Commentary: This Hadith highlights the point that Sadaqah has great benefits and even in its minimum scope and quantity it can ensure our safety against Hell-fire. We are told that if we do not have even a single date or half of it to give to a needy person, we can manage to have the same benefit by talking to him in a compassionate tone, provided we have Faith in our heart.

The companions who loved him most, did they celebrate it? Those who came after them, did they celebrate it? If the best 3 generations didn’t celebrate it, is it possible that we know more than them? What was not part of our religion then, can never be part of our religion today as it is an innovation. ~ Shaykh Assim Alhakeem

This must be one of the most beautiful video productions of several natural wonders such as the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, river deltas and volcanoes.  Subhanallah the wonders which were created.

Most of the post I put up are pretty good, or I would not post them but once in a while I come across one which really means alot and just seems to cover so many points with necessary and accurate information that I wish I had a million sites to upload it to.  This is one such article.  It really covers many points related to the relationship between husbands and wives.  I hope that it offers many answers for those who need this information for their daughters, sisters and even for making their own marriages better by following the sunnah.  May Allah reward this author.

Marriage in Islam

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’aan has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms:

(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21)

This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behavior taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works.

The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.”1

A righteous woman is the greatest blessing that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) can give to a man, for with her he can find comfort and rest after the exhausting struggle of earning a living. With his wife, he can find incomparable tranquility and pleasure.

How can a woman be the best comfort in this world? How can she be a successful woman, true to her own femininity, and honored and loved? This is what will be explained in the following pages:

She chooses a good husband

One of the ways in which Islam has honored woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along, because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) . He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’”2

At first, the Prophet (SAW) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well being is well known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (SAW) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” – her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah (SAW) sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”3

According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behavior, but I do not like him.”

Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like.

There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to ‘Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn ‘Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet (SAW) commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene. Ibn ‘Abbas said:

“Barirah’s husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet (SAW) said to ‘Abbas, ‘O ‘Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?’ The Prophet (SAW) said (to Barirah), ‘Why do you not go back to him?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah (SAW), are you commanding me to do so?’ He said, ‘I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.’ She said, ‘I have no need of him.’”4

The Prophet (SAW) was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet (SAW) , this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet (SAW) !

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behavior, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:

“If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah and mischief will become widespread on earth.”5

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid “play-boy” types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behavior is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has said:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur’aan 24:26)

This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right – as stated above – to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse.

The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwaamah over her, as the Qur’aan says:

(Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwaamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur’aan 4:34)

Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwaamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfill their life’s mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfill the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur’aan says:

(For Muslim men and women – for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise – for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur’aan 33:35)

In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place. Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansaar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year- old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet (SAW) , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).

One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah – before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, “O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so.”  He said, “Of course.” She said, “Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?” Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: “O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more.”6

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistence and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, “O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn.” Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, “Does the Lord burn?” Then he uttered the words: “Ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah.”

Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, “O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah.” So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.

Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym’s disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, “O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry.” She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet (SAW) say:

“If Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels.”7

Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.

She is obedient to her husband and shows him respect

The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved. She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy. If he is poor, she does not complain about his being unable to spend much. She does not complain about her housework, because she remembers that many of the virtuous women in Islamic history set an example of patience, goodness and a positive attitude in serving their husbands and taking care of their homes despite the poverty and hardships they faced. One of the foremost of these exemplary wives is Fatimah al-Zahra’, the daughter of Muhammad and 5 the wife of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib (RAA). She used to complain of the pain in her ands caused by grinding grain with the hand-mill. Her husband ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib said to her one day, “Your father has brought some female slaves, so go and ask him for one of them to come and serve you.” She went to her father, but she felt too shy to ask him for what she wanted. ‘Ali went and asked him to provide a servant for his beloved daughter, but the Prophet (SAW) could not respond to those who most dear to him whilst ignoring the needs of the poor among the Muslims, so he came to his daughter and her husband and said: “Shall I not teach you something that is better than that for which you asked me? When you go to bed at night, say ‘Subhaan Allah’ thirty-three times, ‘Al-hamdu lillaah’ thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu akbar’ thirty-four times. This is better for you than a servant.”

Then he bid them farewell and left, after giving them this divine help which would make them forget their tiredness and help them to overcome their exhaustion.

‘Ali (RAA) began to repeat the words that the Prophet (SAW) had taught him. He said, “I never stopped doing that after he had taught me these words.” One of his companions asked him, “Not even on the night of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffin.”8

Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq served her husband al-Zubayr, and took care of the house. Her husband had a horse, which she took care of, feeding it and exercising it. She also repaired the water-bucket, made bread, and carried dates on her head from far away. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report this in her own words:

“Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his horse. I used to feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed date-stones to feed his camel. I used to bring water and repair the bucket, and I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so some of my Ansari neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me. I used  to carry the dates from the garden that the Prophet (SAW) had given to al-Zubayr on my head, and this garden was two-thirds of a farsakh away. One day I was coming back with the dates on my head. I met the Messenger of Allah (SAW), who had a group of his Companions with him. He called me, then told his camel to sit down so that I could ride behind him. I told (al-Zubayr), ‘I felt shy, because I know that you are a jealous man.’ He said, ‘It is worse for me to see you carrying the dates on your head than to see you riding behind him.’ Later, Abu Bakr sent me a servant, who relieved me of having to take care of the horse; it was as if I had been released from slavery.”9

The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her house and husband. She knows her husband’s rights over  her, and how great they are, as was confirmed by the Prophet (SAW)’s words:

“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”10

And:

“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.”11 ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Messenger of Allah (SAW) : “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.”12

A woman came to ask the Prophet (SAW) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”13

How can the Muslim woman complain about taking care of her house and husband when she hears these words of Prophet (SAW)ic guidance? She should fulfill her household duties and take care of her husband in a spirit of joy, because she is not carrying a tiresome burden, she is doing work in her home that she knows will bring reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).

The Sahaabah, may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) be pleased with them, and those who followed them understood this Islamic teaching and transmitted it from the Prophet (SAW) . When a bride was prepared for marriage, she would be told to serve her husband and take care of his rights. Thus the Muslim woman knew her duties towards her husband, and down through the ages caring for her husband and being a good wife were established womanly attributes. One example of this is what was said by the faqih al-Hanbali ibn al-Jawzi in his book Ahkam al-Nisa’ (p. 331): In the second century AH there was a righteous man called Shu‘ayb ibn Harb, who used to fast and spend his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told her humbly, “I am a bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who makes you lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a woman who was intelligent, wise and mature. He immediately said to her, “You will be my wife.”

This woman had a clear understanding of how to be a good wife, which confirmed to the man who had come to seek her hand that she was a woman who would understand the psychology and nature of her husband and would know what would please him and what would make him angry; she would be able to win his heart and earn his admiration and respect, and would close the door to every possible source of conflict that could disrupt their married life. The woman who does not understand these realities does not deserve to be a successful wife; through her ignorance and shortcomings she may provoke her husband to lose his temper, in which case, she would be worse than him, for being the direct cause of his anger.

The tactful Muslim woman is never like this. She helps her husband to be of good character, by displaying different types of intelligence, cleverness and alertness in the way she deals with him. This opens his heart to her and makes him fond of her, because being a good wife is a not only a quality that she may boast about among her friends, but it is also a  eligious obligation for which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will call her to account: if she has done well, she will be rewarded, but if she has fallen short she will have to pay the penalty.

One of the most important ways in which the Muslim woman obeys her husband is by respecting his wishes with regard to the permissible pleasures of daily life, such as social visits, food, dress, speech, etc. The more she responds to his wishes in such matters, the happier and more enjoyable the couple’s life becomes, and the closer it is to the spirit and teachings of Islam.

The Muslim woman does not forget that her obedience to her husband is one of the things that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.’”14

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’”15

The Prophet (SAW) draw a clear and delightful picture of the well-behaved, easy-going, loving, righteous Muslim wife, one who will be happy in this world and the next:

“Shall I not tell you about your wives in Paradise?” We said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah (SAW).” He said, “They are fertile and loving. If she becomes angry or is mistreated, or her husband becomes angry, she says, ‘My hand is in your hand; I shall never sleep until you are pleased with me.’”16

The true Muslim woman knows that Islam, which has multiplied her reward for obeying her husband and made it a means of her admittance to Paradise, has also warned every woman who deviates from the path of marital obedience and neglects to take care of her husband, that she will be guilty of sin, and will incur the wrath and curses of the angels.

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (SAW) said:

“If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning.”17

Muslim reports from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (SAW) said Imam:

“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her, until the husband is pleased with her once more.”18

The angels’ curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient; this does not exclude those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their husbands:

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will curse those procrastinating women who, when their husbands call them to their beds, say ‘I will, I will . . .’ until he falls asleep.” 19

Marriage in Islam is intended to protect the chastity of men and women alike, therefore it is the woman’s duty to respond to her husband’s requests for conjugal relations. She should not give silly excuses and try to avoid it. For this reason, several hadeeth urge a wife to respond to her husband’s needs as much as she is able, no matter how busy she may be or whatever obstacles there may be, so long as there is no urgent or unavoidable reason not to do so.

In one of these hadeeth, the Prophet (SAW) said:

“If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel [i.e., very busy].”20

And:

“If a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven.”21

The issue of protecting a man’s chastity and keeping him away from temptation is more important than anything else that a woman can do, because Islam wants men and women alike to live in an environment which is entirely pure and free from any motive of fitnah or haraam pleasures. The flames of sexual desire and thoughts of pursuing them through haraam means can only be extinguished by means of discharging that natural energy in natural and lawful ways. This is what the Prophet (SAW) meant in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim from Jabir:

“If anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have intercourse with her, for that will calm him down.”22

The warning given to the woman whose husband is angry with her reaches such an extent that it would shake the conscience of every righteous wife who has faith in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day: she is told that her prayer and good deeds will not be accepted, until her husband is pleased with her again. This is stated in the hadeeth narrated by Jabir from ‘Abdullah:

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted, neither their good works: a disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again; and the drunkard, until he becomes sober.’”23

When these hadeeth refer to the husband being angry with his wife, they refer to cases in which the husband is right and the wife is wrong. When the opposite is the case, and the husband is wrong, then his anger has no negative implications for her; in fact, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will reward the wife for her patience. But the wife is still required to obey her husband, so long as no sin is involved, because there should be no obedience to a created being if it entails disobedience to the Creator. Concerning this, the Prophet (SAW) said:

“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) to allow anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he does not want her to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on her. If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and excused herself in the sight of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).”24 .

Another aspect of wifely obedience is that she should not fast at times other than Ramadan except with his permission, that she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission, and that she should not spend any of his earnings without his permission. If she spends anything without him having told her to do so, then half of the reward for that spending will be given to him. The true Muslim woman takes heed of this teaching which was stated by the Prophet (SAW) in the hadeeth:

“It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present, except with his permission; or to allow anyone into his house except with his permission; or to spend any of his earnings unless he has told her to do so, otherwise half of the reward will be given to him.”25

According to a report given by Muslim, he said:

“A woman should not fast if her husband is present, except with his permission. She should not allow anyone to enter his house when he is present without his permission. Whatever she spends of his wealth without him having told her to do so, half of the reward for it will be given to him.”26

The point here is the permission of the husband. If a wife gives some of his money in voluntary charity without his permission, then she will not receive any reward; on the contrary, it will be recorded as a sin on her part. If she wants to spend in his absence, and she knows that if he knew about it he would give his permission, then she is allowed to do so, otherwise it is not permitted.

Mutual understanding and harmony between husband and wife cannot be achieved unless there is understanding between them on such matters, so that neither of them will fall into such errors and troubles as may damage the marriage which Islam has built on a basis of love and mercy, and sought to maintain its purity, care and harmony.

If the husband is a miser, and spends too little on her and her children, then she is allowed to spend as much as she needs from his wealth on herself and her children, in moderation, without his knowledge. The Prophet (SAW) stated this to Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan, when she came to him and said, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), Abu Sufyan is a stingy man. What he gives me is not enough for me and my child, unless I take from him without his knowledge.” He told her, “Take what is enough for you and your child, in moderation.”27 Thus Islam has made women responsible for good conduct in their running of the household affairs. The Muslim woman understands the responsibility that Islam has given her, to take care of her husband’s house and children by making her a “shepherd” over her husband’s house and children. She has been specifically reminded of this responsibility in recognition of her role, in the hadeeth in which the Prophet (SAW) made every individual in the Islamic society responsible for those under his or her authority in such a way that no-one, man or woman, may evade responsibility:

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those under his care.”28

The true Muslim woman is always described as being loving towards her children and caring towards her husband. These are two of the most beautiful characteristics that a woman of any time or place may possess. The Prophet (SAW) praised these two characteristics, which were embodied by the women of Quraysh, who represented the best women among the Arabs in terms of loving their children, caring for their husbands, respecting their rights and looking after their wealth with care, honesty and wisdom:

“The best women who ride camels are the women of Quraysh. They are the most compassionate towards their children when they are small, and the most careful with regard to their husbands’ wealth.”29

This is a valuable testimony on the part of the Prophet (SAW) , attesting to the psychological and moral qualities of the women of Quraysh which enhanced their beauty and virtue. This testimony represents a call to every Muslim woman to emulate the women of Quraysh in loving her children and taking care of her husband. These two important characteristics contribute to the success of a marriage, make individuals and families happy, and help a society to advance.

It is a great honor for a woman to take care of her husband every morning and evening, and wherever he goes, treating him with gentleness and good manners which will fill his life with joy, tranquility and stability. Muslim women have the best example in ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), who used to accompany the Prophet (SAW) on Hajj, surrounding him with her care, putting perfume on him with her own hands before he entered ihram, and after he finished his ihram, before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.30 She chose for him the best perfume that she could find. This is stated in a number of shih hadeeth reported by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim, for example:

“I applied perfume to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) with my own hands before he entered the state of ihram and when he concluded it before circumambulating the House.”31

“I applied perfume to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) with these two hands of mine when he entered ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf,” – and she spread her hands.32

‘Urwah said:

“I asked ‘A’ishah, ‘With what did you perfume the Messenger of Allah (SAW) at the time when he entered ihram?’ She said, ‘With the best of perfume.’”33

According to another report also given by Muslim, ‘A’ishah said:

“I applied the best perfume I could find to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) before he entered ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.”34

When the Prophet (SAW) was in seclusion (i‘tikaf), he would lean his head towards ‘A’ishah, and she would comb and wash his hair. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim both report this in sahih hadeeth narrated from ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), such as:

“When the Messenger of Allah (SAW) was in i‘tikaf, he inclined his head towards me and I combed his hair, and he did not enter the house except to answer the call of nature.”35

“I used to wash the Prophet (SAW)’s head when I was menstruating.”36

‘Aishah urged women to take good care of their husbands and to recognize the rights that their husbands had over them. She saw these rights as being so great and so important that a woman was barely qualified to wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face, as she stated: “O womenfolk, if you knew the rights that your husbands have over you, every one of you would wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face.”37

This is a vivid expression of the importance of the husband’s rights over his wife. ‘A’ishah wanted to bring this to women’s attention, so as to remove from the hearts of arrogant and stubborn women all those harsh, obstinate feelings that all too often destroy a marriage and turn it into a living hell.

Honoring and respecting one’s husband is one of the characteristic attitudes of this ummah. It is one of the good manners known at the time of jahiliyyah that were endorsed by Islam and perpetuated by the Arabs after they embraced Islam. Our Arab heritage is filled with texts that eloquently describe the advice given by mothers to their daughters, to care for, honor and respect their husbands; these texts may be regarded as invaluable social documents.

One of the most famous and most beautiful of these texts was recorded by ‘Abd al-Malik ibn ‘Umayr al-Qurashi, who was one of the outstanding scholars of the second century AH. He quotes the words of advice given by Umamah bint al-Harith, one of the most eloquent and learned women, who was possessed of wisdom and great maturity, to her daughter on the eve of her marriage. These beautiful words deserve to be inscribed in golden ink. ‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise. ‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you. ‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you. ‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) choose what is best for you and protect you.’”38

She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.

This advice clearly included everything that one could think of as regards the good manners that a young girl needs to know about in order to treat her husband properly and be a suitable companion for him. The words of this wise mother deserve to be taken as the standard for every young girl who is about to get married.

If she is rich, the true Muslim woman does not let her wealth and financial independence make her blind to the importance of respecting her husband’s rights over her. She still takes care of him and honors him, no matter how rich she is or may become. She knows that she is obliged to show gratitude to Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon her, so she increases her charitable giving for the sake of Allah. The first person to whom she should give generously is her own husband, if he is poor; in this case she will receive two rewards, one for taking care of a family member, and another for giving charity, as the Prophet (SAW) stated in the hadeeth narrated by Zaynab al-Thaqafiyyah, the wife of ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud (RAA):

“The Prophet (SAW) told us: ‘O women, give in charity even if it is some of your jeweler.’ She said, ‘I went back to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud and told him. ‘You are a man of little wealth, and the Prophet (SAW) has commanded us to give charity, so go and ask him whether it is permissible for me to give you charity. If it is, I will do so; if it is not, I will give charity to someone else.’ ‘Abdullah said, ‘No, you go and ask.’ So I went, and I found a woman of the Ansaar at the Prophet (SAW)’s door, who also had the question. We felt too shy to go in, out of respect, so Bilal came out and we asked him, ‘Go and tell the Messenger of Allah (SAW) that there are two women at the door asking you: Is it permissible for them to give sadaqah to their husbands and the orphans in their care? But do not tell him who we are.’ So Bilal went in and conveyed this message to the Prophet (SAW) , who asked, ‘Who are they?’ Bilal said, ‘One of the women of the Ansaar, and Zaynab/’ The Prophet (SAW) asked, ‘Which Zaynab is it?’ Bilal said, ‘The wife of ‘Abdullah.’ The Prophet (SAW) said: ‘They will have two rewards, the reward for upholding the relationship, and the reward for giving charity.’”39 According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari, he said, “Your husband and your child are more deserving of your charity.”40

The true Muslim woman is always careful to give thanks for Allah’s blessings if her life is easy, and she never loses her patience if she encounters difficulty. She never forgets the warning that the Prophet (SAW) issued to women in general, when he saw that most of the inhabitants of Hell will be women, and so she seeks refuge with Allah from becoming one of them.

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (RAA) that the Prophet (SAW) said: “O women, give charity, for I have surely seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.” They asked, ‘Why is this so, O Messenger of Allah (SAW)?” He said, “Because you curse too much, and are ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husbands).”41

According to another report given by Al-Bukhaari, he said, “because they are ungrateful for good and kind treatment. Even if you treated one of them (these ungrateful women) well for an entire lifetime, then she saw one fault in you, she would say, ‘I have never seen anything good from you!’”42

According to a report given by Ahmad, a man said, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), are they not our mothers and sisters and wives?” He said, “Of course, but when they are treated generously they are ungrateful, and when they are tested, they do not have patience.”43

When the true Muslim woman thinks about these sahih hadeeth which describe the fate of most women in the Hereafter, she is always on the alert lest she fall into the sins of ingratitude towards her husband, or frequent cursing, or denying her husband’s good treatment of her, or forgetting to give thanks for times of ease, or failing to be patient at times of difficulty. In any case, she hastens to give charity as the Prophet (SAW) urged all women to do, in the hope that it may save them from that awful fate which will befall most of those women who deviate from truth and let trivial matters distract them from remembering Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day, and whose bad qualities will ultimately lead them into the Fire of Hell. The Muslim woman, on the other hand, sets the highest example of respect towards one’s husband and taking note of his good qualities. This is the attitude of loyalty that befits the true Muslim woman who respects her husband’s rights and does not ignore his virtues.

Muslim women’s history is full of stories that reflect this loyalty and recognition of the good qualities of the husband. One of these stories is that of Asma’ bint ‘Umays, who was one of the greatest women in Islam, and one of the first women to migrate to Madinah. She was married to Ja‘far ibn Abi Talib, then to Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, then to ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with them all. On one occasion, her two sons Muhammad ibn Ja‘far and Muhammad ibn Abi Bakr were competing with one another, each of them saying. “I am better than you, and my father is better than your father.” ‘Ali said to her, “Judge between them, O Asma’.” She said, “I have never seen a young man among the Arabs who was better than Ja‘far, and I have never seen a mature man who was better than Abu Bakr.” ‘Ali said, “You have not left anything for me. If you had said anything other than what you have said, I would have hated you!” Asma’ said: “These are the best three, and you are one of them even if you are the least of them.”44

What a clever and eloquent answer this wise woman gave! She gave each of her three husbands the respect he deserved, and pleased ‘Ali, even though he was the least of them, because she included all of them in that group of the best.

She treats his mother and family with kindness and respect

One of the ways in which a wife expresses her respect towards her husband is by honoring and respecting his mother.

The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of her religion knows that the person who has the greatest right over a man is his mother, as we have seen in the hadeeth of ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) quoted above. So she helps him to honor and respect his mother, by also honoring and respecting her. In this way she will do herself and her husband a favor, as she will helping him to do good deeds and fear Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), as commanded by the Qur’aan. At the same time, she will endear herself to her husband, who will appreciate her honor and respect towards his family in general, and towards his mother in particular. Nothing could please a decent, righteous and respectful man more than seeing strong ties of love and respect between his wife and his family, and nothing could be more hateful to a decent man than to see those ties destroyed by the forces of evil, hatred and conspiracy. The Muslim family which is guided by faith in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and follows the pure teachings of Islam is unlikely to fall into the trap of such jahil behavior, which usually flourishes in an environment that is far removed from the true teachings of this religion.

A Muslim wife may find herself being tested by her mother-in-law and other in-laws, if they are not of good character. If such is the case, she is obliged to treat them in the best way possible, which requires a great deal of cleverness, courtesy, diplomacy and repelling evil with that which is better. Thus she will maintain a balance between her relationship with her in-laws and her relationship with her husband, and she will protect herself and her marriage from any adverse effects that may result from the lack of such a balance.

The Muslim woman should never think that she is the only one who is required to be a good and caring companion to her spouse, and that nothing similar is required of her husband or that there is nothing wrong with him mistreating her or failing to fulfill some of the responsibilities of marriage. Islam has regulated the marital relationship by giving each partner both rights and duties. The wife’s duties of honoring and taking care of her husband are balanced by the rights that she has over him, which are that he should protect her honor and dignity from all kinds of mockery, humiliation, trials or oppression. These rights of the wife comprise the husband’s duties towards her: he is obliged to honor them and fulfill them as completely as possible.

One of the Muslim husband’s duties is to fulfill his role of qawwaam (maintainer and protector) properly. This is a role that can only be properly fulfilled by a man who is a successful leader in his home and family, one who possesses likeable masculine qualities. Such a man has a noble and worthy attitude, is tolerant, overlooks minor errors, is in control of his married life, and is generous without being extravagant. He respects his wife’s feelings and makes her feel that she shares the responsibility of running the household affairs, bringing up the children, and working with him to build a sound Muslim family, as Islam wants it to be.

She endears herself to her husband and is keen to please him

The true Muslim woman is always keen to win her husband’s love and to please him. Nothing should spoil his happiness or enjoyment of life. So she speaks kind words to him, and refrains from saying anything hurtful or upsetting. She brings him good news, but she keeps bad news from him as much as she can, or postpones telling it until a more suitable time when it will not upset him so much. If she finds that she has no alternative but to tell him upsetting news, she looks for the most suitable way to convey it, so that the blow will not be so hard on him. This is the wise approach and good conduct of the clever woman, but it is very difficult to attain and only a very few virtuous women ever do so.

One of those who did reach this high level was the great Muslim woman Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, the wife of Abu Talhah al-Ansari. Her son passed away whilst Abu Talhah was traveling, and her attitude was so unique that if Imam Muslim had not reported this story we would have taken it to be a mere myth. Let us hear her son Anas ibn Malik tell the story of his remarkable mother and her attitude:

“A son of Abu Talhah by Umm Sulaym died. Umm Sulaym told her family, ‘Do not tell Abu Talhah about his son until I tell him about it.’ Abu Talhah came home, so she prepared dinner for him, and he ate and drank. Then she beautified herself in a way that she had never done before, and he had sexual intercourse with her. When she saw that he was satisfied, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you think that if a people lent something to a household, then asked for it back, do they have the right not to return it?’ He said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Then resign yourself to the death of your son.’ Abu Talhah became angry and said, ‘You let me indulge myself and then you tell me about my son!’ He went to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and told him what had happened. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, ‘May Allah bless both of you for this night!’ Umm Sulaym became pregnant. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) went on a journey, and she accompanied him. Whenever the Messenger of Allah (SAW) came back from a journey, he never entered Madinah at night. When they (the traveling-party) approached Madinah, her labor-pains started. Abu Talhah stayed with her, and the Messenger of Allah (SAW) went on ahead to Madinah. Abu Talhah said, ‘O Lord, You know how I love to go out with Your Messenger when he goes out, and to come back with him when he comes back, and I have been detained, as You see.’ Umm Sulaym said, ‘O Abu Talhah, I do not feel as much pain as I did before, so let us go on.’ When they reached (Madinah), her pains-pains started again, and she gave birth to a boy. My mother said to me, ‘O Anas, nobody should feed him until you take him to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) in the morning.’ So when morning came, I took the baby to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) , and when I met him he was carrying an iron tool. When he saw me, he said, ‘I hope that Umm Sulaym has given birth.’ I said, ‘Yes.’ So he put down the tool and I brought the child to him and placed him in his lap. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) called for some of the dates of Madinah. He chewed it until it became soft, then he put it in the baby’s mouth and the baby began to smack his lips. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘See how much the Ansaar love dates!’ Then he wiped the baby’s face and named him ‘Abdullah.”45

How great was Umm Sulaym’s faith, and how magnificent her patience and virtue! How bravely she hid her pain from her husband and endeared herself to him. She managed to conceal her grief at the loss of her beloved son and spent that time with her husband patiently hoping that by being a good wife to her husband she might earn the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). This is true, deep and sincere faith.

Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) answered the Prophet (SAW)’s prayer for Umm Sulaym and her husband, and she became pregnant from that night. When she was heavily pregnant, she saw her husband Abu Talhah preparing to set out on another military campaign with the Messenger of Allah (SAW) . She insisted on partaking of the honor of jihad with him alongside the Messenger of Allah (SAW) , even though she was in the later stages of pregnancy. Her husband took pity on her because of the difficulties of the journey and the heat of the desert, but he still asked the Prophet (SAW) for permission to let her come with him, and he gave his permission because he knew her strength of character and love of jihad.Umm Sulaym was present when the Muslims were triumphant at Makkah, and when they were sorely tested at Hunayn. She stood firm, as solid as a rock, alongside her husband and the small group of believers around the Prophet (SAW) , even though she was pregnant, at that most difficult time when many others had fled, and she remained there until Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) brought victory to the believers.

The mujahid army returned to Madinah, and her labor began. When the pains became intense, she and her husband stayed behind for a while, but her husband prayed to his Lord in the still of night because he loved to go out and return with the Prophet (SAW) . Suddenly the pains ceased; she told her husband and they set out to follow the army that had gone on ahead. They caught up with them, and after they had entered Madinah, Umm Sulaym’s labor pains began anew. She gave birth to a boy, and his brother on his mother’s side, Anas, brought him to the Prophet (SAW) , who fed him a small amount of dates (tahnik) and named him ‘Abdullah. The prayer of the Prophet (SAW) for this baby was fulfilled, as among his descendents were ten great scholars.

No doubt Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) knew the sincerity of Umm Sulaym’s faith, and conveyed the good news of Paradise to her via His Prophet (SAW) :

“I entered Paradise, and heard footsteps. I said, ‘Who is this?’ and they told me, ‘It is al-Ghumaysa’, the daughter of Milhan, the mother of Anas ibn Malik.’”46

Another example of the ways in which a wife may endear herself to her husband is the way in which ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) spoke to the Prophet (SAW) when he came back to his wives after he had kept away from them for a month. He had said, “I will not go in to them for a month,” because he was so angry with them. When twenty-nine days had passed, he came to ‘A’ishah first. ‘A’ishah said to him, ‘You swore to stay away from us for a month, and only twenty-nine days have passed; I have been counting them.” The Prophet (SAW) said, “This month has twenty-nine days.” That particular month had only twenty-nine days.47

‘A’ishah’s telling the Prophet (SAW) that she had counted twenty-nine days was a clear indication of her love towards her husband and of how she had waited, day by day, hour by hour, for him to come back to her. It shows how she loved and missed her husband. This approach made her even dearer to him, so when he came back to his wives, he started with her.

The sincere Muslim woman recognizes her husband’s likes and habits, and tries to accommodate them as much as she can, in the interests of mutual understanding and marital harmony, and to protect the marriage from the boredom of routine. This is what every wise and intelligent wife does. It was narrated that the qadi and faqih Shurayh married a woman from Banu Hanzalah. On their wedding night, each of them prayed two rak‘ahs and asked Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) to bless them. Then the bride turned to Shurayh and said, “I am a stranger, and I do not know much about you. Tell me what you like, and I will do it, and tell me what you do not like so I may avoid it.” Shurayh said, “She stayed with me for twenty years, and I never had to tell her off for anything, except on one occasion, and I was in the wrong then.”

This is the respectful and loving wife as Islam wants her to be, responsible for her home and loyal to her husband, and always careful to maintain a good relationship between them. If anything happens to upset their marriage, she hastens to calm the situation with her sincere love and wise understanding. She does not listen to the whispering of the Shaytan which calls her to do wrong, and she never hastens to ask her husband for a divorce. The marriage bond should be too strong to be undone by temporary arguments or occasional misunderstandings.

The Prophet (SAW) warned those foolish women who ask their husbands for a divorce with no legitimate reason that they would be denied even the scent of Paradise:

“Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no good reason will be deprived of even smelling the scent of Paradise.”48

She does not disclose his secrets

The chaste Muslim woman does not disclose her husband’s secrets, and does not talk to anyone about whatever secrets and other matters there may be between him and her. The serious Muslim woman is above that; she would never sink to the level of such cheap and shameless talk as goes on amongst the lowest type of people. Her time is too precious to be wasted in such vulgar behavior. She would never accept for herself to be counted as one of those people whom the Prophet (SAW) described as one of the worst types:

“Among the worst type of people in the sight of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) on the Day of Judgment is a man who enjoys his wife’s intimate company, and she enjoys his intimate company, then one of them goes and discloses the secret of the other.”49

Talking about that which is private between a husband and wife is one of the most abhorrent ways of disclosing secrets. No one does such a thing but the worst type of people. There are some secrets the disclosure of which is not as bad as disclosing this secret, but in any case, telling secrets at all is disliked and is unacceptable. Keeping secrets in itself is a worthy and virtuous deed, whilst disclosing them is a serious error and shortcoming, from which nobody can be immune except the infallible Prophet (SAW) . The disclosure of a secret that the Prophet (SAW) had entrusted to Hafsah, who told it to ‘A’ishah, led to the plotting and intrigue in his household that caused him to keep away from his wives for a whole month, because he was so upset with them.50 Concerning this, the following ayah was revealed:

(When the Prophet (SAW) disclosed a matter of confidence to one of his consorts, and she then divulged it [to another], and Allah made it known to him, he confirmed part thereof and repudiated a part. Then when he told her thereof, she said, ‘Who told you this?’ He said, ‘He told me Who knows and is well-acquainted [with all things].) (Qur’aan 66:3)

The two women concerned are then confronted with their error, and called to repent, so that they might draw closer to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) after having distanced themselves by their deed, otherwise Allah would be his (the Prophet (SAW)’s) Protector, and Jibril and the righteous believers would also support him:

( If you two turn in repentance to Him, your hearts are indeed so inclined; but if you back up each other against him, truly Allah is his Protector, and Gabriel, and [every] righteous one among those who believe – and furthermore, the angels – will back [him] up.) (Qur’aan 66:4)

Then they are issued with a stern warning and the terrifying prospect that if they persist in their error, they may lose the honor of being the wives of the Prophet (SAW):

( It may be, if he divorced you [all], that Allah will give him in exchange Consorts better than you – who submit [their wills], who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship [in humility], who travel [for Faith] and fast – previously married or virgins.) (Qur’aan 66:5)

This incident presents a valuable lesson to the Muslim woman on the importance of keeping her husband’s secret, and the effect this confidentiality has on the stability of the individual and the home. One of the greatest blessings that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has bestowed on the Muslims in particular, and on mankind in general, is that he has made the public and private life of His Messenger like an open book, in which can be read the teachings of this ‘aqeedah and its practical application in real life. Nothing is secret or hidden: matters and events that people usually keep secret are discussed openly in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, even unavoidable human weaknesses. All of these issues are presented in order to teach people right from wrong.

The Sahaabah, may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) be pleased with them, understood that the Prophet (SAW)’s life was entirely devoted to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His message, so why should they keep secret or conceal any aspect of his life? The stories that have been narrated about his life, his household and his wives represent a practical application of the words he preached, and for this reason, the Sahaabah (may Allah reward them with all good) transmitted the most precise details of his life, and did not fail to record any aspect of his daily life, whether it was major or minor. This is part of the way in which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) caused the life of his Prophet (SAW) to be recorded, including details of the precise way in which Islamic teachings were applied in his life. This is in addition to the Qur’aanic references to the Prophet (SAW)’s life, which form a record that will remain until heaven and earth pass away.

She stands by him and offers her advice

One of the laws that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has decreed for this life is that men and women should work together to cultivate and populate the earth and run the affairs of life therein. Man cannot do without woman, and vice versa. Hence the laws of Islam teach men and women to co-operate in all matters. Islam encourages a man to help his wife, as much as he is able; the Prophet (SAW) , who is the example for all Muslims, used to help and serve his family until he went out to pray, as the Mother of the Believers ‘A’ishah said.51

Just as Islam expects a man to help his wife with housework and running household affairs, so the woman is also expected to help him in dealing with the outside world and to play her role in life by offering her opinions and advice, and supporting him in practical terms.

History tells us that Muslim women engaged in jihad side by side with men, marching to war with them, bringing water to the thirsty, tending the wounded, setting broken bones, stemming the flow of blood, encouraging the soldiers, and sometimes joining in the actual fighting, running back and forth between the swords and spears, standing firm when some of the brave men had fled. Their courageous conduct in battle was praised by the Prophet (SAW), as we have described previously (see pp. 69-91).

However, women’s contribution to public life did not stop on the battlefield; women also stood side-by-side with men at times of peace, offering their valuable opinions, soothing their hearts at times of stress and supporting them during times of hardship.

History has recorded many names of great Muslim men who used to seek and follow the advice of their wives, foremost among whom is the Prophet (SAW) himself , who sometimes followed the advice of Khadijah, Umm Salamah, ‘A’ishah and others among his wives.

‘Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr used to follow the advice of his mother Asma’, al-Walid ibn ‘Abd al-Malik used to follow the advice of his wife Umm al-Banin bint ‘Abd al-‘Aziz ibn Marwan, and Harun al-Rashid used to follow the advice of his wife Zubaydah, and there are many other such examples in the history of Islam.

The true, sincere Muslim woman understands the heavy burden that Islam has placed on her shoulders, by obliging her to be a good wife to her husband, to surround him with care and meet his every need, to give him enjoyment, and to renew his energy so that he may fulfill his mission in life. So she does not withhold her advice when she sees that he needs it, and she never hesitates to stand by his side, encouraging him, supporting him and offering advice and consolation.

The first Muslim woman, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid is the best example of a woman who influenced her husband. The Prophet (SAW) came to her on the day of the first Revelation, anxious, trembling and shaking all over. He told her, “Cover me, cover me!” She hastened to offer her help and support, advising him and thinking of a practical way of helping him. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report the story told by ‘A’ishah of how the Revelation commenced, and the marvelous way in which Khadijah responded by supporting her husband:

“The Revelation started in the form of a dream that came true, he never saw a dream but it would clearly come to pass. Then he was made to like seclusion, so he would go and stay alone in the cave of Hira’, praying and worshipping for many nights at a time, before coming back to his family to collect supplies for another period of seclusion. Then the truth came suddenly, when he was in the cave of Hira’. The angel came to him and said ‘Read!’ He said, ‘I am not a reader.’ [The Prophet (SAW) said:] ‘The angel embraced me and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me, and said, ‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angels embraced me a second time, squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said, ‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angel embraced me a third time and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said:

(Read! In the name of your Lord and Cherisher, who created – created man, out of a [mere] clot of congealed blood: Read! And your Lord is Most Bountiful – He Who taught [the use of] the Pen – taught man that which he knew not.) (Qur’aan 96:1-5)’”

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) came back to Khadijah, trembling all over, and said, “Cover me, cover me!”. They covered him up until he calmed down, then he said to Khadijah, “O Khadijah, what is wrong with me?” He told her what had happened, then said, “I fear for myself.” Khadijah said: “No, rather be of good cheer, for by Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would never forsake you. By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), you uphold the ties of kinship, speak the truth, spend money on the needy, give money to the penniless, honor your guests and help those beset by difficulties. She took him to Waraqah ibn Nawfal ibn Asad ibn ‘Abd al-‘Uzza, who was her cousin, the son of her father’s brother. He was a man who had become a Christian during the time of jahiliyyah; he could write the Arabic script and he had written as much of the Gospel in Arabic as Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) willed. He was an old man who had become blind. Khadijah said to him, “O Uncle, listen to your nephew.” Waraqah ibn Nawfal said, “O son of my brother, what has happened?” The Messenger of Allah (SAW) told him what had happened, and Waraqah said to him, “This is al-Namus (i.e., Jibril), who was sent down to Musa, upon whom be peace. I wish that I were a young man, and could be alive when your people cast you out.”

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) asked, “Will they really cast me out?” Waraqah said, “Yes. No man has ever come with what you have brought, but his people were hostile towards him. If I live to see that day I will give you all the support I can.”52

This report is strong evidence of Khadijah’s wifely perfection, wisdom, strength of character, steadfastness, understanding and deep insight. She knew the Prophet (SAW)’s outstanding character, good conduct and purity of heart, and this made her certain that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would never forsake a man such as Muhammad or permit any bad fate to befall him. She knew that behind this remarkable new event that had overwhelmed the Messenger of Allah (SAW) lay something great that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had prepared for His Messenger, so she spoke her kind and sweet words of encouragement, filling him with confidence, tranquility and firm conviction: “Be of good cheer, O cousin, and stand firm. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khadijah, I hope that you will be the Prophet (SAW) of this nation.”53 Then she took him to her cousin Waraqah ibn Nawfal, who had knowledge of the Torah and Gospel, and told him what had happened to the Prophet (SAW).

The first Mother of the Believers, Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her), was a sincere adviser in the way of Islam to the Prophet (SAW) . She had already earned the great status and lasting fame of being the first person to believe in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His Messenger, and she stood beside her husband the Prophet (SAW) , supporting him and helping him to bear the worst oppression and persecution that he faced at the beginning of his mission; she endured along with him every hardship and difficulty that he was confronted with.

Ibn Hisham says in his Sirah: “Khadijah had faith, and believed in what he brought from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). In this way, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) helped His Prophet (SAW) . Whenever he heard any hateful words of rejection or disbelief that upset him, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would cause his spirits to be lifted when he came back to her. She encouraged him to be patient, believed in him, and made it easier for him to bear whatever the people said or did. May Allah have mercy on her.”54

She was a woman who always spoke the truth, and carried this burden sincerely. It is no surprise that she earned the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and deserved to be honored by Him, so He conveyed the greeting of salam to her through His Messengers Jibril and Muhammad , and gave her glad tidings of a house in Paradise, as is stated in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah:

“Jibril came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah (SAW), Khadijah is coming to you with vessels containing food and drink. When she comes to you, convey to her the greeting of salam from her Lord and from me, and give her the glad tidings of a house of pearls in Paradise, in which there is no noise or hard work.”55

The true Muslim woman puts her mind to good work, thinks hard and gives advice to her husband at times when he may be most in need of advice. By doing so, she does a great favor for her husband, and this is one of the ways in which she may treat him well.

Another of these great stories which feature correct advice given by a woman is the reaction of the Muslims to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah, and Umm Salamah’s reaction, which demonstrated her deep insight and great wisdom.

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) was one of those who were with the Prophet (SAW) when he went to Makkah to perform ‘Umrah in 6 AH. This is the journey that was interrupted by Quraysh, who prevented the Prophet (SAW) and his Companions from reaching the Ka‘bah. The treaty of al-Hudaybiyah was drawn up between the Prophet (SAW) and Quraysh.

This was a peace-treaty which was intended to put an end to the fighting for ten years; it was also agreed that if anyone from Quraysh came to Muhammad without the permission of his guardian, he would be returned, but if any of the Muslims came to Quraysh, he would not be returned, and that the Muslims would go back that year without entering Makkah, etc.

By virtue of his deep understanding that was derived from the guidance of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), the Prophet (SAW) understood that this treaty, which appeared to be quite unfair to the Muslims, was in fact something good and represented a great victory for Islam and the Muslims.

The Sahaabah, however, were dismayed when they learned the content of the treaty. They saw it as unfair and unjust, especially as they had the upper hand at that time. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab expressed the angry feelings of the Sahaabah when he went to Abu Bakr and asked him: “Is he not the Messenger of Allah (SAW)?” Abu Bakr said, “Of course.” “Are we not Muslims?” “Yes.” “Are they not mushrikin?” “Yes.” “Why should we accept this deal which is so humiliating to our religion?” Abu Bakr warned him, “O ‘Umar, follow his orders. I bear witness that he is the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” Umar said, “And I bear witness that he is the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” Then ‘Umar went to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) , and asked him questions similar to those he had asked Abu Bakr. But when he asked, “Why should we accept this deal which is so humiliating to our religion?” the Prophet (SAW) replied, “I am the servant of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His Messenger; I will never disobey His command, and He will never forsake me.”56

Then ‘Umar realized that his haste to oppose the treaty was a mistake. He used to say, “I kept giving charity, fasting, praying and freeing slaves because of what I had done and said on that day, until I hoped that ultimately it would be good for me (because it made me perform so many good deeds).”57

When the Prophet (SAW) had ratified the treaty, he commanded his Companions to get up, slaughter their sacrificial animals, and shave their heads, but none of them got up 58 . He told them three times to do this, but not one of them responded. He went to his wife Umm Salamah, and told her what he was facing from the people. At this point the wisdom and intelligence of Umm Salamah become quite clear: she told him, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), go out and do not speak to any of them until you have sacrificed your animal and shaved your head.”

The Prophet (SAW) took her advice, and did as she suggested. When the Sahaabah saw that, they rushed to sacrifice their animals, pushing one another aside, and some of them began to shave one another’s heads, until they were almost fighting with one another because of their distress and grief, and their regret for having disobeyed the Prophet (SAW).59

After that, the Muslims came back to their senses, and they understood the Prophet (SAW)’s great wisdom in agreeing to this treaty, which in fact was a manifest victory, because many more people entered Islam after it than had before. In Sahih Muslim it states that the ayah, (Verily We have granted you a manifest Victory) (Qur’aan 48:1) referred to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah.

The Prophet (SAW) sent for ‘Umar and recited this ayah to him. ‘Umar said, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), it is really a victory?” He said, “Yes,” so then ‘Umar felt at peace.60

She encourages her husband to spend for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa)

Another way in which the true Muslim woman supports her husband is by encouraging him to spend and give charity for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and not to waste money in extravagance and ostentatious purchases, as we see so many ignorant and misguided women doing.

The alert Muslim woman always wants goodness and success for her husband, so she urges him to do good deeds, and to do more of them, because she believes that by doing this, she will increase her honor in this world and her reward in the next.

One of the beautiful stories narrated about a woman’s encouraging her husband to spend for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) is the story of Umm al-Dahdah. When her husband came to her and told her that he had given in charity the garden in which she and her children used to live, in hopes of receiving a bunch of dates 61 in Paradise, she said, “You have got a good deal, you have got a good deal.” The Prophet (SAW) commented, “How many bunches of dates Abu’l-Dahdah will have in Paradise!” and he repeated this several times.62

She helps him to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa)

One of the qualities of the good Muslim wife is that she helps her husband to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) in different ways, especially to stay up and pray at night (qiyaam al-layl). By doing this, she does him an immense favor, because she reminds him to do something he might otherwise forget or neglect. Thus she causes him, and herself, to be covered by the mercy of Allah.

What a beautiful picture the Prophet (SAW) drew of the married couple helping one another to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and do good deeds, and entering into the mercy of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) together. This comes in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RAA), who said:

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray, and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”63

She fills his heart with joy

The clever and sensitive Muslim woman does not forget that one of the greatest deeds she can do in life, after worshipping Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), is to be successful in endearing herself to her husband and filling his heart with joy, so that he will feel in the depths of his heart that he is happy to be married to her, and enjoys living with her and being in her company. So she uses her intelligence to find ways and means of opening his heart and filling it with joy and happiness, so that she may become the queen of his heart. She understands that she is the greatest joy of a man in this world, as is stated in the hadeeth narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (RAA), in which the Prophet (SAW) said:

“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.”64

She does not forget that she is the greatest joy in this life for a man, if she knows how to endear herself to him. If she does not know how to endear herself to him then in most cases she will be a source of unhappiness and misery to her husband, as was confirmed by the Prophet (SAW) :

“Three things make the son of Adam happy, and three make him miserable. Among the things that make the son of Adam happy are a good wife, a good home and a good means of transport; the things that make him miserable are a bad wife, a bad home and a bad means of transport.”65

Hence being a good wife, and endearing oneself to one’s husband, are a part of religion, because this offers protection to a man by helping him to remain chaste, and strengthens the foundations of the family, thus bringing happiness to her husband and children.

The Muslim woman by nature likes to endear herself to her husband; in doing so she finds a way of fulfilling her femininity and her inclinations to make herself attractive. But for the Muslim woman, the matter goes even further: in seeking to win her husband’s heart, she is also seeking to earn the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), Who has made being a good wife a part of religion, about which she will be questioned in the Hereafter. So she does not spare any effort in her loving treatment of her husband: she presents a pleasing appearance, speaks pleasantly and kindly, and is a clever and likeable companion.

She makes herself beautiful for him

She makes herself beautiful for her husband by means of make-up, clothing, etc., so that she will appear more beautiful and attractive, and thus make her husband happy. This was the practice of the righteous women of the salaf, who used to devote their time to worshipping Allah and reading Qur’aan. Foremost among them were ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) and others; they used to wear fine clothes and jeweler at home and when they were traveling, in order to make themselves look beautiful for their husbands.

Bakrah bint ‘Uqbah came to ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) and asked her about henna. ‘A’ishah said, “It comes from a good tree and pure water.” She asked her about removing body hair, and she said, “If you have a husband, and you could remove your eyes and replace them with something better, then do it.”66

Let those careless women who neglect their appearance in front of their husbands listen to the advice of ‘A’ishah, and realize that their beauty should be primarily for their husbands, not for their friends and peers. Those women who are failing to make themselves beautiful for their husbands are sinners, because they are falling short in one of the greatest duties of marriage. Their negligence may be the cause of their husbands staying away from them and looking at other women.

The wife whose husband only ever sees her with unkempt hair, looking pale and wan and wearing shabby old clothes, is a foolish and disobedient wife. It will be of no help to her if she rushes to beautify herself only when receiving guests, or going to a women’s party, but remains looking shabby most of the time in front of her husband. I think that the Muslim woman who is truly guided by the teachings of Islam will be safe from such shortcomings, because she treats her husband properly, and a woman who treats her husband properly is most unlikely to fail in fulfilling her duty towards him.

It is one of the teachings of Islam that a woman should make herself look beautiful for her husband, so that her husband should only ever see of her that which he likes. So it is forbidden for a woman to dress in mourning for more than three days, except in the case of her husband’s death, when she is permitted to mourn for four months and ten days. We find proof of this in the hadeeth narrated by Al-Bukhaari from Zaynab the daughter of Umm Salamah, who said, “I came to Zaynab bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet (SAW) when her brother died. She called for perfume and applied it to herself, then said, “I am not wearing perfume because I need to, but because I heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say from the minbar:

“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day to grieve for more than three days, except for her husband, (for whom she may grieve) four months and ten days.”67

She is cheerful and grateful when she meets him

One of the ways in which the Muslim woman makes herself attractive to her husband is by being happy, cheerful, friendly and gentle, thus flooding her husband’s life with joy. When he comes home exhausted from his work, she greets him with a smiling face and kind words.

She puts her own concerns to one side for a while, and helps him to forget some of his worries. She appears as cheerful and serene as she can, and expresses her gratitude to him every time he does something good for her.

The true Muslim woman is fair-minded, and is never ungrateful to any person, because the teachings of her religion protect her from falling into the error of bad behavior and ingratitude for favors. How then could she be ungrateful to her husband, her beloved lifelong companion?

She knows well the teaching of the Prophet (SAW) : “He does not thank Allah who does not thank people.”68

She understands from this that every person who does good deeds and favors deserves thanks and recognition, so how could she hesitate or fail to show gratitude to her husband, especially when she hears the words of the Prophet (SAW) :

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will not look at the woman who does not thank her husband at the time when she cannot do without him.”69

She shares his joys and sorrows

Another of the ways in which a woman may endear herself to her husband is by sharing his joys and sorrows. So she joins him in some of his pastimes, and his daily work, such as reading, exercise, and attending useful talks and gatherings, and so on, so that her husband will feel that he is not alone in his enjoyment of the good things in life, but that he is sharing these pleasures with a loving, intelligent and loyal wife.

The fact that the Prophet (SAW) raced with ‘A’ishah more than once indicates the fact that Islam urges both spouses to share their partner’s joy and happiness in life, because this sharing will have a powerful effect in deepening their feelings for one another and strengthening the bonds between them.

Just as she shares his joys, so she also shares his worries and concerns, and comes to him with kind words of consolation, mature and sensible advice and sincere emotional support.

She does not look at other men

The true Muslim woman avoids looking at men other than her husband; she does not stare at men who are not related to her (i.e. who are not her mahrams), in obedience to the command of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa): (And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze . . .) (Qur’aan 24:31).

By refraining from looking at other men, she will be one of those chaste women who restrain their glances, which is a quality men like in women, because it is indicative of their purity, decency and fidelity. This is one of the most beautiful characteristics of the chaste, decent, pure Muslim woman, and this was referred to in the Qur’aan when it speaks of the women of Paradise and their qualities that are loved by men:

(In them will be [Maidens] chaste, restraining their glances, whom no man or jinn before them has touched.) (Qur’aan 55:56)

She does not describe other women to him

Another of the characteristics of the intelligent Muslim woman is that she does not describe any of her (female) friends or acquaintances to him, because this is forbidden according to the words of the Prophet (SAW) :

“No woman should talk about another woman, or describe her to her husband (so that it is) as if he sees her.”70

Islam wants people’s hearts to be at peace, and to put a stop to provocative thoughts and overactive imaginations, so that people may live their lives in a decent and calm fashion, free from such thoughts and able to go about the tasks and duties for which they were created. No man should let his mind be occupied with cheap thoughts of the contrast between his wife and the woman she describes, or let himself become crazy with the embellishments his own imagination may add to the woman’s supposed beauty. He should not let such foolish talk stop him from going about his work and usual pastimes, or lead him to temptation and make him go astray.

She tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility for him

The Muslim woman does not only make herself beautiful for her husband and share his work and pastimes, but she also tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility in the home. So she tries to keep a clean and tidy home, in which he will see order and good taste, and clean, well-mannered, polite children, and where good meals are prepared regularly. The clever woman also does whatever else she can based on her knowledge and good taste. All of this is part of being a good Muslim wife as enjoined by Islam.

The true Muslim woman does not forget that according to Islam marriage is one of the signs of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). Islam has made the wife a source of tranquility, rest and consolation for her husband: And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21)

Marriage is the deepest of bonds which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) ties between one soul and another, so that they may enjoy peace, tranquility, stability and permitted pleasures.

The wife is a source of refuge, security and rest for her husband in a marital home that is filled with sincere love and compassionate mercy. The truly-guided Muslim woman is the best one to understand this lofty meaning and to translate it into a pleasant and cheerful reality.

She is tolerant and forgiving

The Muslim woman is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking any errors on the part of her husband. She does not bear a grudge against him for such errors or remind him about them every so often. There is no quality that will endear her to her husband like the quality of tolerance and forgiveness, and there is nothing that will turn her husband against her like resentment, counting faults and reminding him about his mistakes.

The Muslim woman who is following the guidance of Islam obeys the command of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa): (. . . Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you?. . .) (Qur’aan 24:22)

Such a woman deserves to be the queen of her husband’s heart and to fill his soul with joy and happiness.

She is strong in character and wise

Among the most prominent characteristics of the Muslim woman are her strength of character, mature way of thinking, and serious conduct. These are qualities which the Muslim woman possesses both before and after marriage, because they are the result of her understanding of Islam and her awareness of her mission in life.

She exhibits this strength of character when she is choosing a husband. She does not give way to her father’s whims if he has deviated from the right way and is seeking to force her into a marriage that she does not want. Neither does she give in to the man who comes to seek her hand in marriage, no matter how rich or powerful he may be, if he does not have the qualities of a true Muslim husband.

After marriage, her character remains strong, even though she is distinguished by her easy-going nature, mild-tempered behavior and loving obedience to her husband. Her strength of character comes to the fore especially when she has to take a stand in matters concerning her religion and ‘aqeedah, as we have seen in some of the narratives referred to previously, such as Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who insisted on adhering to Islam along with her son Anas, although her husband Malik ibn al-Nadar remained a mushrik, opposed to his wife being Muslim (see p. 166-168); and Umm Habibah bint Abi Sufyan who remained steadfast in her Islam when her husband ‘Ubayd-Allah ibn Jahsh al-Asadi became an apostate and joined the religion of the Abyssinians (see p. 98-101); and Barirah who was determined to separate from her husband whom she did not love, even though the Prophet (SAW) tried to intervene on his behalf (see p. 162-163); and the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, who demanded a divorce from her husband whom she did not love either, and the Prophet (SAW) accepted her request (see p. 162).

The primary motive of these women in taking up such a strong stance was their concern to adhere to Islam, to keep their belief (‘aqeedah) pure, and ultimately to please Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).

Each of them was seeking that which is halaal in her married life, and feared committing any haraam deed, either because she was married to a man who did not share her religious beliefs, or she was falling short in her duties towards a husband whom she did not love or could not live with. If it were not for their strength of character and feelings of pride in themselves and their faith, they would have followed the commands of the misguided husbands and would have found themselves going astray, choking on the misery of living with a husband they could not truly accept. The courage of these women shows how the true Muslim women should be, no matter where or when she lives.

But the Muslim woman’s strength of character should not make her forget that she is required to obey her husband, treating him with honor and respect. Her strength of character should make her strike a wise balance in the way she speaks and acts towards him, with no inconsistency or carelessness. Even in those moments of anger which are unavoidable in a marriage, she should control herself and restrain her tongue, lest she say anything that could hurt her husband’s feelings. This is the quality of a strong, balanced character.

‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) represents the highest example of this good quality, and every Muslim woman should follow her example. The way in which she swore an oath when she was happy with her husband, the Prophet (SAW) , was different from the way she spoke when she was upset with him. This is an example of good manners and respect. It was something that the Prophet (SAW) noticed, as she narrated that he said:

“I know when you are happy with me and when you are upset with me.” She said, “How do you know that?” He said, “When you are happy with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ and when you are upset with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Ibrahim.’” She said, “Yes, that is right. By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I only keep away from your name.”71

What refined manners and sincere love!

‘A’ishah’s strength of character became even more prominent when she was tried with the slander (al-ifk) which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) made a test for His Messenger and for all the ummah, raising the status of some and lowering that of others, increasing the faith of those who were guided and increasing the loss of those who went astray. Her strength of character and deep faith in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) became apparent, and her trust in Him alone to prove her innocence was quite clear. I can find no more beautiful description of the deep and sincere faith of ‘A’ishah and her trust in the justice of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), than that given by Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, who said:

“The test was so severe that the Revelation ceased for a month because of it, and nothing at all concerning this issue was revealed to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) during that time, so that the wisdom behind what had happened might become completely apparent and the sincere believers might be increased in faith and adherence to justice and might think well of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), His Messenger, the Messenger’s family and those believers who spoke the truth. The munafiqun, meanwhile, would be increased only in sins and hypocrisy, and their true nature would be exposed to the Prophet (SAW) and the believers. ‘A’ishah, the one who had spoken the truth, and her parents would be shown to be true servants of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) who had received His full blessing. Their needs for Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and desire to draw closer to Him would increase; they would feel humble before Him and would put their hope and trust in Him, instead of hoping for the support of other people. ‘A’ishah would despair of receiving help from any created being, and she passed this most difficult test when her father said, ‘Get up and thank him,’ after Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had sent down a Revelation confirming her innocence. She said, ‘By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), I will not get up and thank him; I will only give thanks to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) Who has revealed my innocence.’

“Another aspect of the wisdom behind the Revelation being suspended for a month was that people would focus solely on this issue and examine it closely; the believers would wait with eager anticipation to hear what Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would reveal to His Messenger concerning this matter. The Revelation came like rain on parched land, when it was most needed by the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and his family, by Abu Bakr and his family, by the Sahaabah and by the believers, and it brought them great relief and joy. If Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had revealed the truth of the matter from the first instant, then the wisdom behind this event would have been obscured and a great lesson would have been lost.

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) wanted to demonstrate the status of His Prophet (SAW) and his family in His sight, and the honor which He had bestowed upon them. He Himself was to defend His Messenger and rebuke his enemies, in such a way that the Prophet (SAW) had nothing to do with it. Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) alone would avenge His Prophet (SAW) and his family.

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) was the target of this slander, and the one who was accused was his wife. It was not appropriate for him to declare her innocence, although he knew that she was indeed innocent, and never thought otherwise. When he asked people to avenge him of those who had spread the slander, he said: ‘Who could blame me if I were to punish those who slandered my family? By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), I have never known anything but good from my family, and they have told me about a man from whom I have never known anything but good, and he never came in my house except with me.’ He had more proof than the believers did of ‘A’ishah’s innocence, but because of his high level of  patience, perseverance and deep trust in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), he acted in the appropriate manner until the Revelation came that made his heart rejoice and raised his status, showing to his ummah that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) was taking care of him.

“Whoever examines ‘A’ishah’s response, when her father told her to get up and thank the Messenger of Allah (SAW), and she said, ‘No, I will give thanks only to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa),’ will realize the extent of her knowledge and the depth of her faith. She attributed this blessing to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) alone, and gave thanks only to Him. She had a sound grasp of Tawhid, and demonstrated great strength of character and confidence in her innocence. She was not curious or anxious about the outcome when she spoke thus, because she was sure that she had done nothing wrong. Because of her faith in the Prophet (SAW)’s love for her, she said what she said. She became even dearer to him when she said, ‘I will not give thanks except to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), for He is the One Who has revealed my innocence.’ She displayed remarkable maturity and steadfastness when her dearly beloved husband, whom she could not bear to be apart from, kept away from her for a month; then when the matter was resolved and he wished to come back to her, she did not rush to him, despite her great love for him. This is the highest level of steadfastness and strength of character.”72

It is indeed the highest level of maturity and strength of character. The true Muslim woman is humble, kind, loving and obedient towards her husband, but she does not allow her character to weaken before him, even if he is the most beloved of all people towards her, and the most noble and honorable of all human beings, so long as she is in the right and is adhering to the way of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) set the highest example of the strength of character of the Muslim woman who is proud of her religion and understands what it is to be a true servant of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) alone.

The Muslim woman should interpret ‘A’ishah’s attitude as an attitude of superiority or arrogance, pushing her husband away. We have already explained the duties of the Muslim woman towards her husband i.e., obedience, loving kindness and seeking to please him, in accordance with Islamic teachings. What we learn from the attitude of ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) is the esteem and honor with which Islam regards woman, so long as she adheres to the laws and teachings of Islam. This is what gives her character strength, pride, honor and wisdom.

Islam gives women rights and recognition which are envied by Western women when they hear about women’s rights in Islam (see p. 92), This has been freely admitted by women’s liberation activists in Arab countries, as we have seen (see p. 58). Many of them have retracted their claims that Muslim women need to be liberated; one such activist is Dr. Nawaal El-Saadawi, who was interviewed for the Kuwaiti newspaper al-Watan (mid-August 1989).

Dr. El-Saadawi was asked, “Do you think that the European women are an example to be copied?” She replied, “No, not at all. European women have advanced in some fields, but are backward in others. The marriage laws in Europe oppress women, and this is what led to the development of women’s liberation movements in those countries and in America, where this movement is very strong and is even at times quite vicious.”

Then she remarked: “Our Islamic religion has given women more rights than any other religion has, and has guaranteed her honor and pride, but what has happened is that men have sometimes used certain aspects of this religion to create a patriarchal class system in which males dominate females.”

Clearly this patriarchal oppression mentioned by Dr. El Saadawi, which has led to the oppression of women, has been caused by ignorance of the true teachings of Islam.

She is one of the most successful wives

This discussion of the intellectual, psychological and other qualities of the smart Muslim wife demonstrates that she is a successful wife, if not the most successful wife and the greatest blessing and good fortune that a man may enjoy.

By virtue of her understanding of Islamic teaching, and her fulfilling her duties towards her husband, she becomes the greatest joy of her husband’s life: when he comes home, she greets him with a warm and friendly smile, speaking kindly and sweetly, looking attractive and smart, with a clean and tidy house, pleasant conversation, and a table full of good food, pleasing him and making him happy.

She is obedient, kind and loving towards her husband, ever eager to please him. She does not disclose his secrets or upset his plans. She stands beside him at times of hardship, offering her support and wise advice. She shares his joys and sorrows. She endears herself to him by the way she looks and behaves, and fills his life with joy and happiness. She encourages him to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) in different ways, and motivates him by joining him in different activities. She respects his mother and family. She refrains from looking at other men. She keeps away from foolish and worthless talk. She is keen to provide an atmosphere of peace, tranquility and stability for her husband and children. She is strong of character without being rude or aggressive, and is kind and gentle without being weak. She earns the respect of those who speak to her. She is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking errors and never bearing grudges.

Thus the Muslim wife deserves to be the most successful wife. She is the greatest blessing that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) may bestow upon a man, and an incomparable source of joy in this life. The Prophet (SAW) indeed spoke the truth when he said:

“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.”73

The muslim woman and her husband

Source : http://www.tamilislam.com/ENGLISH/human_rights/THE%20MUSLIM%20WOMAN%20AND%20HER%20HUSBAND.htm

Footnotes: 1. Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr. 2. See Fath al-Bari, 9/194, Kitab al-nikah, bab ikrah al-bint ‘ala al-zawaj; Ibn Majah, 1/602, Kitab al-nikah, bab man zawwaja ibnatahu wa hiya karihah; al-Mabsut 5/2. 3. Fath al-Bari, 9/395, Kitab al-talaq, bab al-khul’. 4. Fath al-Bari, 9/408, Kitab al-talaq, bab shafa’at al-Nabi (r) fi zawj Barirah. 5. A hasan hadith narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/274, Abwab al-nikah, 3; and by Ibn Majah, 1/633, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-akfa’. 6. Reported by al-Nisa’i with a sahih isnad, 6/114, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-tazwij ‘ala’l-Islam. 7. Fath al-Bari, 7/476, Kitab al-maghazi, bab ghazwat Khaybar. 8. See Fath al-Bari, 7/71, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab manaqib ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib; Sahih Muslim, 17/45, Kitab al-dhikr wa’l-du’a', bab al-tasbih awwal al-nahar wa ‘ind al-nawm. 9. See Fath al-Bari, 9/319, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-ghirah. 10. Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzar; the men of its isnad are rijal al-sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 9/4, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah. 11. A hasan sahih hadith, narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, in Abwab a-rida’, 10. 12. Reported by al-Bazzar with a hasan isnad. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/308, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah. 13. Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisa’i with jayyid isnads, and by al-Hakim, who said that its isnad was sahih. See al-Mundhiri, Al-Targhib wa’l-Tarhib, 3/52, Kitab al-nikah. 14. Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; its narrators are thiqat. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/306, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah. 15. Ibn Majah, 1/595, Kitab al-nikah, bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah; al-Hakim, 4/173, Kitab al-birr wa’l-silah; he said its isnad is sahih. 16. Reported by al-Tabarani. Its narrators are those whose reports are accepted as sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/312. 17. Fath al-Bari, 9/294, Kitab al-nikah, bab idha batat al-mar’ah muhajirah firash zawjiha; Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim imtina’ al-mar’ah min firash zawjiha. 18. Sahih Muslim, 10/7, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim imtina’ al-mar’ah min firash zawjiha. 19. A sahih hadith narrated by al-Tabarani in al-Awsat and al-Kabir. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/296, bab fi man yad’u zawjahu fa ta’talla. 20. Reported by al-Bazzar, whose narrators are rijal al-sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/312. 21. A hasan sahih hadith narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, abwab al-rida’, 10, and by Ibn Hibban, Sahih, 9,473, kitab al-nikah. 22. Sahih Muslim, 9/178, Kitab al-nikah, bab nadab man ra’a imra’atan fa waqa’at fi nafsihi ila an ya’ti imra’atahu. 23. Reported by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih, 12/178, Kitab al-ashribah, 2, fasl fi’l-ashribah. 24. Reported by al-Hakim, 2/190, Kitab al-nikah; he said its isnad is sahih. 25. Fath al-Bari, 9/295, Kitab al-nikah, bab la ta’dhan al-mar’ah fi bayt zawjiha li ahad illa bi idhnihi. 26. Sahih Muslim, 7/115, Kitab al-zakah, bab ajr al-khazin wa’l-mar’ah idha tasaddaqat min bayt zawjaha. 27. Al-Bukhaari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/327, Kitab al-’iddah, bab nafaqah al-awlad wa’l-aqarib. 28. Al-Bukhaari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/327, Kitab al-imarah wa’l-qada’: bab al-ra’i mas’ul ‘an ra’iyatihi. 29. See Sahih Muslim, 16/81, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab min fada’il nisa’ Quraysh. 30. Tawaf al-ifadah is one of the important rites of Hajj. It is done on the tenth day of Dhu’l-Hijjah after sacrificing an animal and shaving one’s head. [Translator] 31. Sahih Muslim, 8/99, kitab al-Hajj, bab istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram. 32. Fath al-Bari, 3/585, Kitab al-Hajj, bab al-tib. 33. Sahih Muslim, 8/100, kitab al-Hajj, bab istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram. 34. Sahih Muslim, 8/100, kitab al-Hajj, bab istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram. 35. Sahih Muslim, 3/208, Kitab al-hayd, bab jawaz ghusl al-ha’id ra’as zawjiha wa tarjiluhu. 36. Fath al-Bari, 1/403, Kitab al-hayd, bab mubashirah al-ha’id; Sahih Muslim, 3/209, Kitab al-hayd, bab jawaz ghusl al-ha’id ra’as zawjiha. 37. Reported as sahih by Ibn Hibban, and with a jayyid isnad by al-Bazzar; its narrators are well-known and are thiqat. See Ibn al-Jawzi, Ahkam al-nisa’, p. 311. 38. Jamharah khutab al-’arab, 1/145. 39. Fath al-Bari, 3/328, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-zawj wa’l-aytam fi’l-hijr; Sahih Muslim, 7/86, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib. 40. Fath al-Bari, 3/325, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib. 41. Fath al-Bari, 3/325, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib; Sahih Muslim, 2/65, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan naqsan al-iman bi naqs al-ta’at. 42. Fath al-Bari, 1/83, Kitab al-iman, bab kufran al-’ashir. 43. Reported by Ahmad, 3/428; its narrators are rijal al-sahih. 44. Al-tabaqat al-kubra, 7/208-209. 45. Sahih Muslim, 16/11, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm Sulaym. 46. See Sahih Muslim, 16/11, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm Sulaym. 47. From a lengthy hadith narrated by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim. See Fath al-Bari, 5/116, Kitab al-mazalim, bab al-ghurfah wa’l-’aliyyah al-mushrifah; Sahih Muslim, 7/195, Kitab al-siyam, bab bayan an al-shahr yakun tis’an wa ‘ishrin. 48. A hasan sahih hadith, reported by Tirmidhi, 2/329, abwab al-talaq, 11; Ibn Hibban, 9/490, Kitab al-nikah, bab ma’ashirah al-zawjayn. 49. Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim ifsha’ sirr al-mar’ah; Al-targhib wa’l-tarhib, 3/86, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-tarhib min ifsha’ al-sirr bayna al-zawjayn. 50. The story of the Prophet (SAW)’s keeping way from his wives is narrated by al-Al-Bukhaari, Muslim and others. See Fath al-Bari, 5/116, kitab almazalim, bab al-ghurfah wa’l-aliyyah al-mushrifah, and 8/656, kitab al-tafsir, Surat al-Tahrim; Sahih Muslim, 7/195, Kitab al-siyam, bab bayan an al-shahr yakun tis’an wa ‘ishrin. 51. See Fath al-Bari, 2/162, Kitab al-adhan, bab man kana fi hajah ahlihi. 52. Fath al-Bari, 1/23, Kitab bad’ al-wahy, bab hadith ‘A’ishah awwal ma bada’a bihi al-wahy; Sahih Muslim, 2/197, Kitab al-iman, bab bad’ al-wahy. 53. Al-sirah, 1/254. 54. Ibid., 1/257. 55. Al-Bukhaari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 14/155, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab manaqib Khadijah. 56. Al-Sirah, 3/331; see also Fath al-Bari, 6/281, Kitab al-jizyah wa’l-mawadi’ah, bab hadith Sahl ibn Hanif; Sahih Muslim, 12/141, Kitab al-jihad wa’l-siyar, bab sulh al-Hudaybiyah. 57. Al-Sirah 3/331. 58. The Prophet (SAW) was telling his Companions to end the state of ihram which they had entered in order to perform ‘Umrah. They had been prevented from entering Makkah, and were to wait until the following year to perform ‘Umrah, but they did not want to abandon their hope of performing ‘Umrah on this occasion. They did not want to accept the deal that had been struck with the Quraysh, hence they were reluctant to end their ihram. [Translator] 59. Zad al-Ma’ad, 3:295, al-Tabari, 2/124. 60. Sahih Muslim, 12/141, Kitab al-jihad wa’l-siyar, bab sulh al-Hudaybiyah. 61. See Sahih Muslim, 8/33, Kitab al-jana’iz, bab al-lahd wa nasab al-laban ‘ala’l-mayit. 62. Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; its narrators are rijal al-sahih. See also Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 9/324, Kitab al-manaqib, bab ma ja’a fi Abi’l-Dahdah. 63. Reported by Abu Dawud, 2/45, in Kitab al-salah: bab qiyam al-layl, and by al-Hakim 1/309, Kitab salah al-tatawwu’; he said that it is sahih according to the consitions of Muslim. 64. Sahih Muslim, 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr. 65. Reported by Ahmad, 1/168; its narrators are rijal al-sahih. 66. Ibn al-Jawzi, Ahkam al-Nisa’, 343. 67. Fath al-Bari, 9/484, Kitab al-talaq, bab ihdad al-mutawafa ‘anha zawjuha. 68. Reported by Al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/310, Bab man la yashkur al-nas. 69. Reported by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, 2/190, Kitab al-nikah; he said it is a hadith whose isnad is sahih. 70. See Fath al-Bari, 9/338, Kitab al-nikah, bab tabashir al-mar’ah al-mar’ah fatana’atha li zawjiha. 71. See Sahih Muslim, 15/203, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm al-Mu’minin ‘A’ishah. 72. Zad al-Ma’ad, 3/261-264. 73. Sahih Muslim, 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.

Many times we go through our daily routines without much thought, even such acts as wudu and prayer.  Once someone passed on a quote, “keep smiling for you never know who may fall in love with it”.  It reminded me that all of our actions count, not just our smile.  Sometimes the smallest of our actions may leave a lasting print on someone we cross paths with.  I will never forget one of my staff: I was required to do a bi-yearly staff evaluation which consisted of sitting in on a few classes and writing up a form and submitting it.  This surely affected her chances of getting a merit raise or other benefits.  However, due to a heavy schedule I was not always able to sit in on the 11 classes with the frequency that I really should have. When it came time to write up the appraisal, I made a few strict comments about her always keeping to herself and not interacting with her peers and a few other classroom management issues.  When she was requested to sign it she turned the form in with stiff replies to all points and the basis was- how could I effectively evaluate her when I had not attended her class more than twice.

In all fairness, she was right.  I had not spent enough time to be able to give her a full evaluation.  Maybe other supervisors would have been upset or felt threatened by such a response from an employee.  However I knew that she was right and was only asking for fair treatment.  In the subsequent portion of the school year, I gained a new respect for the teacher as she put more effort into rectifying her shortfalls.  At the same time, I made more of an effort to appreciate her work and to notice it.  Because of her courage to stand up for what was right, I learned a valuable lesson in dealing with colleagues.  I started to increase my attention of the teachers’ best efforts, and tried to give them support to overcome weak areas.

A few years later I decided to stop working and focus on my family. During that time, this particular teacher sent me a message out of the blue telling me how much she had appreciated working with me and she listed a few things that I had done that had really had a positive affect upon her as a person.  One of them was noticing people and recognizing their value as an individual.  I never thought about that.  It just seemed a normal thing that we should do for each other, yet she was not the only one to mention this point.  Time and again it was said how much I had influenced a person, changed how they looked at things, encouraged them to go past what they thought was their limit, and how I was able to see the lion hiding within the kitten.

I often think back to that message.  It touched me so deeply and made me realize that often its the little things which we do that have an impact on people, hopefully in a positive way.  We may never know or hear of how we touched someone’s life.  Our behavior or actions may be planted as seeds and take a long time to grow, but we know that the seeds are there.  For this reason we should always think how we represent ourselves, as human beings and as Muslims.  Does our behavior coincide with Islamic teachings? Does our hijab or dress present the real teachings or are we tied up in trying to be modern? Are we shy to convey to others what we believe in?

The following video is short but the point is so clear!  What we do– or DON’T do– may have strong effects upon those who come in contact with us.  Let us be aware and try to improve ourselves so that we  can always promote the best knowledge, behaviors and attitudes.

Image by joesflickr via Flickr

I was attending the Friday prayer at a certain mosque once. In the back corner, I noticed two teenage girls sitting side by side, whispering and giggling throughout most of the khutbah (sermon). It was slightly distracting, but nobody made a fuss about it—except one older woman who was eyeing them with anger the entire time. As soon as the prayer ended, she marched toward them and towered over their small bodies. “YOU CAN’T TALK DURING THE KHUTBAH!!” she yelled at the top of her lungs. You could see the utter humiliation on these girls’ faces, as they lowered their heads and peered at all the spectators observing this embarrassing scene. After that woman’s verbal beating, I knew that immediate damage control was in order if these girls were to ever step foot in the mosque again.

It pains me to see how much aggressive behavior is unleashed on fellow sisters and brothers, all in the name of correcting wrongs, or enjoining good and forbidding evil. Islam is not a religion with a strict code of rules that needs to be imposed upon people. We forget that we are dealing with dignified human beings, who have delicate souls, hearts, emotions, and feelings. They are not inanimate objects on a factory belt, where they can be thrown around, cleansed and polished so the perfect ‘halal’ (appropriate) end product pops out. Each person has a unique life story, and every story has its struggles and difficulties; some people might be converts, or are just starting to learn about their religion. Others might not have had parents who taught them Islam, or parents who imposed religious practices upon them until they felt suffocated and constricted. There are also people who feel lost and are searching for guidance, and there are those who committed major sins and want to repent.

All these people have one thing in common: they want to feel love and acceptance. They don’t want to be humiliated or looked down upon. They want to be dealt with patiently, and they want a secure, nourishing environment to grow in. They want to see warm, inviting smiles that draw them closer to God and to the Muslim community. They want kind words of encouragement and support that inspire them to follow the Prophetic way in their worships, speech and character.  The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) never sugar-coated the truth or stopped calling to the way of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala(exalted is He). Yet, it was his soft, gentle approach that made his message so palatable and soul-satisfying. The Qur’an testifies: “So, by the mercy of Allah [O Muhammad], you were gentle with them—and had you been harsh or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you. So, pardon them, and ask forgiveness for them and consult them about matters…” (Qur’an, 3:159). Look at the beautiful advice of the Prophet ﷺ: “Make matters easy, and do not make them difficult; and give glad tidings and do not turn people away,” [Bukhari]. He ﷺ also made gentleness a beautifying component of everything: “Gentleness is not in something except that it adorns it, and it is not stripped from something except that it ruins it,” [Muslim].

We give gifts to people because we care about them; it is one of the ways we show love, gratitude or appreciation. We also choose gifts that people enjoy or that would improve the quality of their lives. Can you imagine telling someone: “Hey, I have a gift for you,” and then throwing it in their face, leaving them bruised and not wanting anything to do with you or your gift? Think about our da`wah (outreach) efforts and advice as gifts. We want people to love Allah (swt) more and to develop an overwhelming desire in the heart to please Him so they can be successful in this life and the hereafter.  If we want our gifts to be received graciously—if we want people to pray on time, or to gain the full reward of the Friday prayer by listening quietly, or to cover more modestly, or to quit bad habits—we need to present these gifts more gracefully and adorn them with gentleness and a loving tone. If our goal is to please God, and not to flex our knowledge muscles or put people down to boost our egos, it is crucial that we pay as much, if not more, attention to how we say our words as to what we say.

There is another problem on the other side of the spectrum; some people have such a high regard for people’s feelings that they refrain from giving advice completely. They themselves might be afraid of being rejected, causing conflict, or not having adequate knowledge. They could also feel that they are not in a place to start pointing out other’s faults or mistakes because they themselves are sinful Muslims. Here, it is important to remember the Prophet’s ﷺ  words: “Whoever sees something wrong, he should change it with his hand. If he cannot, then [he should speak against it] with his tongue. If he cannot, then [he should dislike it] in his heart—and that is the weakest of faith” [Muslim]. The Qur’an also says that people are in a state of loss, except for those who “believe, and do righteous deeds, and advise one another to the truth, and advise one another to patience,” (Qur’an, 103:3).

Part of being one Ummah (community) is to care about our brothers’ and sisters’ relationship with our Creator, and to support them in their religious and spiritual growth. Also, the basics of the religion are known, so it does not require much knowledge to encourage good deeds.¹  Our beloved Prophet ﷺ advised: “Convey on my behalf, even if (just) one verse,” [Bukhari]. There is no denying that actively calling to Allah’s way is difficult. People are generally insecure about their shortcomings, and they do not enjoy having a mirror put in front of them that highlights their blemishes. People might respond to our advice rudely or even harshly, making us feel belittled or dismissed at times. That is a common theme, though, with people who devote their lives to the calling. Look at the stories of the prophets and messengers, and how they endured their people’s criticisms and rejection. They were mocked, ridiculed and physically attacked, but they never quit. The value of conveying the message outweighed the physical or emotional pains that any of them experienced individually.

The key in advising people is to strike a balance. Encouraging God-consciousness and piety is praiseworthy, but it must be adorned with tact, kindness and humility. People need to feel that we care about them and are not just being judgmental or critical. For people to feel that positive, loving energy, we need to be sincerely aiming to please God and wanting the best for His servant-worshippers. It is important to remember that guidance ultimately comes from God. If we plant the seeds in people gently, we never know if and when God will cause these seeds to sprout and eventually bear fruit. The value remains, though, in planting the seeds irrespective of the results. If God utilizes us to bring people closer to His path, and we succeed in treating people with gentleness, mercy and compassion, our reward is secured with God, by His will.

To view this post on its original page, or other excellent articles,  please visit http://www.suhaibwebb.com

By Abida Aura Mustafa

Whether through death, loss, or disagreement, when we lose someone or something dear to us, we become overwhelmed by the pangs of grief; the pain of loss feels overbearing as though it would never end. Having to face the consequences of detachment can be a traumatic experience. All we can think of is the pain enshrouding our hearts and consuming our minds. With tears streaming down our faces, our faces contorted with emotion and our hearts too feeling as though a heavy burden has landed—the misery takes a hold of us and, blinded by our tears, we fail to see the light.

But there is a light; a light to behold even in the darkest corner of the earth, even in the murkiest depths of the ocean. We don’t have to drown in the quicksand of trauma. Nothing and nobody by Allah’s Will subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) has the ability to overpower the underlying depth of:

Inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon.

Verily, unto God do we belong and, verily, unto Him we shall return.

When we actually give some time and thought to reflect upon the words which constitute this statement, we come to realise that there is an extremely powerful and truthful message behind it—an answer to all our questions, grief and emotions.

This profound phrase captures the essence of our entire existence; it encapsulates where we came from and also where we are headed:

Allah

Understanding the statement has the ability to eradicate regrets and past events. It holds the key to finding contentment during those times when we think, ‘Why did that have to happen?’ We can become immersed in questioning, and drown in the misery of relentless searching for the answer…Or we can discover patience by asserting that regardless of whatever has occurred, we will indeed return to Allah (swt).

When we truly understand the meaning of inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon, we find that no sadness will last forever, and that we shouldn’t destroy ourselves by holding even the slightest bitterness or anger within us. By understanding that Allah (swt) is the One, the only One to Whom we belong, we should be able to move on from painful moments in our life (which we should assert as not being able to occur except that Allah (swt) Willed for it to be) and strive for our goal of meeting Him.

There should be no space for bitterness or anger when one truly comprehends the deep truthfulness of this phrase, and we should be able to forgive those who have intentionally or unintentionally wronged us because we know that Allah (swt) alone holds all sovereignty and that even our emotions belong to Him. By forgiving ourselves and others, by showing sabr(patience) in the face of death or loss, and by aspiring for Allah’s Mercy and Judgement, we open ourselves to a whole new level of understanding ourselves in the context of space and time. We can understand by His Will that Allah (swt) is all that matters, and everything else in this dunya (current life, world) is a means for us to reach Him because we want to be able to See Him at the end, for without a doubt we will have to return to Him.

‘Inna’ meaning ‘verily’ tells us that with certainty we belong to Allah (swt), that is, He Created us and bestowed on us our beginning without a doubt. ‘Inna’ occurs twice in this phrase, providing an emphasis on the certainty of Allah’s Ever-Lasting existence, emphasising the certainty of our beginning AND our end. So Allah (swt) is Al-Awwal (the Beginning, the First) and Al-Akhir (the End, the Last). Al-Awwal ul Akhir (The Ever-Lasting) is the source of light in every single moment of despair, hardship, and difficulty where our tears and grief blind us. Instead of allowing or hearts and souls to become blinded by the darkness of sadness, we can train ourselves in times of positive feelings and negative feelings to find contentment in Allah’s Decree, for nothing happens without His Decreeing it.

Allah (swt) tells us in Surah Baqarah, verses 155-156:

 And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Verily! To Allah we belong and verily, to Him we shall return.” (Qur’an 2:155-156)

This is our Lord, the One Who Created us when we were nothing, telling us in His Divine Book—tanzil (sent down) to humans and jinn as a dhikr (reminder)—that He will definitely test us with trials, but that He has Promised reward for those who are patient.

And how do we be ‘patient’ in the face of turmoil?

Just as Allah (swt) has created tests involving struggle, risk and loss, Allah (swt) has also told us how to approach these tests; He has revealed to us that the patient are those who, when afflicted with calamity, say, “Inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon.” In His infinite Mercy, Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala has allowed for relief to accompany difficulty. This also shows us that the losses and difficulties won’t last forever, and that everything which we regard as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in the dunya is of temporal nature.

No pain or grief or disagreement can last forever, but with certainty, Allah (swt) lasts forever and from Him we came to be and it is to Him we will with certainty return.

This means that the events which take place in this dunya are mere moments. We become so consumed by our grief that we fail to see that al-Qahhar (the Conqueror, the Ever-Dominating) has provided us with light and that even in the most difficult times, Allah (swt) provides ease with hardship.

Upon coming to terms with the truth and power imbued in inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon and proceeding to integrate this magnificent statement into each moment of your daily life, when you are faced with any minor or major losses, you will see a whole new world of contentment and serenity opened up to you, insha Allah (God willing).

The trials faced by Umm Salamah radi allahu `anha, may God be pleased with her, teach us important lessons about how to handle tests, loss and situations in which we do not get something we had hoped for. Her approach towards calamity shows us what it means to be patient in the face of adversity and to recognise that Allah (swt) will always restore what He takes away from a patient believer with something better.

All is NOT lost.

The beautiful way in which she approached her afflictions reminds us to rely on Allah (swt) and to never despair for He is Able to do anything at any moment; Allah (swt) is our Provider, and when we are struck by loss, and things don’t go the way we want them to, Allah (swt) is Ever-Watching and He is the Best of planners. Umm Salamah’s first husband was Abu Salamah radi allahu `anhu, may God be pleased with him, who returned to Allah (swt) during Jumada Al-Akhir in the fourth year after Hijra, after receiving wounds in the Battle of Uhud. His passing from this dunya resulted in grief for she had loved him sincerely; nonetheless, Umm Salamah (ra) did not fail to turn to Allah (swt). Heartbroken by his departure, she remained steadfast in her relationship with Allah (swt) and supplicated to Him for our Rabb (Lord) is Al Mughni—the Enricher, the One Who satisfies the necessities of His Creation. In her grief-stricken state as she wondered who could possibly be better than Abu Salamah, she supplicated:

“inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon; Allahumma ajirni fi musibati wa akhlif li khayran minha”

‘Verily, we belong to Allah and verily, unto Him shall we return. O Allah! Reward me for the calamity that has befallen me and grant me better than it.’

Allah (swt) then answered her du`aa (supplication) by giving her the Messenger ﷺ (peace be upon him) himself! In Shawwal of the same year in which Abu Salamah (ra) returned to Allah (swt), the Messenger of Allah ﷺ married her. Thus, because of her patience and acknowledgement that we belong to Allah (swt) and unto him we return, Allah (swt) compensated her with reward and recompensed her loss. Allah (swt) alleviated her and answered her question, “Who is better than Abu Salamah?” by blessing her with our beloved Messenger ﷺ.

This legacy speaks volumes of the reward and relief Allah (swt) grants to those who are patient, and those who havetawwakul (reliance) on Allah (swt) to replace what is taken away from the believer who lives with patience. What we are provided with is His to give and take, and it is in acknowledging that He is the Owner of all that we are able to see through loss and hardship, and witness blessings.

If you are facing any trial in the present, know that Allah (swt) provides ease and that the cure is with you by Allah’s Will. Reflect on, and realise that none other than Allah (swt) Knows best about what adversity or struggle you are going through for Allah (swt) is the One Who tested you with such, and on no soul does He place more than that which it can bear—Allah (swt) is closer to you than your jugular vein, than your own self, and so He Knows what you are feeling. The next time you are faced with a grief or loss, or even happiness and blessing from Allah (swt), by uttering, comprehending and believing that our final destination is Allah (swt)—the end is essential for our eternal bliss—through making Allah the means to Him, glimpses of light make their way through your feeling of loss.

For each time that you submit to Allah (swt) alone by not only uttering inna lilLahi wa inna ilayhi raji`oon but by understanding it and feeling its essence in your heart and limbs through acknowledging Allah’s Power, you will not only be rewarded insha Allah but Allah (swt) will return His favours and blessings upon you for submitting to His Will with sabr(patience). Like Umm Salamah (ra), place your trust in Him to get you through any manifestation of loss, however slight or major you may consider it to be, and trust Allah (swt) to answer your supplications, for no du`aa is lost.

No distress or loss is too difficult to deal with when we know Allah (swt), and place our trust in Him to get us through everything, whether we consider the moments as good or bad. No distress or loss is too difficult to deal with when we acknowledge and apply that we certainly belong to Allah, and we certainly return to Him.

For more excellent articles please visit:

 http://www.suhaibwebb.com/islam-studies/

 And grieve not over them, and be not distressed because of what they plot.(Quran 16: 127)

 Be not sad, surely Allah is with us. (Quran 9: 40)

 Referring to true believers, Allah informs us that:

Upon such shall come no fear, nor shall they grieve. (Quran 2: 38)

Sadness enervates the souls will to act and paralyzes the body into inactivity. Sadness prevents one from action instead of compelling one towards it. The heart benefits nothing through grief the most beloved thing to the Devil is to make the worshiper sad in order to prevent him from continuing on his path.

Allah, the Exalted, says:

 *Secret counsels [conspiracies] are only from Shaytaan [Satan], in order that he may cause grief to the believers. (Quran 58: 10)

In the following hadith, the Prophet (bpuh) said:

 ”In a company of three, it is forbidden for two to hold secret counsel to the exclusion of the third, since doing so will be a cause of sadness for him.”

 Contrary to what some believe (those who have an extreme ascetic bent); the believer should not seek out sadness, because sadness is a harmful condition that afflicts the soul.The Muslim must repel sadness and fight it in any way that is permissible in our Religion.

 There is no real benefit to sadness; the Prophet (bpuh) sought refuge from it in the following supplication: “O Allah, I seek refuge in you from anxiety and grief.”

Grief is coupled with anxiety in this hadith. The difference between the two is that if a bad feeling is related to what is going to happen in the future. Then one is feeling anxiety. And if the cause of this feeling concerns the past, then one is feeling grief both of them weaken the heart, causing inactivity and a decrease in will power.

 Despite what has been mentioned above, grief may sometimes be both inevitable and necessary. When they enter Paradise, its dwellers will say: All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who has removed from us [all] grief. (Quran 35: 34)

This verse implies that they were afflicted with grief in this life, just as they were afflicted with other forms of hardship, both of which were out of their control. So whenever one is overcome by grief and there is no way to avoid it, one is rewarded, because grief is a form of hardship, and the believer is rewarded for going through hardship. Nonetheless, the believer must ward off grief with supplication and other practical means.

“Whatever befalls the believer in terms of anxiety, hardship or grief, Allah will remove his sin”

It indicates that grief is a trial with which the believer is afflicted, and through which some of his sins are atoned for. However, it does not indicate that grief is something to be sought after; the believer should not seek out means of finding grief, thinking that he is performing an act of worship.

And as for the alleged hadith, “Verily, Allah loves all sad hearts,” the chain of its narrators is unknown, so it is not an authentic hadith, especially in view of the fact that the basic principles of our religion are contrary to it.

 In this verse, Allah says of his Prophet Israaeel (Israel): And he lost his sight because of the sorrow that he was suppressing. (Quran 12: 84)

Here we are informed of his grief over losing his beloved son. Simply informing about something does not in itself signify either approval or disapproval of that thing. The fact is that we have been ordered to seek refuge from sadness, as it is a heavy cloud that hangs above its victim, and is a barrier that prevents one from advancing to higher aims.

There is no doubt that sadness is a trial and a hardship, and is in some ways similar to sickness. However, it is not a stage, level, or condition that the pious should actively seek out.

Filed under: HADITH, Islamic Psychology Tagged: allah, DEPRESSION, emotions, feelings, HADITH, ISLAM, sadness ]]> http://islamzpeace.com/2011/10/28/do-not-be-sad/feed/ 2 Sakina http://islamzpeace.com/2011/10/28/fasting-in-the-first-nine-days-of-dhul-hijjah/ http://islamzpeace.com/2011/10/28/fasting-in-the-first-nine-days-of-dhul-hijjah/#comments Fri, 28 Oct 2011 20:00:50 +0000 SAKINA AND SARA http://islamzpeace.com/?p=2344 ]]> عن هنيدة ابن خالد عن امرأته عن بعض أزواج النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قالت “كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يصوم تسع ذي الحجة ، ويوم عاشوراء ، وثلاثة أيام من كل شهر : أول اثنين من الشهر وخميسين “صحيح أبو داود وصحيح النسائى

Hunaydah ibn Khaalid narrated upon the authority of his wife who said: “Some of the wives of the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam told me that the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam used to fast the Day of 3Aashoorah, the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah, and three days out of every month*….” (1)

(*13th, 14th, and 15th of every month)

Imaam An-Nawwawee said with reference to fasting the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah: “It is extremely preferable to do so”.

Shaykh 3Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy upon him) was asked about fasting the first [nine] days of Dhul-Hijjah?

He replied: “Fasting the first [nine] of Dhul-Hijjah is from the righteous actions without doubt. And the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam said,“There are not any days in which righteous actions are done that are more beloved to Allaah than these ten days.” They said, “Oh Messenger of Allaah, not even jihaad in Allaah’s cause?”

He said: “Not even jihaad in Allaah’s cause,Except for a man who left out with his self and his wealth, and he did not return with either.”

So fasting is included in the general context of this hadeeth. And there appears a hadeeth stating that the Messenger of Allaah sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam used to fast the first ten of Dhul-Hijjah, not counting the 3Eed [in other words, the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah].

And Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal rahimahullaah takes this position and it is authentic.Fasting in the first ten [of Dhul-Hijjah, excluding the 3Eed] is sunnah. Yes.”

Shaykh Salih Al-Munajjid says: “It is Sunnah for the Muslim to fast on the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah, because the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam encouraged us to do righteous deeds in the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, and fasting is one of the best of deeds, which Allaah has chosen for Himself as it says in the hadeeth qudsee: “Allaah says: ‘All the deeds of the son of Adam are for him, except fasting, which is for Me and I shall reward for it.” ( 2) (3)

Making up Missed Ramadaan Fasts & 10 Days of Dhul-Hijjah:

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-3Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about combining making up a missed obligation and doing something that is mustahabb (such as fasting the day 3Aashoora’ which coincides with making up a missed Ramadaan fast)?

He replied: “With regard to obligatory and voluntary fasts, what is prescribed in sharee3ah and what makes sense is to start with the obligatory fasts and then do the naafil ones, because the obligatory fast is a debt which must be paid. But if a person observes a voluntary fast before making up what he owes then the correct view is that his voluntary fast is valid so long as there is still enough time to make up the missed fasts, because a person may make up missed Ramadaan fasts so long as there is still enough time for him to do so before the next Ramadaan comes.

But if he has the intention of fasting this day to make up for a missed Ramadaan fast, he will have two rewards – one for the day of 3Arafah or 3Ashoora’ and another for making up the missed fast. (4)

References:

(1) Ahmad, An-Nasaa’ee

(2) Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1805.

(3) http://islamqa.com/en/ref/49042

(4) Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn 3Uthaymeen, 20/438

[http://islamqa.com/en/ref/41901]

This has got to be one of the cutest videos I have seen in a while.  ”Its complicated”

Every once in a while I come accross an article which really strikes me and leaves a strong impression.. This one did… maybe because my household really needs this information and to IMPLEMENT IT not just understand its value.  I hope that this will help many other people as well, and in the end it will not only make life more productive, but easier, healthier and happier for all.  Time is a thing that once gone cannot come back so we need to make the best use of what God gave us. 

Many people who struggle with waking up early, realize that how and when they slept the night before has an impact on their morning routines the next day. This is why we advocate the importance of not just a morning routine, but a productive night routine as well! The sleep routine is derived from the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) and what he used to do before he sleeps (Peace be upon him). Check out the sleep routine here: http://bit.ly/sle-ep

Given that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) was THE most productive man that ever lived, I think emulating him and his habits day and night would go a long way to helping us become more productive inshaAllah!

Image via Wikipedia

 My name is Cassie, I am 23 years old. I graduated as a qualified nurse this year and was given my first position as a home nurse.

 My patient was an English gentleman in his early 80′s who suffered from Alzheimer’s. In the first meeting  with the patient  I was given his record and from it could see that he was a convert to the religion of Islam, therefore he was a Muslim.

I knew from this that I would need to take into account some modes of treatment that may go against his faith, and therefore tried to adapt my care to meet his needs. I brought in some ‘halal’ meat to cook for him and ensured that there was no pork or alcohol in the premises as I did some research which showed that these were forbidden in Islam.

My patient was in a very advanced stage of his condition so a lot of my colleagues could not understand why I was going to so much effort for him, but I understood that a person who commits to a faith deserves that commitment to be respected, even if they are not in a position to understand.

Anyway, after a few weeks with my patient I began to notice some patterns of movement. At first I thought it was some copied motion he’s seen someone do, but I saw him repeat the movement at particular times; morning, afternoon, evening.

The movements were to raise his hands, bow and then put his head to the ground. I could not understand it. He was also repeating sentences in another language, I couldn’t figure out what language it was as his speech was slurred but I know the same verses were repeated daily. Also there was something strange, he didnt allow me to feed him with my left hand {I am lefthanded}.

Somehow I knew this linked to his religion but didn’t know how.

One of my colleagues told me about paltalk as a place for debates and discussions and as I did not know any Muslims except for my patient I thought it would be good to speak to someone and ask questions. I went on the Islam section and entered the room ‘True Message.  Here I asked questiones regarding the repeated movements and was told that these were the actions of prayer; I did not really believe it until someone posted a link of the Islamic prayer on youtube. I was shocked.

A man who has lost all memory of his children, of his occupation, and could barely eat and drink was able to remember not only actions of prayer but verses that were in another language.

This was nothing short of incredible and I knew that this man was devout in his faith, which made me want to learn more in order to care for him the best I could.

I came into the paltalk room as often as I could and was given a link to read the translation of the Quran and listen to it. The chapter of the ‘Bee’ gave me chills and I repeated it several times a day. I saved a recording of the Quran on my iPod and gave it to my patient to listen to, he was smiling and crying, and in reading the translation I could see why. I applied what I gained from paltalk to my care for my patient but gradually found myself coming to the room to find answers for myself.

I never really took the time to look at my life; I never knew my father, my mother died when I was 3, me and my brother were raised by our grandparents who died 4 years ago, so now it’s just the two of us.

But despite all this loss, I always thought I was happy; content.

It was only after spending time with my patient that felt like I was missing something. I was missing that sense of peace and tranquility my patient, even through suffering, felt. I wanted that sense of belonging and a part of something that he felt, even with no one around him. I was given a list of mosques in my area by a lady on paltalk and went down to visit one. I watched the prayer and could not hold back my tears. I felt drawn to the mosque every day and the imam and his wife would give me books and tapes and welcome any questions I had. Every question I asked at the mosque and on paltalk was answered with such clarity and depth that could do nothing but accept them. I have never practiced a faith but always believed that there was a God; I just did not know how to worship Him.

One evening I came on paltalk and one of the speakers on the mic addressed me. He asked me if I had any questions, I said no. He asked if I was happy with the answers I was given, I said yes. He asked then what was stopping me accepting Islam, I could not answer. I went to the mosque to watch the dawn prayer and the imam asked me the same question, I could not answer. I then went to tend to my patient.  As I was feeding him and as I looked in his eyes I realized– he was brought to me for a reason and the only thing stopping me from accepting was fear…. not fear in the sense of something bad, but fear of accepting something good, and thinking that I was not worthy like this man.

That afternoon I went to the mosque and asked the imam if I could say my declaration of faith, the Shahadah.

He helped me through it was I was shown how to pray and guided through what I would need to do next.

I cannot explain the feeling I felt when I said it. It was like someone woke me up from sleep and sees everything more clearly. The feeling was overwhelming joy, clarity and most of all…. peace.

The first person I told was not my brother but my patient. I went to him, and before I even opened my mouth he cried and smiled at me. I broke down in front of him, I owed him so much. I came home logged on to paltalk and repeated the shahadah for the room. They all helped me so much and even though I had never seen a single one of them, they felt closer to me then my own brother.

I did eventually call my brother to tell him and although he was wasn’t happy, he supported me and said he would be there; I couldn’t ask for any more.

After my first week as a Muslim my patient passed away in his sleep while I was caring for him. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajayoon. He died a peaceful death and I was the only person with him. He was like the father I never had and he was my doorway to Islam.

From the day of my Shahadah to this very day and for every day for as long as I live, I will pray that Allah shows mercy on him and grant him every good deed I perform in the tenfold.

I loved him for the sake of Allah and I pray each night to become an atoms weight of the Muslim he was.

Islam is a religion with an open door; it is there for those who want to enter it…. Verily Allah is the Most Merciful, Most Kind.

* Note * Our sister Cassie passed away October 2010 Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajayoon, after she gave dawa to her brother, who had accepted Islam

Elhamdulileh.

May Allah swt grant sister Cassie Paradise Ameen Ya Rabb!

“When you sit with People of the Dunya (This World), you become a drop in their ocean, but when you sit with People of the Akhira (The Hereafter), the dunya becomes a drop in your ocean.”

Wassalaam

Subhanallah I just got an email with this link at this time of the morning and the 10 min and 39 secs had a profound impact on me. We should keep this video and review it every so often (perhaps even weekly or monthly) to remind us what and where our ultimate destination will be. It is a good video for us ladies as we do not visit the graves!

I have been so busy purchasing household items at the moment and trying to make my villa “cozy”. We have been living in an empty shell for two and half years with bear minimum: enough to keep us going, not enough to have that cozy feeling though. I am nesting, but my main intention is to ensure that when my family visit (when the baby arrives insha’allah) they are comfortable in my home and will leave with a feeling of not wishing to.

I (cannot speak for you all) do forget in the normal hum drum of life the things I should be really preparing for. My ultimate permanent abode: I lack in this in so many ways. This video has come on a day when I had to witness so much fitnah on national day riding through Riyadh tonight (may Allah guide all the people I saw today). The music and dancing etc was just so alien to me now that I have moved away from the UK, but I really found the whole scene intrusive and got a little angry that my children had to witness it! May Allah protect us and our children.

This video will definitively move you.

I pray that you all use your time and energies to accumulate the good deeds, may Allah accept your deeds, may you do them for His sake only, may you reap the rewards, may He expand your graves until you all rise to meet your Creator. May we help each other as sisters in Islam to remind each other, help each other, guide each other to our Creator and insha’Allah Jannah Firdaws. Ameen

Pass this link on to those you know…….it is a great reminder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDlvrYMBq0k&sns=em

Love you all

Fei Amaan Allah (always and forever)

Abidah

Subhanallah what an amazing video and a great reminder of our final home!  We are living in this life, running after worldly goods, worried about things and problems that really do not deserve our worry and attention .  Let us focus on the hear-after where only our deeds will follow us.  May Allah forgive our sins, strengthen us, guide us to do good and to repent to him before its too late.  Its a reminder that non of us knows when we will die and we go through life thinking that tomorrow will come while we have not prepared ourselves to meet our creator.  Tomorrow might come today.

A Sermon by Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (radi Allahu anhu) on Sincerity and drawing Lessons

Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (radi Allahu anhu) gave a speech once and started it with praising Allah and thanking Him, then said:

“Verily, Allah does not accept deeds except those which were performed for the Sake of His Face only. Therefore, seek Allah’s Face by your actions. Know that whatever action you do with sincerity to Allah is an act of obedience that you performed, a good share that you earned, a duty that you fulfilled, and a reserve that you keep from perishable days to everlasting days. At that time you will be most in need and in anticipation (for these good deeds).”

 O slaves of Allah! Draw a lesson from those who died before you. Think about those who lived before you. Where were they yesterday? Where are they today? Where are the tyrants who were noted for the wars they waged and earned victories in battle? Time has eliminated them and they disintegrated to dust. The only things that remain from them are their evil statements, and verily, evil statements are for evil people and evil people are for evil statements. Where are the kings who ruled on the earth and inhabited it? They have become a thing of the past and their memory has been forgotten. They have become nothing. Yet, Allah, the Exalted and Most Honored, has kept for them the evil burden of their deeds, but ended their streak of lusts. They perished, but the deeds they committed remained theirs even though the world has become for others. We were created after them, so if we draw lessons from their fate we will attain deliverance. Otherwise, if we were deceived by all of this, we will earn a fate similar to theirs.

 There are the bright faces of those who were deceived on account of their youth? They have turned into dust, but what they committed of shortcomings remained with them as cause for sorrow. Where are those who built cities, fortified them with walls and collected wonders? They left all this for those who came after them; there you see the remains of their cities, they have not been inhabited after them. Meanwhile, they are in the darkness of graves: {“Can you find a single one of them or hear even a whisper of them?”} (19:98)

Where are those whom you knew among your forefathers and brethren? Their lifetimes came to an end and they joined their deeds and actions. They are residing after they died either in the dwelling of happiness or misery.”

 “Verily, Allah is One and has no partners in worship. There is no tie of kinship between Him and any of His creation that warrants granting goodness or fending off evil on account of that kinship. There is only the obedience of Allah and abiding by His Commandments. Know that you are subservient slaves (of Allah) and that what He has can only be earned through obeying Him. Is it not time for one of you that the Fire be taken away from him, while Paradise is not made far from his reach?”

[Al-Bidayah wan-Nihayah, by Al-Hafiz Ibn Kathir, and At-Tarikh, by At-Tabari, vol. 3, p. 311]

Image via Wikipedia

Praise be to Allaah.

 In al-Saheehayn it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:

La ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem (there is no god except Allaah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne).”

 And it was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:

“Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

 And it was reported that Asmaa’ bint ‘Umays (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Shall I not teach you some words to say when you feel distressed? ‘Allaah, Allaah, Rabbee laa ushriku bihi shay’an (Allaah, Allaah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him).’”

 It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

 ”Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’

 - but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.”

Al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, edited by Shaykh al-Albaani, p. 72

Another dua that I have found to really ease the stress and emotional pain is this one which a sheikh taught me:  Allahuma rehmataka ‘arjoo fala takilnee ‘ila nafsee tarfata ainin, wa aslihlee shan’nee kuliahu, la ilaha illa anta (oh Allah it is your mercy that i HOPE FOR so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshiped except you).

More dua can also be found at this link:

‘O Allaah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make difficulty, if You wish, easy.’

From: Daily Qur’anic Verses by Toufique H. Sumon

قيام الليل ::وقته من بعد العشاء حتى اذان الفجر…والافضل الثلث الاخير من الليل

Salatul layl -Night Prayer

TIME (WAQT) The time for praying Salatul-Layl is after Isha prayers but it is better to pray during the last part of the night near to the time of Fajr prayers

جدد نيتك …وكبر تكبيرة الاحرام

Make Niyyah and say Takbiratul Ihram.

صلاة قيام الليل…تكون حتى 11 ركعة

Salatul-Layl is made “up of eleven Rak’ats.”

تستطيع ان تقرأ اى سورة

You may recite any SURAH

تستطيع ان تدعو باى دعاء فى الركوع والسجود

ALSO You may recite any Dua in Ruq’u and sojood

I am a Muslim !

Image via Wikipedia

Many of us learned how to pray on our own through books, others by practicing knowledgeable Muslims, and others from believers who themselves know or understand little about Islam.  In all cases, learning new points, or refreshing our information only serves to increase our deen and our iman.  Please watch this short video to gain more knowledge of how prayer can be complete and satisfying not only to Allah but also for ourselves.

Please follow this link:  http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=207814715897561

“Because I need to” she said.

“I don’t understand,” he said.

His mother just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,” his dad answered carelessly.

The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar). “He surely knows the answer”, he thought.

“Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so easily?”

The Shaikh answered:

“When Allah made the woman she had to be special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

He gave an inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

He gave her a toughness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her badly.

He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And lastly, He gave her a tear. This is hers and only hers exclusively to use whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, it’s hers.

You see my son, the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.”

Originally published at fathimaonline.wordpress.com

Why is Islamic Way of Slaughtering Brutal ?

Research: Islamic Slaughtering and Western method of Slaughtering

Let’s begin with a small introduction with the term HALAAL

What is Halaal ( هلال )?

Halal is an Arabic word meaning lawful or permitted. The opposite of halal is HARAAM (حرام ), which means unlawful or prohibited. Halal and haram are universal terms that apply to all facets of life. However, we will use these terms only in relation to food products, meat products, cosmetics, personal care products, pharmaceuticals, food ingredients, and food contact materials.

While many things are clearly halal or haram, there are some things which are not clear. Further information is needed to categorize them as halal or haram. Such items are often referred to as mashbooh, which means doubtful or questionable.

All foods are considered halal except the following (which are haram):

Swine/Pork and its by-products – Read more on WHY PORK IS PROHIBITED

Animals improperly slaughtered or dead before slaughtering

Alcoholic drinks and intoxicants

Carnivorous animals, birds of prey and certain other animals

Foods contaminated with any of the above products

Foods containing ingredients such as gelatin, enzymes, emulsifiers, and flavors are questionable (mashbooh), because the origin of these ingredients is not known.

Ref: Islamic Food and National Council of America

In this video: In Islam, a set of dietary regulations determines what you can eat. Here’s how to serve up a meal according to the basic rules.

Let’s now move into the topic

The Islamic practice of slaughtering animals by means of a sharp cut to the front of the neck has frequently come under attack by some animal rights activists as being a form of animal cruelty, the claim being that it is a painful inhumane method of killing animals. In the West, it is required by law to stun the animals with a shot to the head before the slaughter, supposedly to render the animal unconscious and to prevent it from reviving before it is killed so as not to slow down the movement of the processing line. It is also used to prevent the animal from feeling pain before it dies.

German Research Studies Pain

It therefore may come as a surprise to those who have made such acclimations to learn of the results of a study carried out by Professor Wilhelm Schulze and his colleague Dr. Hazim at the School of Veterinary Medicine, Hannover University in Germany. The study: ‘Attempts to Objectify Pain and Consciousness in Conventional (captive bolt pistol stunning) and Ritual (halal, knife) Methods of Slaughtering Sheep and Calves’ concludes that Islamic slaughtering is the most humane method of slaughter and that captive bolt stunning, practiced in the West, causes severe pain to the animal.

In the study, several electrodes were surgically implanted at various points of the skull of all animals, touching the surface of the brain. The animals were allowed to recover for several weeks. Some animals were then slaughtered by making a swift, deep incision with a sharp knife on the neck cutting the jugular veins and the carotid arteries as well as the trachea and esophagus (Islamic method). Other animals were stunned using a Captive Bolt Pistol (CBP). During the experiment, an electroencephalograph (EEG) and an electrocardiogram (ECG) recorded the condition of the brain and the heart of all animals during the course of slaughter and stunning.

The results were as follows:

I – Islamic Method

1. The first three seconds from the time of Islamic slaughter as recorded on the EEG did not show any change from the graph before slaughter, thus indicating that the animal did not feel any pain during or immediately after the incision.

2. For the following 3 seconds, the EEG recorded a condition of deep sleep – unconsciousness. This is due to the large quantity of blood gushing out from the body.

3. After the above-mentioned 6 seconds, the EEG recorded zero level, showing no feeling of pain at all.

4. As the brain message (EEG) dropped to zero level, the heart was still pounding and the body convulsing vigorously (a reflex action of the spinal cord) driving a maximum amount of blood from the body thus resulting in hygienic meat for the consumer.

What I found interesting is that he is making a point which many may not understand— because the Christians to NOT have a unified book which ALL agree upon,, there is no way that they can rewrite from memory if all the bibles were thrown away.  But because there is only ONE version of ARABIC Quran, and thousands have memorized from the first letter to the last, they would be able to rewrite it and have others check and verify its correctness.  This procedure actually still occurs when a new print is made: the raw print is read by scholars to check for typing mistakes, deletions, or additions.  Only once it has been verified can the press go ahead and make the final print out.

“Hold on a minute,” the scholar replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right,” the scholar continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”

“All right,” said the scholar. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?” “No, on the contrary……”

“So,” the scholar continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded the scholar, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

“O ye who believe! Let not some men among you laugh at others: It may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): Nor let some women laugh at others: It may be that the (latter are better than the (former): Nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames: Ill-seeming is a name connoting wickedness, (to be used of one) after he has believed: And those who do not desist are (indeed) doing wrong.” [Surah al-Hujurat 49.012]

Extracted from the YoungMuslims.ca Newsletter.

Story of Wanda and how she became a Muslim – very inspiring for all.

I was raised in a Christian environment, but from about the age of 7 or 8 I openly refused to accept the idea that God and Christ were one in the same–nor did I accept the trinity.

There were six children and my parents. No one else thought as I did, so you can imagine how very interesting “Bible Study” got at home. My mother was so shocked by my steadfastness, but nothing she said could change my mind. As shy as I was, I stood my ground and refused to accept my families’ beliefs. For whatever reason, I simply could not accept the Christian concepts to the point I got nothing out of the studies.

When I was fourteen, I decided I wanted to search for what I could not find in Christianity. I was literally starving spiritually for something I had no name for, but felt it existed somewhere.

I visited other religions–studied with some of them, but there was always that point where I was aware they were not for me. I just about visited every church/religion you could think of and they all fell short of the concept I had in my mind and heart for My true religion. The one religion I kept searching for was that which I could serve with all my heart and soul totally, fully, truly and uncondionally beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I was an oddball among my family and my peers. All during my childhood strange things happened to me that could not be explained by ordinary standards. I stood out like a sore thumb. I stopped going to church except for special family funcions and funerals. I prayed to God often, and tried to live my life each day to the best of my abilities with God’s guidance. I prayed to God to show me where I belonged. I asked Him where did I belong? I prayed for years and years, and would you believe I finally got my answer? Almost 4 years ago, I got an unsolicited letter out of the blue from a man who got my name from a penpal list sent to him by his sister-in-law.

I answered his first letter and from then on, it all was very interesting. I could read from the flavor of his letters that he was Muslim; he acknowledged this fact. I noticed his beliefs were a lot like my own and over time,he told me that without knowing it,I basically lived my life as a believer. We had so much in common when it came to serving God.

He sent me literature. The first piece of literature was so very beautiful, I could hardly stand the overwhelming emotion that came forth as I read it. It touched me to the point that I could not hold back my tears. I was so shaken by it; I have no words to explain what was in my heart at that time. I thorouhly studied all the literature sent thereafter, and it had the same emotional affect upon me.

There came a point in my studies where I hungered to know more and more, so I bought my own Holy Quran. I needed to read this Book from whence all this beauty and truth flowed. I have never been able to simply take someone’s word for anything. Religion is definitely not something to embark upon with “blind” faith; I have always felt the need to seek truth and knowledge for myself.

The first day I got the Holy Quran [English translaton], I read the opening, Al-Fatihah. It was short, but so very beautiful and so powerful!!! That year I read the entire Holy Quran. I learned the Five Pillars of Islam and the Six Articles of Faith.

At the age of 45, Allah finally told me where I belonged. I accepted Islam openly and fully. That which I sought, but had not the name of, was in fact Islam. I eagerly embraced it fully and as natural as the air I am blessed to breathe each day I wake. My soul was starving for Islam, and my heart yearned for it. Islam has never felt like a stranger to me. By the Grace, Love and Mercy of Allah, I AM HOME!!!! AMEEN!

As far as I know, I am the first in my generational family line to become Muslim. Needless to say, my family members were not happy campers! It was like a single republican [me] being in the midst of generations of democrats! All praise be to Allah, One of my two sons embraced Islam a year later.

In closing, I would like to include a part of something I wrote to a friend who recently apologized for some very harsh/bitter things he said with regard to Muslims/Islam as a result of the 9-11-01 bombings in the U.S. These words sum up all that I feel for Islam:

“I embraced Islam because I have basically lived my life in this manner anyway–all my life. It seemed so natural and befitting to embrace Islam, and so I did. It has wrapped itself around me like a cloak of warmth, honor and protection. I try to wear this “cloak” each day to the best of my abilities–I want to make it even stronger, for in doing so, I come closer to becoming what God has ordained for me to become. Whatever, that is, I know it is a good thing. God only has goodness and is goodness.”

This is my story of How I entered into Islam. This story has no ending. It begins again each time I wake and will not end until Allah calls me back to him. In the meantime, I will strive to work very hard at sending good things ahead of me!

NICOLAS Sarkozy’s campaign to ban the Muslim face veil and other religious garments to feather the bed for his bid to be reelected to France’s highest political office has been deemed among high ranking members of the French political system as hypocritical to the country’s long held position of religious tolerance. He claimed that Muslim women who wear such garments are too ‘ostentatious’ and ‘provocative’ which he claims undermines French nationalism.

The transparency of Sarkozy’s rhetoric although seen as an obvious ploy among rival political factions to garnish support from the country’s growing anti-immigrant movement, his opponents were unsuccessful in mounting a defense against it. Though internationally condemned as racist (even Obama had to show a little grit and come out in principle against it), Sarkozy continues to defend his position by calling the veil blatant subjugation of women by Muslim men.

Well Sarkozy got his way – the veil, the niqab, was banned.

I followed this saga with interest. I was surprised that a country with 10 million Muslims managed to lay down for the old back door without too much fuss—particularly in France, the birthplace of democracy and where the term ‘feminist’ was coined. I suppose everybody’s got a plan.

Women in the West have only had rights for a 100 years thanks to the advocacy of feminism. Muslim women have been able to vote, own land and run their own businesses for about a little over 1400 years.

Before you can understand the full irony of the situation, I must explain how I came to know about Feminism. Let me start with a little tale called Becky’s Slap.

* * * * * * *

Becky’s Slap

Being an adolescent in the 1960’s and 70’s was a pretty exciting experience in the United States. America was going through ideological growing pains: redefining and re-assessing its values in its social and political arenas. Everyone was talking about drugs, concerts and liberation.

I was about 15 amidst all of this when I met my first feminist—a perky white girl name Becky, a college student who volunteered to work in ghetto (today known as the ‘hood’). She had big blue eyes, long brown hair and wore ‘daisy dukes’. She smelled like honeysuckles. Being at the height of discovering what a man was, my raging hormones and me welcomed her unsolicited conversation with intense attention.

“Leroy,” she said, “do you know what sexism is?”

Not knowing what it meant, I was hopeful it was close to what I thought it was. Before I could share those thoughts, she continued.

“It is the exploitation of women by men,” Becky said as serious as her Minnie mouse like voice would allow. ‘Exploitation’ was also a new word to me and seemed reminiscent of ’expose,’ a word my little ghetto mind did recognize. She reached in her blue jean satchel and pulled out some fashion magazines. During those days, they were thick like dictionaries due to the ads.

“Look at this!” she commanded me, flipping the pages. She was starting to sound a little ticked off. “These women are being used and are brainwashing other women to believe in their own inferiority,” she declared.

There were a bunch of words that hovered incomprehensively above any attempt I made to decipher their meaning. Whatever they meant, somehow, it seemed the situation wasn’t going the way I had hoped.

Maybe this was what happened before the “sexism” and “exploitation” I thought.

“Look at these women,” she said with great offense; “their faces covered with paint to sell more paint and clothes…and even cars!”, she said, slamming her hand down at the open book.

I politely smiled and touched her knee cap—which, frankly, took a lot of courage on my part. It also brought an abrupt end to my initial encounter with the feminist movement with a slap that seemed so hard I was sure my mother felt it. Becky must have been quite a field hockey player in high school.

Later, when I got older, it appeared feminism (as popularly practiced) was a way for women to assert their right to equality in every way to men while still claiming the option of all the perks of being ‘a woman’ (i.e.: cashless dates, gratuitous gifts, and the luxury of being emotionally non-committal in most situations).

I later found as I began to study philosophy in college, feminism was a doctrine of equality of the sexes that, in theory (the gist of which), saw society as an egalitarian (a non-violent) association of men and women who have equal rights in all facets of living. Its only flaw (in its present day permutation) was, in practice, it ignored the physical and psychological differences between men and women.

As the ideas of feminism became more accepted as principles for men and women to view each other, men being attracted to women under non-social circumstances for a while was considered almost a criminal offence—if not deviant behavior. It got to the point where opportunistic women could wear the most revealing outfits in public and if a man accosted her, she could have him arrested for harassment.

It also became a vehicle for not only women to assert their claim to equality to men, but also anyone and everyone who had any type of predilection regardless how far removed from normal sexual human behavior it was to do so (see what happens when they take Allah out of the equation).

Historically, when things began to open up for economically for women, the focus of the movement shifted to gay rights.

Although I was non-Muslim and truly more than a stone’s throw from guidance, this still seemed to me a little ‘off.’

Intellectually, I believe feminism and its egalitarian organization principals had its place (it was a perfect construct for small family businesses and social service organizations), but outside of that, in the world we currently lived, it had no global application.

So I thought.

Becky’s Painful Point

Somehow, over the course of the intervening years since Becky’s slap, the movement seemed to lose the focus it had in the 60’s and 70’s (considered ‘the second wave’ whose focus was to free women from what was thought to be the psychological oppression of a male-dominated society). Although there seemed no real resolution in American society for this other than putting women in overalls and letting them use jack hammers and drive big rigs, Europeans appeared to have a more realistic take on it.

Becky’s fervor as a crusader for this injustice was in response to what was obvious—and she was right, women were the manikins of our commercial society. Some social theorists believe that the women’s suffrage movement (which coincides with the industrial revolution) was created to get women out of the house with their own money to increase the demand for manufactured goods. Prior to suffrage, men were the primary wage earners and controlled household or family spending. Every retailer knows that women are impulse buyers and represent 80% of the spending public.

Most women who buy magazines like Vogue see them as a magic mirror of their own exploitation, which tells (with every issue) how they should spend most of their time, wealth and energy. The relentless ads and media around these poor women keeps them mentally and psychologically symbiotic to the supply and demand system created to perpetuate the buying and selling of goods.

This psychological manipulation is known as ‘conditioned response’. (It was the scientific argument that was used to argue the US Supreme court case, Brown vs. the Board of Education which made racial segregation unlawful in American schools. It made the case that blacks were being ‘conditioned’ to believe in their own inferiority.)

The real product was sexuality and with it they sold themselves and their daughters to the form the seasonal ritual to buy cosmetics, clothes and status goods.

Meanwhile, men are also sold similar goods for the same reason, to attract and obtain the adulations (and sex) from the opposite sex. In the West, even the poor people buy clothing every season of ever year—not because the clothing is worn out but because, regardless of the condition of the garment, fashion requires it. Cars, houses, and position are all part of this cyclic pursuit of the opposite sex. It has become an addiction, a neurosis in the truest sense of the word in that it never satisfies any need but maintains a cycle of dependency.

In the West, it has perverted behavior and destroyed the concept of family and normal sexual relationships as well as increased the crime rate to epidemic proportions. Sex has become not only the cause of the ills of western society, but the number one means of oppression.

Islam is a threat to the West not because it has veiled women running around with concealed bombs, but because it takes women (and as an indirect result, men) out of this lucrative cycle of western psychological exploitation. Since she is not buying to attract men (or compete with other women), she no longer needs to buy most things fashion magazines attempt to sell women. Veils, Burqahs and over garments pretty much eliminate the need to buy seasonally—since the design and purpose of the woman’s garment minimize attention and evades fashion. Without the provoked psychosocial frenzy instigated by media advertisements, the sexual tension that underlines the high crime statistics in the West will cease to be a contentious cause of human aggression. In contrast to the West, and in no small part due to the veil, societies like Saudi Arabia have crime rates that are, across the board, the lowest in the world.

Muslim women also are identified as ‘virtuous’ due to the design of their clothes for centuries. This shouldn’t be too strange for even the Christians in France, England and most European countries. Their women of virtue (nuns) used to wear almost the same identical outfits.

Rather than redefining gender and have women in roles unsuited for them, Islam delegates rights and responsibilities that match their mental and physical makeup in a realistic view of their sexual chemistry while still maintaining their human rights and equality to men. Islam is, and has always been, the answer the feminists were looking for.

Lastly, the Muslim woman wheels a power in Islamic society unfathomed by even herself, I suppose mostly because its means is seldom brought to her attention. You see, in a Muslim family it is mandatory that boys and girls (men and women) to obey their parents in anything that is lawful under Islam. Even though, under Islamic values believing women must obey their believing husbands, mothers have three times the right over their children than fathers. Every man has a mother—even the ruler.

Do the math: women rule.

Watch your back Sarkozy. When French women find out that you were instrumental in enabling their continued exploitation, the ‘perms’ could hit the fan.

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For this article and others please visit http://www.saudilife.net/life-and-society/115-muslim-world/13033-how-the-veil-protects-society-from-sexual-and-financial-exploitation

From Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, who said: “Whoever reads Soorat al-Kahf on the night of Jumu’ah, will have a light that will stretch between him and the Ancient House (the Ka’bah).”
(Narrated by al-Daarimi, 3407. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami, 6471)

Article written by Muhammad Alshareef.

Ashaab As-Sabt – the people of Saturday. They were a townsfolk from Bani Israel who were tested with the Sabbath, the day when they were to leave their worldly affairs and be devout to Allah. All week long they would go fishing with scant return. But on Saturdays, when they were required to put aside their activities, the fish would come in abundance. A test from Allah!

“Ask them (O Muhammad) concerning the town standing close by the sea. Behold! they transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath (i.e. Saturday). For on the day of their Sabbath their fish did come to them, openly holding up their heads, but on the day they had no Sabbath, they came not: thus did We make a trial of them, for they were given to transgression.” (Surah Al Araf 7:163)

A group of the townsfolk transgressed, not satisfied with Allahs commandments devising a scheme to by-pass the commandment. They would put out their fishing nets on Friday, and then on Sunday they would come and pick the nets up. Now all the Saturday fish would be caught.

The townsfolk divided into 2 groups when they saw the grave evil and sin that was befalling. The first group tried to advise the transgressors and warn them of the horrific consequences of their action – commanding the good and forbidding the evil.

Thinking they had no responsibility for what was taking place, the other group just went about minding their own business, holding that Allah would eventually destroy the sinners.

And when a community among them said, “Why do you preach to a people whom Allah is about to destroy or to punish with a severe torment?”

Listen carefully to the reply of the first group.

“When some of them said: “Why do you preach to a people whom Allah will destroy or visit with a terrible punishment?”- said the preachers: “To discharge our duty to your Lord, and perchance they may fear Him.”" (Surah Al Araf 7:164)

So the first group spoke out against the disobedience that was taking place for two reasons: One, so that they would be pardoned before Allah because they tried to hold back the transgressors. And two, so that perhaps the transgressors may hear the reminder and turn back to Allah. It was only this group that survived.

“When they disregarded the warnings that had been given them, We rescued those who forbade Evil; but We visited the wrong-doers with a grievous punishment because they were given to transgression. When in their insolence they transgressed (all) prohibitions, We said to them: “Be ye apes, despised and rejected.”" (Surah Al Araf 7:165-166)

In one sweeping night, the punishment rained down and they were transfigured into pigs and monkeys.

Dear brothers and sisters, it is the nature of a human being to feel the need to do good or feel the drive to indulge in evil. Even if we were to be alone, deserted and secluded, we would still feel a drive to do good or indulge in evil.

But as for our ummah, it should of our characteristic to only do good. And we should not only do good ourselves, but we must encourage others to do good; we must be the driving force. And we should not only distance ourselves from vice, but we must forbid others from doing it also, we must be the obstacle.

Dear brothers and sisters, if we all had Muslim identification badges, and the badge was valid, the description that would go on the badge would read: This man/woman commands the good and forbids evil, for this is how Allah described us.

“Ye (true believers in Islam) are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah…” (Surah Ali Imran 3:110)

Good and evil. When it comes to encouraging one or the other, there are two groups of people. The first are those who encourage others to do good and advise them to stop the evil they may be committing. These are the muminoon and muminaat, the believing men and women, the ones that shall be favored by Allah’s Mercy:

“The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just (al-maruf), and forbid what is evil (al-munkar): they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Apostle. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” (Surah Al Tawbah 9:71)

The second group of people are those who encourage others towards evil and stop them whenever they see them doing acts of virtue. These are the munaafiqoon and munaafiqaat, the hypocrite men and women who Allah shall shun.

“The Hypocrites, men and women, (have an understanding) with each other : They enjoin evil (al-munkar), and forbid what is just (al-maruf), and are close with their hands. They have forgotten Allah; so He hath forgotten them. Verily the Hypocrites are rebellious and perverse.” (Surah Al Tawbah 9:67)

The Quran tells us that the winners, those that attain success, are those Muslim men and women who command the good and forbid the evil. And Allah teaches us that He cursed nations before us because they lost this characteristic of encouraging good and forbidding evil:

“Curses were pronounced on those among the Children of Israel who rejected Faith, by the tongue of David and of Jesus the son of Mary: because they disobeyed and persisted in excesses. Nor did they (usually) forbid one another the iniquities which they committed: evil indeed were the deeds which they did.” (Surah Al Maidah 5:78-79)

When a nation fails in their duty to command the good and forbid the evil, their invocations will cease to be accepted. Rasul Allah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

“(I swear) by He who holds my soul in His Hands, you shall indeed command the good, and you shall indeed forbid the evil, otherwise Allah shall rain down upon you a punishment. Then you shall attempt to invoke Him and your (invocations) shall be unanswered” (An authentic hadith narrated by Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)

Our Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam, lived his entire life commanding the good and forbidding evil. Abdullah ibn Salam narrates the scene of when he, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, first arrived in Madinah and the very first words he said to the Ansar and Muhaajireen as they gathered to see his noble face sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam:

“When Rasul Allah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam came to Madinah, the people raced to greet him. I went in the crowd to see him and when I saw his face I knew that that face was not the face of a liar. The first thing he said when he spoke was, O people, spread salam, feed the hungry, and pray at night when others are sleeping – you will enter Jannah in peace’” (An authentic hadith narrated by Ibn Majah)

Our Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam would command the good and forbid the evil in all categories of the community. We see him with the young Muslims advising them, as in the following hadith where Umar bin Abu Salama said,

“I was a boy under the care of Allahs Apostle and my hand used to go around the dish while I was eating.

So Allahs Apostle said to me, O boy! Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the dish what is nearer to you.” Since then I have applied those instructions when eating.’” (Sahih Muslim, Book #65, Hadith #288)

And our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam would encourage good amongst the Muslim women.

 As Zainab, the wife of Abdullah (b. Masud) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: “0 women, give sadaqa even though it be some of your jewellery.” (Sahih Bukhari, Book #005, Hadith #2188)

Even if it came to his own wives, our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam would forbid.

Aisha radi Allahu anha herself narrates that she once said to him, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, “Watch out for Safiyyah!” Meaning that she was short.

So Allahs Messenger sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “You said a word that if it were to be mixed with (all) the water of the sea it would overcome (the water)”

Aisha said that after that that she would never have loved to mention someone (in a manner that they would dislike) no matter what anyone would give her. (Narrated by Abu Dawood)

This is what the deen is all about – encouraging the good and forbidding the evil. This is what the early Muslims pledged allegiance to.

Ubada bin as-samit radi Allahu anhu narrated: “Allahs Apostle said to us while we were in a gathering,

“Give me the oath (Pledge of allegiance for):

(1) Not to join anything in worship along with Allah,

(2) Not to steal,

(3) Not to commit illegal sexual intercourse,

(4) Not to kill your children,

(5) Not to accuse an innocent person (to spread such an accusation among people),

(6) Not to be disobedient (when ordered) to do good deeds.”

The Prophet added: “Whoever amongst you fulfill his pledge, his reward will be with Allah, and whoever commits any of those sins and receives the legal punishment in this world for that sin, then that punishment will be an expiation for that sin, and whoever commits any of those sins and Allah does not expose him, then it is up to Allah if He wishes He will punish him or if He wishes, He will forgive him.” So we gave the Pledge for that.”

(Sahih Bukhari, Book #89, Hadith #320)

Allah’s Messenger sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam gave us a parable that we should never forget in this issue of commanding the good and forbidding the evil.

As An-Numan bin Bashir radi Allahu anhu narrates, the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:

 ”The example of the person abiding by Allahs order and restrictions in comparison to those who violate them is like the example of those persons who drew lots for their seats in a boat. Some of them got seats in the upper part, and the others in the lower. When the latter needed water, they had to go up to bring water (and that troubled the others), so they said, Let us make a hole in our share of the ship (and get water) saving those who are above us from troubling them. So, if the people in the upper part left the others do what they had suggested, all the people of the ship would be destroyed, but if they prevented them, both parties would be safe.”

(Sahih Bukhari, Book #44, Hadith #673)

When someone encourages good and forbids evil he should have certain characteristics:

 1. Knowledge

2. Patience, as Luqman taught his son.

3. Hikmah – having widom

4. Kindness to those whom they are advising.

5. They should be just, not forgetting the good that; that person still has.

The point of commanding good and forbidding evil is not to release some anger in our hearts or to revenge an insult to us. In the end we want the person to receive guidance, something which may require us to swallow our personal pride sometimes. Other times – when the situation calls for it – we may have to hurt someones feelings if that is the only way they can be guided. But it is only the person of ilm (knowledge) and hikmah (wisdom) who can properly measure the situation.

Hurting the feelings of the lay Muslim is not a first resort, nor is public humiliation of someone who came to the masjid for the first time. These are methods of those who have not schooled themselves well in the characteristics of those who call to Allah.

About those who encourage good and forbid evil. Allah says:

“Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is wrong: They are the ones to attain felicity.” (Surah Ali ‘Imran 3:104)

Let’s begin practicing the encouraging of good and the forbidding of evil today. Lets begin with that Muslim in the mirror..

http://khilafatworld.blogspot.com/2010/08/before-boat-drowns.html

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever reads Soorat al-Kahf on the day of Jumu’ah, a light will shine for him from beneath his feet to the clouds of the sky, which will shine for him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will be forgiven (his sins) between the two Fridays.’”