was eyeing them with anger the entire time. As soon as the prayer ended, she marched toward them and towered over their small bodies. “YOU CAN’T TALK DURING THE KHUTBAH!!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. You could see the utter humiliation on these girls’ faces, as they lowered their heads and peered at all the spectators observing this embarrassing scene. After that woman’s verbal beating, I knew that immediate damage control was in order if these girls were to ever step foot in the mosque again.

It pains me to see how much aggressive behavior is unleashed on fellow sisters and brothers, all in the name of correcting wrongs, or enjoining good and forbidding evil. Islam is not a religion with a strict code of rules that needs to be imposed upon people. We forget that we are dealing with dignified human beings, who have delicate souls, hearts, emotions, and feelings. They are not inanimate objects on a factory belt, where they can be thrown around, cleansed and polished so the perfect ‘halal’ (appropriate) end product pops out. Each person has a unique life story, and every story has its struggles and difficulties; some people might be converts, or are just starting to learn about their religion. Others might not have had parents who taught them Islam, or parents who imposed religious practices upon them until they felt suffocated and constricted. There are also people who feel lost and are searching for guidance, and there are those who committed major sins and want to repent.

All these people have one thing in common: they want to feel love and acceptance. They don’t want to be humiliated or looked down upon. They want to be dealt with patiently, and they want a secure, nourishing environment to grow in. They want to see warm, inviting smiles that draw them closer to God and to the Muslim community. They want kind words of encouragement and support that inspire them to follow the Prophetic way in their worships, speech and character.  The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) never sugar-coated the truth or stopped calling to the way of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala(exalted is He). Yet, it was his soft, gentle approach that made his message so palatable and soul-satisfying. The Qur’an testifies: “So, by the mercy of Allah [O Muhammad], you were gentle with them—and had you been harsh or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you. So, pardon them, and ask forgiveness for them and consult them about matters…” (Qur’an, 3:159). Look at the beautiful advice of the Prophet ﷺ: “Make matters easy, and do not make them difficult; and give glad tidings and do not turn people away,” [Bukhari]. He ﷺ also made gentleness a beautifying component of everything: “Gentleness is not in something except that it adorns it, and it is not stripped from something except that it ruins it,” [Muslim]. Read the rest of this entry »


Time, Love, Praise and Encouragement in Relationships

August 29, 2010

THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE BEST VIDEO I HAVE SEEN IN SUCH A LONG TIME AND REALLY ITS SO NECESSARY FOR EVERYONE TO LISTEN TO HIS ADVICE IN ALL SECTORS OF LIFE.   WHAT A GREAT GUY.   “YOUR SPOUSE IS A GIFT TO YOU.” “YOUR PARENTS ARE A GIFT TO YOU.”  WE HAVE CHOICES WE CAN MAKE TO IMPROVE OUR LIFE– LETS DO IT!!!  THE SMALL THINGS ADD UP TO BE HUGE THINGS.

oriana   I REST MY CASE I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND ALL WHAT HAS BEEN SAID IN THIS VIDEO.  I do appreciate your comments…


The Rights and Duties of Women in Islam

August 29, 2010


Issues in which men and women are treated alike or women are treated favorably.
This article discusses issues that carry little or no controversy.

1. Education
The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) once said: “Acquiring knowledge is compulsory for every Muslim. (At-Tabarani)
This narration applies equally to men and women. “Knowledge” in this context refers primarily to knowledge of the Holy Quran and Sunnah as no Muslim should be ignorant of his or her Faith, but it also covers other areas of general education, which can contribute to the welfare of civilization. It is precisely the ignorance about their religion among Muslims that has led to men oppressing women because they believe it is permitted, women not demanding their God-given rights because they are ignorant of them, and children growing up to perpetuate their parents’ follies. Throughout Islamic history, men and women both earned respect as scholars and teachers of the Faith. The books of Rijal (Reporters of Hadith) contain the names of many prominent women, beginning with Aishah and Hafsah.

2. Worship
Both men and women are the servants of Allah and have a duty to worship and obey Him. Men and women have to pray, fast, give charity, go on pilgrimage, refrain from adultery, avoid the prohibited, enjoin the good and forbid the evil, and so on. Because of women’s roles as mothers, a role which does not end at a specific time but is a round the-clock career, they have been exempted from attending the Mosque for the five daily prayers or for Jumuah (Friday) prayer. Nevertheless, if they wish to attend the Mosque, no one has the right to stop them.

3. Charitable Acts
Men and women are both encouraged to give charity, and there is nothing to stop a woman giving charity from her husband’s income. Aishah reported that the Messenger of Allah said: “A woman will receive reward (from Allah) even when she gives charity from her husband’s earnings. The husband and the treasurer (who keeps the money on the husband’s behalf) will also be rewarded, without the reward of any of them decreasing.” Asmaa once said to the Prophet “O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing except what Zubair (her husband) brings home.” The Prophet told her: ‘O Asmaa give in charity. Don’t lock it lest your subsistence is locked.’”

4. The Right to Own Wealth and Property
A woman has the right to keep her property or wealth, whether earned or inherited, and spend it as she may please.
This right was granted to Western women only very recently, and the women of India had to wait until 1956 for a right which Muslim women have always taken for granted. Concerning the right to one’s earnings, the Holy Quran says:
“And wish not for the things in which Allah has made some of you excel the others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is reward for what they have earned, and ask Allah of His Bounty. Surely, Allah is Ever All-Knower of everything.” (V. 4:32)

5. Freedom to Express One’s Opinion
Few societies exist in which the ordinary citizen can confront the ruler face to face and challenge his policies. Even fewer societies allow women to be so bold, yet the Islamic ideal has always been open and accessible. This freedom of expression is aptly demonstrated by a famous incident involving Omar the second Rightly- Guided Caliph. Omar was once standing on the pulpit, severely reprimanding the people and ordering them not to set excessive amounts of dower at the time of marriage. A woman got up and shouted, “Omar, you have no right to intervene in a matter which Allah the All-Mighty has already decreed in Quran:
“But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a Qintar (of gold, i.e., a great amount as Mahr bridal money), take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin?” (V.4:20)

After being reminded of this Verse, Omar withdrew his order, saying, “I am in the wrong and she is correct.” Read the rest of this entry »


Rights of Women Guaranteed by Islam

August 29, 2010

One of my viewers is totally convinced that Islam is against the rights of women and that women are nothing more than

slaves to their husbands (add also fathers, brothers etc.)  While we do hear of many stories coming from “Muslim” countries which can sometimes be actually horrific, I do defend that the actions of human beings cannot be used to measure a religion.  It should be that the religion is used to measure its followers.  So if a husband throws acid on his wife’s face because he thinks she is disobedient or rude, this is NOT nor EVER has been, sanctioned by ISLAM.  God is merciful therefore we should also be merciful.  People need to distinguish the habits of humans versus what their religion teaches.  Do you agree with the Machoism in Brazil whereby many women are beaten, burned and abused??  You do not hear us saying that those Christians are so brutal.  Yet brutality at the hands of Christians, Jews and others does occur– because of being a human and erring.

love between husband and wife

A Collection of References from the Quran and Hadeeth about the Rights of Women guaranteed by Islam

Spiritual Equality of Women and Men
Allah has got ready forgiveness and tremendous rewards for the Muslim men and women; the believing men and women; the devout men and women; the truthful men and women; the patiently suffering men and women; the humble men and women; the almsgiving men and women; the fasting men and women, the men and women who guard their chastity; and the men and women who are exceedingly mindful of Allah. (Al-Ahzab 33:35)

Attitudes towards women
O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (An-Nisa 4:19)

Collaboration and consultation
The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other. They (collaborate) to promote all that is beneficial and discourage all that is evil; to establish prayers and give alms, and to obey Allah and his Messenger. Those are the people whom Allah would grant mercy. Indeed Allah is Mighty and Wise. (Al-Taubah 9:71)

Examples of Consensual Decision Making
If both spouses decide, by mutual consent and consultation, on weaning [their baby], there is no blame on either. If you want to have your babies breastfed by a foster mother you are not doing anything blame-worthy provided you pay to the fostermother what you had agreed to offer, in accordance with the established manner. Fear Allah and know that Allah is aware it what you are doing”. (Al-Baqarah, 2:233)

Women’s Right to Attend Mosques
Narrated Ibn Umar: The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, “Allow women to go to the Mosques at night.” (Bukhari Volume 2, Book 13, Number 22)

Narrated Ibn Umar: One of the wives of Umar (bin Al-Khattab) used to offer the Fajr and the ‘Isha’ prayer in congregation in the Mosque. She was asked why she had come out for the prayer as she knew that Umar disliked it, and he has great ghaira (self-respect). She replied, “What prevents him from stopping me from this act?” The other replied, “The statement of Allah’s Apostle (p.b.u.h) : ‘Do not stop Allah’s women-slave from going to Allah s Mosques’ prevents him.” (Bukhari Volume 2, Book 13, Number 23)

Ibn ‘Umar reported: Grant permission to women for going to the mosque in the night. His son who was called Waqid said: Then they would make mischief. He (the narrator) said: He thumped his (son’s) chest and said: I am narrating to you the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him), and you say: No! (Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 0890)

Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Do not deprive women of their share of the mosques, when they seek permission from you. Bilal said: By Allah, we would certainly prevent them. ‘Abdullah said: I say that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said it and you say: We would certainly prevent them! (Sahih Muslim Book 004, Number 0891)

Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Atika bint Zayd ibn Amr ibn Nufayl, the wife of Umar ibn al-Khattab, used to ask Umar ibn al-Khattab for permission to go to the mosque. He would keep silent, so she would say, “By Allah, I will go out, unless you forbid me,” and he would not forbid her. (Sunan Abu Dawud Book 14, Number 14.5.14)

The Common Performance of Ablutions
Narrated Ibn Umar: “It used to be that men and women would perform ablutions together in the time of the Messenger of Allah’s assembly.” (Bukhari: 1: Ch. 45, Book of Ablution)

Women’s Right of Proposal
Narrated Sahl: A woman came to the Prophet, and presented herself to him (for marriage). He said, “I am not in need of women these days.” Then a man said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Marry her to me.” The Prophet asked him, “What have you got?” He said, “I have got nothing.” The Prophet said, “Give her something, even an iron ring.” He said, “I have got nothing.” The Prophet asked (him), “How much of the Quran do you know (by heart)?” He said, “So much and so much.” The Prophet said, “I have married her to you for what you know of the Quran.” (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 72)

Women’s Right of Permission
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! How can we know her permission?” He said, “Her silence (indicates her permission).” (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 67)

Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya that her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah’s Apostle and he declared that marriage invalid. (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 69)

The Right of Women not to be Forced
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: Barira’s husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet said to ‘Abbas, “O ‘Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?” The Prophet then said to Barira, “Why don’t you return to him?” She said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Do you order me to do so?” He said, “No, I only intercede for him.” She said, “I am not in need of him.” (Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 63, Number 206)

Asserting Women’s Rights
Ibn Al-Jauzi narrated the virtues and merits of Umar bin Al-Khattab (Allah bless him) in the following words: Umar forbade the people from paying excessive dowries and addressed them saying: “Don’t fix the dowries for women over forty ounces. If ever that is exceeded I shall deposit the excess amount in the public treasury”. As he descended from the pulpit, a flat-nosed lady stood up from among the women audience, and said: “It is not within your right”. Umar asked: “Why should this not be of my right?” she replied: “Because Allah has proclaimed: ‘even if you had given one of them (wives) a whole treasure for dowry take not the least bit back. Would you take it by false claim and a manifest sin’”. (Al Nisa, 20). When he heard this, Umar said: “The woman is right and the man (Umar) is wrong. It seems that all people have deeper insight and wisdom than Umar”. Then he returned to the pulpit and declared: “O people, I had restricted the giving of more than four hundred dirhams in dowry. Whosoever of you wishes to give in dowry as much as he likes and finds satisfaction in so doing may do so”. quoted in: “On the Position and Role of Women in Islam and Islamic Society

Seeking advice and comfort
Narrated ‘Aisha (the mother of the faithful believers): … Then Allah’s Apostle returned with the Inspiration and with his heart beating severely. Then he went to Khadija bint Khuwailid and said, “Cover me! Cover me!” They covered him till his fear was over and after that he told her everything that had happened and said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadija replied, “Never! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones.” Khadija then accompanied him to her cousin Waraqa bin Naufal bin Asad bin ‘Abdul ‘Uzza … (Bukhari Volume 1, Book 1, Number 3)

The Characteristics of a Believing Man
Narrated AbuHurayrah: Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said: a believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3469)

The Education of Women
Narrated Abu Said: A woman came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Men (only) benefit by your teachings, so please devote to us from (some of) your time, a day on which we may come to you so that you may teach us of what Allah has taught you.” Allah’s Apostle said, “Gather on such-and-such a day at such-and-such a place.” They gathered and Allah’s Apostle came to them and taught them of what Allah had taught him. (Bukhari Volume 9, Book 92, Number 413)

On the Treatment of Women
Narrated Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) and asked him: “What do you say (command) about our wives?” He replied: “Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them.” (Sunan Abu Dawud: Book 11, Number 2139) “The best of you is one who is best towards his family and I am best towards the family”. (At-Tirmithy). “None but a noble man treats women in an honourable manner. And none but an ignoble treats women disgracefully”. (At-Tirmithy).

A Husband must keep the Privacy of his Wife
Narrated AbuSa’id al-Khudri: Allah’s Messenger (peace_be_upon_him) said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of Judgement is the man who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret. (Muslim Book 8, Number 3369)

A Husband’s Attitude
‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) said that a man came to his house to complain about his wife. On reaching the door of his house, he hears ‘Umar’s wife shouting at him and reviling him. Seeing this, he was about to go back, thinking that ‘Umar himself was in the same position and, therefore, could hardly suggest any solution for his problem. ‘Umar (RA) saw the man turn back, so he called him and enquired about the purpose of his visit. He said that he had come with a complaint against his wife, but turned back on seeing the Caliph in the same position. ‘Umar (RA) told him that he tolerated the excesses of his wife for she had certain rights against him. He said, “Is it not true that she prepares food for me, washes clothes for me and suckles my children, thus saving me the expense of employing a cook, a washerman and a nurse, though she is not legally obliged in any way to do any of these things? Besides, I enjoy peace of mind because of her and am kept away from indecent acts on account of her. I therefore tolerate all her excesses on account of these benefits. It is right that you should also adopt the same attitude.” quoted in Rahman, Role of Muslim Women page 149

The Prophet’s Disapproval of Women Beaters
Patient behavior was the practice of the Prophet, even when his wife dared to address him harshly. Once his mother-in-law- saw her daughter strike him with her fist on his noble chest. When the enraged mother -in-law began to reproach her daughter, the Prophet smilingly said, “Leave her alone; they do worse than that.” And once Abu Bakr, his father-in-law, was invited to settle some misunderstanding between him and Aishah. The Prophet said to her, “Will you speak, or shall I speak?” Aisha said, “You speak, but do not say except the truth.” Abu Bakr was so outraged that he immediately struck her severely, forcing her to run and seek protection behind the back of the Prophet. Abu Bakr said, “O you the enemy of herself! Does the Messenger of Allah say but the truth?” The Prophet said, “O Abu Bakr, we did not invite you for this [harsh dealing with Aishah], nor did we anticipate it.” quoted in: Mutual Rights and Obligations

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Source: http://www.maryams.net


LIVE PROGRAMS IN RAMADAN

August 27, 2010

Live Programs – This Ramadan

Tune in to chatislam.com this Ramdan for live prgrams from the comfort of your own homes.

Tafsir Ibn Kathir

sheikh SabreeDaily

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Presenter: Sheikh Mutahhir Sabree
About Sheikh Mutahhir
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Matters of Faith and Action

Daily

* 6:30 pm EST
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Presenter: Sheikh Mohammed Syed Adly
About Sheikh Adly
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Enhance the Da’wah in a Glance

Fridays

* 9:30 am EST
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Presenter: Abu Mussab Wajdi Akkari
About Abu Mussab
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70 Matters Relating to Fasting (Sisters Only)

Sister’s Class
Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays

* 3:30pm EST
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Ramadan

Are Teachers Making the Grade with ADHD Students?

March 6, 2010

In an effort to find out how teachers are able to cope with ADHD students, a survey was created with SurveyMonkey to help gather information from both parents and teachers.  If you are either a parent of an ADHD child, or a the student or a teacher of ADHD children, please take the time (aprox. 2 minutes) to fill out this form.  Results will be used in an upcoming article addressing problems faced by students – and teachers- in the classrooms.

The main thrust of this poll is to find out if teachers feel prepared when they graduate from teacher prep courses to handle the demands placed upon them especially in relation to ADHD students.  Please feel free to leave any comments either here or on the poll itself in the blocks provided.

The poll can be found at:    http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/3XKRHLJ

For more information about ADHD visit:

http://www.coachlindawalker.com/blog/adhd-and-motivation-part-1/


Bilal Phillips Free Islamic Courses

December 30, 2009

Jazak Allah khayr for this post! IOU offers a variety of free courses and it is great for working sisters and SAHMs, as you may work at your own pace.  I would encourage everyone to check it out and spread the word!

May Allah reward you generously for the information and reward the brother and his organization and make them successful in this life and the Next!

Abu Ameenah Bilal Phillips is offering free courses / quizzes w
certificates online at the Islamic Online University. Plus they
offer BA n MA degrees in Islam.
Www.islamiconlineuniversity.com
<http://www.islamiconlineuniversity.com/>


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