How to Deal With Sadness and Loss of Loved Ones

December 9, 2011

Allah Ar-Rahman

By Abida Aura Mustafa

Whether through death, loss, or disagreement, when we lose someone or something dear to us, we become overwhelmed by the pangs of grief; the pain of loss feels overbearing as though it would never end. Having to face the consequences of detachment can be a traumatic experience. All we can think of is the pain enshrouding our hearts and consuming our minds. With tears streaming down our faces, our faces contorted with emotion and our hearts too feeling as though a heavy burden has landed—the misery takes a hold of us and, blinded by our tears, we fail to see the light.

But there is a light; a light to behold even in the darkest corner of the earth, even in the murkiest depths of the ocean. We don’t have to drown in the quicksand of trauma. Nothing and nobody by Allah’s Will subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) has the ability to overpower the underlying depth of:

Inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon.

Verily, unto God do we belong and, verily, unto Him we shall return.

When we actually give some time and thought to reflect upon the words which constitute this statement, we come to realise that there is an extremely powerful and truthful message behind it—an answer to all our questions, grief and emotions.

This profound phrase captures the essence of our entire existence; it encapsulates where we came from and also where we are headed:

Allah

Understanding the statement has the ability to eradicate regrets and past events. It holds the key to finding contentment during those times when we think, ‘Why did that have to happen?’ We can become immersed in questioning, and drown in the misery of relentless searching for the answer…Or we can discover patience by asserting that regardless of whatever has occurred, we will indeed return to Allah (swt).

When we truly understand the meaning of inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon, we find that no sadness will last forever, and that we shouldn’t destroy ourselves by holding even the slightest bitterness or anger within us. By understanding that Allah (swt) is the One, the only One to Whom we belong, we should be able to move on from painful moments in our life (which we should assert as not being able to occur except that Allah (swt) Willed for it to be) and strive for our goal of meeting Him.

There should be no space for bitterness or anger when one truly comprehends the deep truthfulness of this phrase, and we should be able to forgive those who have intentionally or unintentionally wronged us because we know that Allah (swt) alone holds all sovereignty and that even our emotions belong to Him. By forgiving ourselves and others, by showing sabr(patience) in the face of death or loss, and by aspiring for Allah’s Mercy and Judgement, we open ourselves to a whole new level of understanding ourselves in the context of space and time. We can understand by His Will that Allah (swt) is all that matters, and everything else in this dunya (current life, world) is a means for us to reach Him because we want to be able to See Him at the end, for without a doubt we will have to return to Him.

‘Inna’ meaning ‘verily’ tells us that with certainty we belong to Allah (swt), that is, He Created us and bestowed on us our beginning without a doubt. ‘Inna’ occurs twice in this phrase, providing an emphasis on the certainty of Allah’s Ever-Lasting existence, emphasising the certainty of our beginning AND our end. So Allah (swt) is Al-Awwal (the Beginning, the First) and Al-Akhir (the End, the Last). Al-Awwal ul Akhir (The Ever-Lasting) is the source of light in every single moment of despair, hardship, and difficulty where our tears and grief blind us. Instead of allowing or hearts and souls to become blinded by the darkness of sadness, we can train ourselves in times of positive feelings and negative feelings to find contentment in Allah’s Decree, for nothing happens without His Decreeing it.

Allah (swt) tells us in Surah Baqarah, verses 155-156:

 And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Verily! To Allah we belong and verily, to Him we shall return.” (Qur’an 2:155-156)

This is our Lord, the One Who Created us when we were nothing, telling us in His Divine Book—tanzil (sent down) to humans and jinn as a dhikr (reminder)—that He will definitely test us with trials, but that He has Promised reward for those who are patient.

And how do we be ‘patient’ in the face of turmoil?

Just as Allah (swt) has created tests involving struggle, risk and loss, Allah (swt) has also told us how to approach these tests; He has revealed to us that the patient are those who, when afflicted with calamity, say, “Inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon.” In His infinite Mercy, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala has allowed for relief to accompany difficulty. This also shows us that the losses and difficulties won’t last forever, and that everything which we regard as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in the dunya is of temporal nature.

No pain or grief or disagreement can last forever, but with certainty, Allah (swt) lasts forever and from Him we came to be and it is to Him we will with certainty return.

This means that the events which take place in this dunya are mere moments. We become so consumed by our grief that we fail to see that al-Qahhar (the Conqueror, the Ever-Dominating) has provided us with light and that even in the most difficult times, Allah (swt) provides ease with hardship. Read the rest of this entry »


December 9, 2011

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Do not Be Sad

October 28, 2011

 So do not become weak [against your enemy, nor be sad... (Quran 3: 139)

 And grieve not over them, and be not distressed because of what they plot.(Quran 16: 127)

 Be not sad, surely Allah is with us. (Quran 9: 40)

 Referring to true believers, Allah informs us that:

Upon such shall come no fear, nor shall they grieve. (Quran 2: 38)

Sadness enervates the souls will to act and paralyzes the body into inactivity. Sadness prevents one from action instead of compelling one towards it. The heart benefits nothing through grief the most beloved thing to the Devil is to make the worshiper sad in order to prevent him from continuing on his path.

Allah, the Exalted, says:

 *Secret counsels [conspiracies] are only from Shaytaan [Satan], in order that he may cause grief to the believers. (Quran 58: 10)

In the following hadith, the Prophet (bpuh) said:

 ”In a company of three, it is forbidden for two to hold secret counsel to the exclusion of the third, since doing so will be a cause of sadness for him.”

 Contrary to what some believe (those who have an extreme ascetic bent); the believer should not seek out sadness, because sadness is a harmful condition that afflicts the soul.The Muslim must repel sadness and fight it in any way that is permissible in our Religion.

 There is no real benefit to sadness; the Prophet (bpuh) sought refuge from it in the following supplication: “O Allah, I seek refuge in you from anxiety and grief.”

Grief is coupled with anxiety in this hadith. The difference between the two is that if a bad feeling is related to what is going to happen in the future. Then one is feeling anxiety. And if the cause of this feeling concerns the past, then one is feeling grief both of them weaken the heart, causing inactivity and a decrease in will power. Read the rest of this entry »


Fasting In the First Nine Days of Dhul Hijjah

October 28, 2011

عن هنيدة ابن خالد عن امرأته عن بعض أزواج النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قالت “كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يصوم تسع ذي الحجة ، ويوم عاشوراء ، وثلاثة أيام من كل شهر : أول اثنين من الشهر وخميسين “صحيح أبو داود وصحيح النسائى

Hunaydah ibn Khaalid narrated upon the authority of his wife who said: “Some of the wives of the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam told me that the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam used to fast the Day of 3Aashoorah, the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah, and three days out of every month*….” (1)

(*13th, 14th, and 15th of every month)

Imaam An-Nawwawee said with reference to fasting the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah: “It is extremely preferable to do so”.

Shaykh 3Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy upon him) was asked about fasting the first [nine] days of Dhul-Hijjah?

He replied: “Fasting the first [nine] of Dhul-Hijjah is from the righteous actions without doubt. And the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam said,“There are not any days in which righteous actions are done that are more beloved to Allaah than these ten days.” They said, “Oh Messenger of Allaah, not even jihaad in Allaah’s cause?”

He said: “Not even jihaad in Allaah’s cause,Except for a man who left out with his self and his wealth, and he did not return with either.”

So fasting is included in the general context of this hadeeth. And there appears a hadeeth stating that the Messenger of Allaah sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam used to fast the first ten of Dhul-Hijjah, not counting the 3Eed [in other words, the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah]. Read the rest of this entry »


How Should a Muslim Husband Behave Towards his Wife

October 19, 2011

This has got to be one of the cutest videos I have seen in a while.  ”Its complicated”


Productive Muslim Sleep Routine

October 7, 2011

Every once in a while I come accross an article which really strikes me and leaves a strong impression.. This one did… maybe because my household really needs this information and to IMPLEMENT IT not just understand its value.  I hope that this will help many other people as well, and in the end it will not only make life more productive, but easier, healthier and happier for all.  Time is a thing that once gone cannot come back so we need to make the best use of what God gave us. 

Many people who struggle with waking up early, realize that how and when they slept the night before has an impact on their morning routines the next day. This is why we advocate the importance of not just a morning routine, but a productive night routine as well! The sleep routine is derived from the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) and what he used to do before he sleeps (Peace be upon him). Check out the sleep routine here: http://bit.ly/sle-ep

by ProductiveMuslim63 Comments

Posted on Sunday, March 13, 2011 in Articles

If you’ve started waking up early and working in those early hours of the day as we recommend at ProductiveMuslim.com, you’ll find that it’s pretty hard to be consistent each and every day with this routine. And when you search for the reasons for this inconsistency, you’ll realise that it’s mainly because it’s hard to regulate your sleep; one day you sleep well, so you wake up early and can work hard. Other days, you don’t sleep so well and those early hours are pretty difficult to maintain.

ProductiveMuslim Sleep Routine

Sleep, as any other activity we do as humans, can be optimized by planning well in advance and following a particular routine each night. You might think: “Dude, I just crash and sleep”. Well, that’s one way of doing it, but here’s another routine. Try it out and tell me if sleep doesn’t become a rewarding, spiritual and fulfilling experience for you after this.

The following sleep routine requires you to prepare for it at least 90 minutes BEFOREyou actually sleep. And it’s basically dividing those 90 minutes into 3 parts:

  1. One third for Your Lord
  2. One third for Your Self
  3. One third for Your Sleep

1. One third for Your Lord:

This starts with you making wudhu, brushing your teeth, putting on nice clothes and perfume and praying Tahajjud and Witr for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) (Note: If you prefer to wake up before Fajr to pray these night prayers then definitely go with that. However, if you can’t trust yourself to wake up that early, it’s better that you pray Tahajjud and Witr Salah BEFORE you sleep). This is my favourite part of the sleep routine and favourite part of the day!

It’s such a calming experience after going through a long hard day, to stand in front of your Lord, recite His verses, supplicate to Him and ask Him of whatever you desire in this world and the Next. Do this for a couple of nights and you wouldn’t want to give up doing it! In fact, throughout your day, you’ll be anticipating this moment and looking forward to it!

2. One third for Your Self:

This is where you prepare yourself for sleep by putting on your pyjamas, getting into bed and reading a good book for at least 30 minutes. If you’re like me, ideas and thoughts will keep popping into your head as you read, and you will want to save them for later. For these, I have a plain notebook and pen/pencil next to me to scribble anything (and I mean anything) that pops in my head! You’ll be surprised how many great ideas originate from these 30 minutes.

Alternatively, instead of reading, you may spend these 30 minutes brainstorming on a plain notebook any ideas,plans, and projects you have in mind. You don’t have to come up with the ‘perfect’ idea/solution, but simply brainstorm as much as you can then literally “sleep on it” (as the saying goes). In the morning, you’ll be surprised at what your sub-conscious mind brings forth for you.

3. One third for Your Sleep:

I’ve said that this is a third for your sleep, but truly this is a third for your Lord to bless your sleep, and basically this involves going through the duas and verses that one should recite before sleeping as per the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). These include reciting Surah Al-Mulk and Surah Al-Sajdah and other supplications recommended before sleeping. For me, this last part of the routine is like the cherry on top of the cake! Nothing fills you with more tranquility than to sleep having uttered the words of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala).

So there you have it, the ProductiveMuslim routine for Sleep. You may think it’s lengthy, but there has been no day that I’ve followed it, except that I’ve slept peacefully and woken up peacefully.

Hope it works well for you and that you have a productive sleep – Sweet dreams!

PS: The ‘ideal’ ProductiveMuslim morning routine

Given that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) was THE most productive man that ever lived, I think emulating him and his habits day and night would go a long way to helping us become more productive inshaAllah!


~A Revert Story to Remember~

September 29, 2011

Faisal mosque

Image via Wikipedia

 My name is Cassie, I am 23 years old. I graduated as a qualified nurse this year and was given my first position as a home nurse.

 My patient was an English gentleman in his early 80′s who suffered from Alzheimer’s. In the first meeting  with the patient  I was given his record and from it could see that he was a convert to the religion of Islam, therefore he was a Muslim.

I knew from this that I would need to take into account some modes of treatment that may go against his faith, and therefore tried to adapt my care to meet his needs. I brought in some ‘halal’ meat to cook for him and ensured that there was no pork or alcohol in the premises as I did some research which showed that these were forbidden in Islam.

My patient was in a very advanced stage of his condition so a lot of my colleagues could not understand why I was going to so much effort for him, but I understood that a person who commits to a faith deserves that commitment to be respected, even if they are not in a position to understand.

Anyway, after a few weeks with my patient I began to notice some patterns of movement. At first I thought it was some copied motion he’s seen someone do, but I saw him repeat the movement at particular times; morning, afternoon, evening.

The movements were to raise his hands, bow and then put his head to the ground. I could not understand it. He was also repeating sentences in another language, I couldn’t figure out what language it was as his speech was slurred but I know the same verses were repeated daily. Also there was something strange, he didnt allow me to feed him with my left hand {I am lefthanded}.

Somehow I knew this linked to his religion but didn’t know how. Read the rest of this entry »


Ten Minutes and Thirty Nine Seconds to Change Your Life

September 24, 2011

As-salaamalikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakato,

Subhanallah I just got an email with this link at this time of the morning and the 10 min and 39 secs had a profound impact on me. We should keep this video and review it every so often (perhaps even weekly or monthly) to remind us what and where our ultimate destination will be. It is a good video for us ladies as we do not visit the graves!

I have been so busy purchasing household items at the moment and trying to make my villa “cozy”. We have been living in an empty shell for two and half years with bear minimum: enough to keep us going, not enough to have that cozy feeling though. I am nesting, but my main intention is to ensure that when my family visit (when the baby arrives insha’allah) they are comfortable in my home and will leave with a feeling of not wishing to.

I (cannot speak for you all) do forget in the normal hum drum of life the things I should be really preparing for. My ultimate permanent abode: I lack in this in so many ways. This video has come on a day when I had to witness so much fitnah on national day riding through Riyadh tonight (may Allah guide all the people I saw today). The music and dancing etc was just so alien to me now that I have moved away from the UK, but I really found the whole scene intrusive and got a little angry that my children had to witness it! May Allah protect us and our children.

This video will definitively move you.

I pray that you all use your time and energies to accumulate the good deeds, may Allah accept your deeds, may you do them for His sake only, may you reap the rewards, may He expand your graves until you all rise to meet your Creator. May we help each other as sisters in Islam to remind each other, help each other, guide each other to our Creator and insha’Allah Jannah Firdaws. Ameen

 

Pass this link on to those you know…….it is a great reminder.

 

Love you all

 

Fei Amaan Allah (always and forever)

 

Abidah


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