His dad responded, “No you don’t deserve her. I will take her for myself!”

They had a disagreement, so they went to the city’s judge to solve the problem. He told them “neither you or him will marry her, I’m the one who deserves her!”

They all began to quarrel and went to the governor of the city! Of course we all know what happened! he also wanted her for himself. They all wanted her for themselves.

Finally the girl said, “We will make a race in the Forest and you will all chase me and whoever catches me is the winner!”

They ran and ran and ran and finally not realizing an abyss the four men fall in a deep abyss! they all settled in the deep hole staring at the girl who looked down at them and said, “I’m the Dunya! no matter how you chase me you will end up in this hole!” 

Oh ALLAH. Keep us aware of our PURPOSE OF LIFE. Oh ALLAH enable us to fulfill our purpose. Oh ALLAH help us fulfill this purpose. Aameen

“All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over a white – except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belogs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not therefore do injustice to yourselves. Remember one day you will meet Allah and answer your deeds.”

SM……..

Imam Ibnul-Qayyim said, “The Shaytan  flows through the son of Adam like blood, until it is as if he becomes part of him, so he finds out what he likes and prefers; once he knows that, he uses it against a person and enters into him through this door. He also passes this information on to his brothers and allies among mankind, so that when they want to achieve their wicked aims against one another they do so through means of that which people love and desire. Whoever tries to enter through this door will gain entry, and whoever tries to enter through any other way will find that the door is barred to him and he will not get what he wants.”

It is thus not the way of Shaytan to openly call one to disobedience. He will encourage negligence in prayers by whispering to the person to complete his worldly work before he leaves for prayers. After he has completed his work, Shaytan will remind him of food, and after that he will remind him of something else until the time of prayer has perished.

Similarly, if a person runs a business, Shaytan whispers to him that if he goes for prayer, he might miss some customers. However, if Shaytan finds man to be zealous in performing Salaat, he comes to him through different means in which he is weak. He whispers to him concerning his wealth and encourages him to unlawfully usurp the wealth of others and forbids him from paying Zakaat while telling him that this will bring him poverty and so on.

Ignorance, Ingratitude, Argumentativeness, Overstepping the limits, Carelessness, Pride, Doubt, Suspicion, Despair, Hopelessness, Recklessness, Haste, Inappropriate joy, Self-admiration, Wrong-doings, Oppression, Negligence, Miserliness, Covetousness, Extreme hostility in cases of dispute, Panic, Fear, Rebellion, Tyranny, Love of wealth are DOORWAYS OF SHAYTAN INTO A MAN’S HEART.

I ask Allaah to protect us and increase us in faith, righteousness and piety.

-Zakia Usmani

Dont Hope– Decide!

From PhotoBucket

- By Michael D. Hargrove and Bottom Line Underwriters, Inc.

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about — the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me.

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

 While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?

 “Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those.” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole days!”

 Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me.

I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

 The man suddenly stopped smiling.

 He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!”

Filed under: ARTICLES, CHILDREN, LIFE/LIVING Tagged: attention, caring, greetings, hugs, ISLAM, kisses, LOVE, MUSLIM, newlyweds ]]> http://islamzpeace.com/2012/02/17/dont-hopedecide/feed/ 0 Sakina sakina and sarah muslim couple http://islamzpeace.com/2012/01/23/beautiful-muslim-marriages-righteous-wives/ http://islamzpeace.com/2012/01/23/beautiful-muslim-marriages-righteous-wives/#comments Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:24:41 +0000 SAKINA AND SARA http://islamzpeace.com/?p=2394 ]]>

Most of the post I put up are pretty good, or I would not post them but once in a while I come across one which really means alot and just seems to cover so many points with necessary and accurate information that I wish I had a million sites to upload it to.  This is one such article.  It really covers many points related to the relationship between husbands and wives.  I hope that it offers many answers for those who need this information for their daughters, sisters and even for making their own marriages better by following the sunnah.  May Allah reward this author.

Marriage in Islam

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’aan has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms:

(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21)

This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behavior taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works.

The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.”1

A righteous woman is the greatest blessing that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) can give to a man, for with her he can find comfort and rest after the exhausting struggle of earning a living. With his wife, he can find incomparable tranquility and pleasure.

How can a woman be the best comfort in this world? How can she be a successful woman, true to her own femininity, and honored and loved? This is what will be explained in the following pages:

She chooses a good husband

One of the ways in which Islam has honored woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along, because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) . He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’”2

At first, the Prophet (SAW) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well being is well known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (SAW) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” – her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah (SAW) sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”3

According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behavior, but I do not like him.”

Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like.

There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to ‘Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn ‘Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet (SAW) commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene. Ibn ‘Abbas said:

“Barirah’s husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet (SAW) said to ‘Abbas, ‘O ‘Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?’ The Prophet (SAW) said (to Barirah), ‘Why do you not go back to him?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah (SAW), are you commanding me to do so?’ He said, ‘I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.’ She said, ‘I have no need of him.’”4

The Prophet (SAW) was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet (SAW) , this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet (SAW) !

The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behavior, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:

“If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah and mischief will become widespread on earth.”5

Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid “play-boy” types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behavior is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has said:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur’aan 24:26)

This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right – as stated above – to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse.

The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwaamah over her, as the Qur’aan says:

(Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwaamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur’aan 4:34)

Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwaamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfill their life’s mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfill the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur’aan says:

(For Muslim men and women – for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise – for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur’aan 33:35)

In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place. Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansaar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year- old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet (SAW) , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).

One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah – before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, “O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so.”  He said, “Of course.” She said, “Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?” Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: “O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more.”6

He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistence and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, “O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn.” Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, “Does the Lord burn?” Then he uttered the words: “Ashhadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah.”

Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, “O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah.” So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.

Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym’s disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, “O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry.” She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet (SAW) say:

“If Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels.”7

Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.

She is obedient to her husband and shows him respect

The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved. She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy. If he is poor, she does not complain about his being unable to spend much. She does not complain about her housework, because she remembers that many of the virtuous women in Islamic history set an example of patience, goodness and a positive attitude in serving their husbands and taking care of their homes despite the poverty and hardships they faced. One of the foremost of these exemplary wives is Fatimah al-Zahra’, the daughter of Muhammad and 5 the wife of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib (RAA). She used to complain of the pain in her ands caused by grinding grain with the hand-mill. Her husband ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib said to her one day, “Your father has brought some female slaves, so go and ask him for one of them to come and serve you.” She went to her father, but she felt too shy to ask him for what she wanted. ‘Ali went and asked him to provide a servant for his beloved daughter, but the Prophet (SAW) could not respond to those who most dear to him whilst ignoring the needs of the poor among the Muslims, so he came to his daughter and her husband and said: “Shall I not teach you something that is better than that for which you asked me? When you go to bed at night, say ‘Subhaan Allah’ thirty-three times, ‘Al-hamdu lillaah’ thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu akbar’ thirty-four times. This is better for you than a servant.”

Then he bid them farewell and left, after giving them this divine help which would make them forget their tiredness and help them to overcome their exhaustion.

‘Ali (RAA) began to repeat the words that the Prophet (SAW) had taught him. He said, “I never stopped doing that after he had taught me these words.” One of his companions asked him, “Not even on the night of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffin.”8

Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq served her husband al-Zubayr, and took care of the house. Her husband had a horse, which she took care of, feeding it and exercising it. She also repaired the water-bucket, made bread, and carried dates on her head from far away. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report this in her own words:

“Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his horse. I used to feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed date-stones to feed his camel. I used to bring water and repair the bucket, and I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so some of my Ansari neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me. I used  to carry the dates from the garden that the Prophet (SAW) had given to al-Zubayr on my head, and this garden was two-thirds of a farsakh away. One day I was coming back with the dates on my head. I met the Messenger of Allah (SAW), who had a group of his Companions with him. He called me, then told his camel to sit down so that I could ride behind him. I told (al-Zubayr), ‘I felt shy, because I know that you are a jealous man.’ He said, ‘It is worse for me to see you carrying the dates on your head than to see you riding behind him.’ Later, Abu Bakr sent me a servant, who relieved me of having to take care of the horse; it was as if I had been released from slavery.”9

The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her house and husband. She knows her husband’s rights over  her, and how great they are, as was confirmed by the Prophet (SAW)’s words:

“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”10

And:

“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.”11 ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Messenger of Allah (SAW) : “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.”12

A woman came to ask the Prophet (SAW) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”13

How can the Muslim woman complain about taking care of her house and husband when she hears these words of Prophet (SAW)ic guidance? She should fulfill her household duties and take care of her husband in a spirit of joy, because she is not carrying a tiresome burden, she is doing work in her home that she knows will bring reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).

The Sahaabah, may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) be pleased with them, and those who followed them understood this Islamic teaching and transmitted it from the Prophet (SAW) . When a bride was prepared for marriage, she would be told to serve her husband and take care of his rights. Thus the Muslim woman knew her duties towards her husband, and down through the ages caring for her husband and being a good wife were established womanly attributes. One example of this is what was said by the faqih al-Hanbali ibn al-Jawzi in his book Ahkam al-Nisa’ (p. 331): In the second century AH there was a righteous man called Shu‘ayb ibn Harb, who used to fast and spend his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told her humbly, “I am a bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who makes you lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a woman who was intelligent, wise and mature. He immediately said to her, “You will be my wife.”

This woman had a clear understanding of how to be a good wife, which confirmed to the man who had come to seek her hand that she was a woman who would understand the psychology and nature of her husband and would know what would please him and what would make him angry; she would be able to win his heart and earn his admiration and respect, and would close the door to every possible source of conflict that could disrupt their married life. The woman who does not understand these realities does not deserve to be a successful wife; through her ignorance and shortcomings she may provoke her husband to lose his temper, in which case, she would be worse than him, for being the direct cause of his anger.

The tactful Muslim woman is never like this. She helps her husband to be of good character, by displaying different types of intelligence, cleverness and alertness in the way she deals with him. This opens his heart to her and makes him fond of her, because being a good wife is a not only a quality that she may boast about among her friends, but it is also a  eligious obligation for which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will call her to account: if she has done well, she will be rewarded, but if she has fallen short she will have to pay the penalty.

One of the most important ways in which the Muslim woman obeys her husband is by respecting his wishes with regard to the permissible pleasures of daily life, such as social visits, food, dress, speech, etc. The more she responds to his wishes in such matters, the happier and more enjoyable the couple’s life becomes, and the closer it is to the spirit and teachings of Islam.

The Muslim woman does not forget that her obedience to her husband is one of the things that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.’”14

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said:

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’”15

The Prophet (SAW) draw a clear and delightful picture of the well-behaved, easy-going, loving, righteous Muslim wife, one who will be happy in this world and the next:

“Shall I not tell you about your wives in Paradise?” We said, “Of course, O Messenger of Allah (SAW).” He said, “They are fertile and loving. If she becomes angry or is mistreated, or her husband becomes angry, she says, ‘My hand is in your hand; I shall never sleep until you are pleased with me.’”16

The true Muslim woman knows that Islam, which has multiplied her reward for obeying her husband and made it a means of her admittance to Paradise, has also warned every woman who deviates from the path of marital obedience and neglects to take care of her husband, that she will be guilty of sin, and will incur the wrath and curses of the angels.

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (SAW) said:

“If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning.”17

Muslim reports from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (SAW) said Imam:

“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her, until the husband is pleased with her once more.”18

The angels’ curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient; this does not exclude those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their husbands:

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will curse those procrastinating women who, when their husbands call them to their beds, say ‘I will, I will . . .’ until he falls asleep.” 19

Marriage in Islam is intended to protect the chastity of men and women alike, therefore it is the woman’s duty to respond to her husband’s requests for conjugal relations. She should not give silly excuses and try to avoid it. For this reason, several hadeeth urge a wife to respond to her husband’s needs as much as she is able, no matter how busy she may be or whatever obstacles there may be, so long as there is no urgent or unavoidable reason not to do so.

In one of these hadeeth, the Prophet (SAW) said:

“If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel [i.e., very busy].”20

And:

“If a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven.”21

The issue of protecting a man’s chastity and keeping him away from temptation is more important than anything else that a woman can do, because Islam wants men and women alike to live in an environment which is entirely pure and free from any motive of fitnah or haraam pleasures. The flames of sexual desire and thoughts of pursuing them through haraam means can only be extinguished by means of discharging that natural energy in natural and lawful ways. This is what the Prophet (SAW) meant in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim from Jabir:

“If anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have intercourse with her, for that will calm him down.”22

The warning given to the woman whose husband is angry with her reaches such an extent that it would shake the conscience of every righteous wife who has faith in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day: she is told that her prayer and good deeds will not be accepted, until her husband is pleased with her again. This is stated in the hadeeth narrated by Jabir from ‘Abdullah:

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘There are three people whose prayers will not be accepted, neither their good works: a disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again; and the drunkard, until he becomes sober.’”23

When these hadeeth refer to the husband being angry with his wife, they refer to cases in which the husband is right and the wife is wrong. When the opposite is the case, and the husband is wrong, then his anger has no negative implications for her; in fact, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will reward the wife for her patience. But the wife is still required to obey her husband, so long as no sin is involved, because there should be no obedience to a created being if it entails disobedience to the Creator. Concerning this, the Prophet (SAW) said:

“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) to allow anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he does not want her to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on her. If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and excused herself in the sight of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).”24 .

Another aspect of wifely obedience is that she should not fast at times other than Ramadan except with his permission, that she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission, and that she should not spend any of his earnings without his permission. If she spends anything without him having told her to do so, then half of the reward for that spending will be given to him. The true Muslim woman takes heed of this teaching which was stated by the Prophet (SAW) in the hadeeth:

“It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present, except with his permission; or to allow anyone into his house except with his permission; or to spend any of his earnings unless he has told her to do so, otherwise half of the reward will be given to him.”25

According to a report given by Muslim, he said:

“A woman should not fast if her husband is present, except with his permission. She should not allow anyone to enter his house when he is present without his permission. Whatever she spends of his wealth without him having told her to do so, half of the reward for it will be given to him.”26

The point here is the permission of the husband. If a wife gives some of his money in voluntary charity without his permission, then she will not receive any reward; on the contrary, it will be recorded as a sin on her part. If she wants to spend in his absence, and she knows that if he knew about it he would give his permission, then she is allowed to do so, otherwise it is not permitted.

Mutual understanding and harmony between husband and wife cannot be achieved unless there is understanding between them on such matters, so that neither of them will fall into such errors and troubles as may damage the marriage which Islam has built on a basis of love and mercy, and sought to maintain its purity, care and harmony.

If the husband is a miser, and spends too little on her and her children, then she is allowed to spend as much as she needs from his wealth on herself and her children, in moderation, without his knowledge. The Prophet (SAW) stated this to Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan, when she came to him and said, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), Abu Sufyan is a stingy man. What he gives me is not enough for me and my child, unless I take from him without his knowledge.” He told her, “Take what is enough for you and your child, in moderation.”27 Thus Islam has made women responsible for good conduct in their running of the household affairs. The Muslim woman understands the responsibility that Islam has given her, to take care of her husband’s house and children by making her a “shepherd” over her husband’s house and children. She has been specifically reminded of this responsibility in recognition of her role, in the hadeeth in which the Prophet (SAW) made every individual in the Islamic society responsible for those under his or her authority in such a way that no-one, man or woman, may evade responsibility:

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those under his care.”28

The true Muslim woman is always described as being loving towards her children and caring towards her husband. These are two of the most beautiful characteristics that a woman of any time or place may possess. The Prophet (SAW) praised these two characteristics, which were embodied by the women of Quraysh, who represented the best women among the Arabs in terms of loving their children, caring for their husbands, respecting their rights and looking after their wealth with care, honesty and wisdom:

“The best women who ride camels are the women of Quraysh. They are the most compassionate towards their children when they are small, and the most careful with regard to their husbands’ wealth.”29

This is a valuable testimony on the part of the Prophet (SAW) , attesting to the psychological and moral qualities of the women of Quraysh which enhanced their beauty and virtue. This testimony represents a call to every Muslim woman to emulate the women of Quraysh in loving her children and taking care of her husband. These two important characteristics contribute to the success of a marriage, make individuals and families happy, and help a society to advance.

It is a great honor for a woman to take care of her husband every morning and evening, and wherever he goes, treating him with gentleness and good manners which will fill his life with joy, tranquility and stability. Muslim women have the best example in ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), who used to accompany the Prophet (SAW) on Hajj, surrounding him with her care, putting perfume on him with her own hands before he entered ihram, and after he finished his ihram, before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.30 She chose for him the best perfume that she could find. This is stated in a number of shih hadeeth reported by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim, for example:

“I applied perfume to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) with my own hands before he entered the state of ihram and when he concluded it before circumambulating the House.”31

“I applied perfume to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) with these two hands of mine when he entered ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf,” – and she spread her hands.32

‘Urwah said:

“I asked ‘A’ishah, ‘With what did you perfume the Messenger of Allah (SAW) at the time when he entered ihram?’ She said, ‘With the best of perfume.’”33

According to another report also given by Muslim, ‘A’ishah said:

“I applied the best perfume I could find to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) before he entered ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.”34

When the Prophet (SAW) was in seclusion (i‘tikaf), he would lean his head towards ‘A’ishah, and she would comb and wash his hair. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim both report this in sahih hadeeth narrated from ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), such as:

“When the Messenger of Allah (SAW) was in i‘tikaf, he inclined his head towards me and I combed his hair, and he did not enter the house except to answer the call of nature.”35

“I used to wash the Prophet (SAW)’s head when I was menstruating.”36

‘Aishah urged women to take good care of their husbands and to recognize the rights that their husbands had over them. She saw these rights as being so great and so important that a woman was barely qualified to wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face, as she stated: “O womenfolk, if you knew the rights that your husbands have over you, every one of you would wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face.”37

This is a vivid expression of the importance of the husband’s rights over his wife. ‘A’ishah wanted to bring this to women’s attention, so as to remove from the hearts of arrogant and stubborn women all those harsh, obstinate feelings that all too often destroy a marriage and turn it into a living hell.

Honoring and respecting one’s husband is one of the characteristic attitudes of this ummah. It is one of the good manners known at the time of jahiliyyah that were endorsed by Islam and perpetuated by the Arabs after they embraced Islam. Our Arab heritage is filled with texts that eloquently describe the advice given by mothers to their daughters, to care for, honor and respect their husbands; these texts may be regarded as invaluable social documents.

One of the most famous and most beautiful of these texts was recorded by ‘Abd al-Malik ibn ‘Umayr al-Qurashi, who was one of the outstanding scholars of the second century AH. He quotes the words of advice given by Umamah bint al-Harith, one of the most eloquent and learned women, who was possessed of wisdom and great maturity, to her daughter on the eve of her marriage. These beautiful words deserve to be inscribed in golden ink. ‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise. ‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you. ‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you. ‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) choose what is best for you and protect you.’”38

She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.

This advice clearly included everything that one could think of as regards the good manners that a young girl needs to know about in order to treat her husband properly and be a suitable companion for him. The words of this wise mother deserve to be taken as the standard for every young girl who is about to get married.

If she is rich, the true Muslim woman does not let her wealth and financial independence make her blind to the importance of respecting her husband’s rights over her. She still takes care of him and honors him, no matter how rich she is or may become. She knows that she is obliged to show gratitude to Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon her, so she increases her charitable giving for the sake of Allah. The first person to whom she should give generously is her own husband, if he is poor; in this case she will receive two rewards, one for taking care of a family member, and another for giving charity, as the Prophet (SAW) stated in the hadeeth narrated by Zaynab al-Thaqafiyyah, the wife of ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud (RAA):

“The Prophet (SAW) told us: ‘O women, give in charity even if it is some of your jeweler.’ She said, ‘I went back to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud and told him. ‘You are a man of little wealth, and the Prophet (SAW) has commanded us to give charity, so go and ask him whether it is permissible for me to give you charity. If it is, I will do so; if it is not, I will give charity to someone else.’ ‘Abdullah said, ‘No, you go and ask.’ So I went, and I found a woman of the Ansaar at the Prophet (SAW)’s door, who also had the question. We felt too shy to go in, out of respect, so Bilal came out and we asked him, ‘Go and tell the Messenger of Allah (SAW) that there are two women at the door asking you: Is it permissible for them to give sadaqah to their husbands and the orphans in their care? But do not tell him who we are.’ So Bilal went in and conveyed this message to the Prophet (SAW) , who asked, ‘Who are they?’ Bilal said, ‘One of the women of the Ansaar, and Zaynab/’ The Prophet (SAW) asked, ‘Which Zaynab is it?’ Bilal said, ‘The wife of ‘Abdullah.’ The Prophet (SAW) said: ‘They will have two rewards, the reward for upholding the relationship, and the reward for giving charity.’”39 According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari, he said, “Your husband and your child are more deserving of your charity.”40

The true Muslim woman is always careful to give thanks for Allah’s blessings if her life is easy, and she never loses her patience if she encounters difficulty. She never forgets the warning that the Prophet (SAW) issued to women in general, when he saw that most of the inhabitants of Hell will be women, and so she seeks refuge with Allah from becoming one of them.

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (RAA) that the Prophet (SAW) said: “O women, give charity, for I have surely seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.” They asked, ‘Why is this so, O Messenger of Allah (SAW)?” He said, “Because you curse too much, and are ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husbands).”41

According to another report given by Al-Bukhaari, he said, “because they are ungrateful for good and kind treatment. Even if you treated one of them (these ungrateful women) well for an entire lifetime, then she saw one fault in you, she would say, ‘I have never seen anything good from you!’”42

According to a report given by Ahmad, a man said, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), are they not our mothers and sisters and wives?” He said, “Of course, but when they are treated generously they are ungrateful, and when they are tested, they do not have patience.”43

When the true Muslim woman thinks about these sahih hadeeth which describe the fate of most women in the Hereafter, she is always on the alert lest she fall into the sins of ingratitude towards her husband, or frequent cursing, or denying her husband’s good treatment of her, or forgetting to give thanks for times of ease, or failing to be patient at times of difficulty. In any case, she hastens to give charity as the Prophet (SAW) urged all women to do, in the hope that it may save them from that awful fate which will befall most of those women who deviate from truth and let trivial matters distract them from remembering Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day, and whose bad qualities will ultimately lead them into the Fire of Hell. The Muslim woman, on the other hand, sets the highest example of respect towards one’s husband and taking note of his good qualities. This is the attitude of loyalty that befits the true Muslim woman who respects her husband’s rights and does not ignore his virtues.

Muslim women’s history is full of stories that reflect this loyalty and recognition of the good qualities of the husband. One of these stories is that of Asma’ bint ‘Umays, who was one of the greatest women in Islam, and one of the first women to migrate to Madinah. She was married to Ja‘far ibn Abi Talib, then to Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, then to ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with them all. On one occasion, her two sons Muhammad ibn Ja‘far and Muhammad ibn Abi Bakr were competing with one another, each of them saying. “I am better than you, and my father is better than your father.” ‘Ali said to her, “Judge between them, O Asma’.” She said, “I have never seen a young man among the Arabs who was better than Ja‘far, and I have never seen a mature man who was better than Abu Bakr.” ‘Ali said, “You have not left anything for me. If you had said anything other than what you have said, I would have hated you!” Asma’ said: “These are the best three, and you are one of them even if you are the least of them.”44

What a clever and eloquent answer this wise woman gave! She gave each of her three husbands the respect he deserved, and pleased ‘Ali, even though he was the least of them, because she included all of them in that group of the best.

She treats his mother and family with kindness and respect

One of the ways in which a wife expresses her respect towards her husband is by honoring and respecting his mother.

The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of her religion knows that the person who has the greatest right over a man is his mother, as we have seen in the hadeeth of ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) quoted above. So she helps him to honor and respect his mother, by also honoring and respecting her. In this way she will do herself and her husband a favor, as she will helping him to do good deeds and fear Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), as commanded by the Qur’aan. At the same time, she will endear herself to her husband, who will appreciate her honor and respect towards his family in general, and towards his mother in particular. Nothing could please a decent, righteous and respectful man more than seeing strong ties of love and respect between his wife and his family, and nothing could be more hateful to a decent man than to see those ties destroyed by the forces of evil, hatred and conspiracy. The Muslim family which is guided by faith in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and follows the pure teachings of Islam is unlikely to fall into the trap of such jahil behavior, which usually flourishes in an environment that is far removed from the true teachings of this religion.

A Muslim wife may find herself being tested by her mother-in-law and other in-laws, if they are not of good character. If such is the case, she is obliged to treat them in the best way possible, which requires a great deal of cleverness, courtesy, diplomacy and repelling evil with that which is better. Thus she will maintain a balance between her relationship with her in-laws and her relationship with her husband, and she will protect herself and her marriage from any adverse effects that may result from the lack of such a balance.

The Muslim woman should never think that she is the only one who is required to be a good and caring companion to her spouse, and that nothing similar is required of her husband or that there is nothing wrong with him mistreating her or failing to fulfill some of the responsibilities of marriage. Islam has regulated the marital relationship by giving each partner both rights and duties. The wife’s duties of honoring and taking care of her husband are balanced by the rights that she has over him, which are that he should protect her honor and dignity from all kinds of mockery, humiliation, trials or oppression. These rights of the wife comprise the husband’s duties towards her: he is obliged to honor them and fulfill them as completely as possible.

One of the Muslim husband’s duties is to fulfill his role of qawwaam (maintainer and protector) properly. This is a role that can only be properly fulfilled by a man who is a successful leader in his home and family, one who possesses likeable masculine qualities. Such a man has a noble and worthy attitude, is tolerant, overlooks minor errors, is in control of his married life, and is generous without being extravagant. He respects his wife’s feelings and makes her feel that she shares the responsibility of running the household affairs, bringing up the children, and working with him to build a sound Muslim family, as Islam wants it to be.

She endears herself to her husband and is keen to please him

The true Muslim woman is always keen to win her husband’s love and to please him. Nothing should spoil his happiness or enjoyment of life. So she speaks kind words to him, and refrains from saying anything hurtful or upsetting. She brings him good news, but she keeps bad news from him as much as she can, or postpones telling it until a more suitable time when it will not upset him so much. If she finds that she has no alternative but to tell him upsetting news, she looks for the most suitable way to convey it, so that the blow will not be so hard on him. This is the wise approach and good conduct of the clever woman, but it is very difficult to attain and only a very few virtuous women ever do so.

One of those who did reach this high level was the great Muslim woman Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, the wife of Abu Talhah al-Ansari. Her son passed away whilst Abu Talhah was traveling, and her attitude was so unique that if Imam Muslim had not reported this story we would have taken it to be a mere myth. Let us hear her son Anas ibn Malik tell the story of his remarkable mother and her attitude:

“A son of Abu Talhah by Umm Sulaym died. Umm Sulaym told her family, ‘Do not tell Abu Talhah about his son until I tell him about it.’ Abu Talhah came home, so she prepared dinner for him, and he ate and drank. Then she beautified herself in a way that she had never done before, and he had sexual intercourse with her. When she saw that he was satisfied, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you think that if a people lent something to a household, then asked for it back, do they have the right not to return it?’ He said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Then resign yourself to the death of your son.’ Abu Talhah became angry and said, ‘You let me indulge myself and then you tell me about my son!’ He went to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and told him what had happened. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, ‘May Allah bless both of you for this night!’ Umm Sulaym became pregnant. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) went on a journey, and she accompanied him. Whenever the Messenger of Allah (SAW) came back from a journey, he never entered Madinah at night. When they (the traveling-party) approached Madinah, her labor-pains started. Abu Talhah stayed with her, and the Messenger of Allah (SAW) went on ahead to Madinah. Abu Talhah said, ‘O Lord, You know how I love to go out with Your Messenger when he goes out, and to come back with him when he comes back, and I have been detained, as You see.’ Umm Sulaym said, ‘O Abu Talhah, I do not feel as much pain as I did before, so let us go on.’ When they reached (Madinah), her pains-pains started again, and she gave birth to a boy. My mother said to me, ‘O Anas, nobody should feed him until you take him to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) in the morning.’ So when morning came, I took the baby to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) , and when I met him he was carrying an iron tool. When he saw me, he said, ‘I hope that Umm Sulaym has given birth.’ I said, ‘Yes.’ So he put down the tool and I brought the child to him and placed him in his lap. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) called for some of the dates of Madinah. He chewed it until it became soft, then he put it in the baby’s mouth and the baby began to smack his lips. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘See how much the Ansaar love dates!’ Then he wiped the baby’s face and named him ‘Abdullah.”45

How great was Umm Sulaym’s faith, and how magnificent her patience and virtue! How bravely she hid her pain from her husband and endeared herself to him. She managed to conceal her grief at the loss of her beloved son and spent that time with her husband patiently hoping that by being a good wife to her husband she might earn the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). This is true, deep and sincere faith.

Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) answered the Prophet (SAW)’s prayer for Umm Sulaym and her husband, and she became pregnant from that night. When she was heavily pregnant, she saw her husband Abu Talhah preparing to set out on another military campaign with the Messenger of Allah (SAW) . She insisted on partaking of the honor of jihad with him alongside the Messenger of Allah (SAW) , even though she was in the later stages of pregnancy. Her husband took pity on her because of the difficulties of the journey and the heat of the desert, but he still asked the Prophet (SAW) for permission to let her come with him, and he gave his permission because he knew her strength of character and love of jihad.Umm Sulaym was present when the Muslims were triumphant at Makkah, and when they were sorely tested at Hunayn. She stood firm, as solid as a rock, alongside her husband and the small group of believers around the Prophet (SAW) , even though she was pregnant, at that most difficult time when many others had fled, and she remained there until Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) brought victory to the believers.

The mujahid army returned to Madinah, and her labor began. When the pains became intense, she and her husband stayed behind for a while, but her husband prayed to his Lord in the still of night because he loved to go out and return with the Prophet (SAW) . Suddenly the pains ceased; she told her husband and they set out to follow the army that had gone on ahead. They caught up with them, and after they had entered Madinah, Umm Sulaym’s labor pains began anew. She gave birth to a boy, and his brother on his mother’s side, Anas, brought him to the Prophet (SAW) , who fed him a small amount of dates (tahnik) and named him ‘Abdullah. The prayer of the Prophet (SAW) for this baby was fulfilled, as among his descendents were ten great scholars.

No doubt Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) knew the sincerity of Umm Sulaym’s faith, and conveyed the good news of Paradise to her via His Prophet (SAW) :

“I entered Paradise, and heard footsteps. I said, ‘Who is this?’ and they told me, ‘It is al-Ghumaysa’, the daughter of Milhan, the mother of Anas ibn Malik.’”46

Another example of the ways in which a wife may endear herself to her husband is the way in which ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) spoke to the Prophet (SAW) when he came back to his wives after he had kept away from them for a month. He had said, “I will not go in to them for a month,” because he was so angry with them. When twenty-nine days had passed, he came to ‘A’ishah first. ‘A’ishah said to him, ‘You swore to stay away from us for a month, and only twenty-nine days have passed; I have been counting them.” The Prophet (SAW) said, “This month has twenty-nine days.” That particular month had only twenty-nine days.47

‘A’ishah’s telling the Prophet (SAW) that she had counted twenty-nine days was a clear indication of her love towards her husband and of how she had waited, day by day, hour by hour, for him to come back to her. It shows how she loved and missed her husband. This approach made her even dearer to him, so when he came back to his wives, he started with her.

The sincere Muslim woman recognizes her husband’s likes and habits, and tries to accommodate them as much as she can, in the interests of mutual understanding and marital harmony, and to protect the marriage from the boredom of routine. This is what every wise and intelligent wife does. It was narrated that the qadi and faqih Shurayh married a woman from Banu Hanzalah. On their wedding night, each of them prayed two rak‘ahs and asked Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) to bless them. Then the bride turned to Shurayh and said, “I am a stranger, and I do not know much about you. Tell me what you like, and I will do it, and tell me what you do not like so I may avoid it.” Shurayh said, “She stayed with me for twenty years, and I never had to tell her off for anything, except on one occasion, and I was in the wrong then.”

This is the respectful and loving wife as Islam wants her to be, responsible for her home and loyal to her husband, and always careful to maintain a good relationship between them. If anything happens to upset their marriage, she hastens to calm the situation with her sincere love and wise understanding. She does not listen to the whispering of the Shaytan which calls her to do wrong, and she never hastens to ask her husband for a divorce. The marriage bond should be too strong to be undone by temporary arguments or occasional misunderstandings.

The Prophet (SAW) warned those foolish women who ask their husbands for a divorce with no legitimate reason that they would be denied even the scent of Paradise:

“Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no good reason will be deprived of even smelling the scent of Paradise.”48

She does not disclose his secrets

The chaste Muslim woman does not disclose her husband’s secrets, and does not talk to anyone about whatever secrets and other matters there may be between him and her. The serious Muslim woman is above that; she would never sink to the level of such cheap and shameless talk as goes on amongst the lowest type of people. Her time is too precious to be wasted in such vulgar behavior. She would never accept for herself to be counted as one of those people whom the Prophet (SAW) described as one of the worst types:

“Among the worst type of people in the sight of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) on the Day of Judgment is a man who enjoys his wife’s intimate company, and she enjoys his intimate company, then one of them goes and discloses the secret of the other.”49

Talking about that which is private between a husband and wife is one of the most abhorrent ways of disclosing secrets. No one does such a thing but the worst type of people. There are some secrets the disclosure of which is not as bad as disclosing this secret, but in any case, telling secrets at all is disliked and is unacceptable. Keeping secrets in itself is a worthy and virtuous deed, whilst disclosing them is a serious error and shortcoming, from which nobody can be immune except the infallible Prophet (SAW) . The disclosure of a secret that the Prophet (SAW) had entrusted to Hafsah, who told it to ‘A’ishah, led to the plotting and intrigue in his household that caused him to keep away from his wives for a whole month, because he was so upset with them.50 Concerning this, the following ayah was revealed:

(When the Prophet (SAW) disclosed a matter of confidence to one of his consorts, and she then divulged it [to another], and Allah made it known to him, he confirmed part thereof and repudiated a part. Then when he told her thereof, she said, ‘Who told you this?’ He said, ‘He told me Who knows and is well-acquainted [with all things].) (Qur’aan 66:3)

The two women concerned are then confronted with their error, and called to repent, so that they might draw closer to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) after having distanced themselves by their deed, otherwise Allah would be his (the Prophet (SAW)’s) Protector, and Jibril and the righteous believers would also support him:

( If you two turn in repentance to Him, your hearts are indeed so inclined; but if you back up each other against him, truly Allah is his Protector, and Gabriel, and [every] righteous one among those who believe – and furthermore, the angels – will back [him] up.) (Qur’aan 66:4)

Then they are issued with a stern warning and the terrifying prospect that if they persist in their error, they may lose the honor of being the wives of the Prophet (SAW):

( It may be, if he divorced you [all], that Allah will give him in exchange Consorts better than you – who submit [their wills], who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship [in humility], who travel [for Faith] and fast – previously married or virgins.) (Qur’aan 66:5)

This incident presents a valuable lesson to the Muslim woman on the importance of keeping her husband’s secret, and the effect this confidentiality has on the stability of the individual and the home. One of the greatest blessings that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has bestowed on the Muslims in particular, and on mankind in general, is that he has made the public and private life of His Messenger like an open book, in which can be read the teachings of this ‘aqeedah and its practical application in real life. Nothing is secret or hidden: matters and events that people usually keep secret are discussed openly in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, even unavoidable human weaknesses. All of these issues are presented in order to teach people right from wrong.

The Sahaabah, may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) be pleased with them, understood that the Prophet (SAW)’s life was entirely devoted to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His message, so why should they keep secret or conceal any aspect of his life? The stories that have been narrated about his life, his household and his wives represent a practical application of the words he preached, and for this reason, the Sahaabah (may Allah reward them with all good) transmitted the most precise details of his life, and did not fail to record any aspect of his daily life, whether it was major or minor. This is part of the way in which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) caused the life of his Prophet (SAW) to be recorded, including details of the precise way in which Islamic teachings were applied in his life. This is in addition to the Qur’aanic references to the Prophet (SAW)’s life, which form a record that will remain until heaven and earth pass away.

She stands by him and offers her advice

One of the laws that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has decreed for this life is that men and women should work together to cultivate and populate the earth and run the affairs of life therein. Man cannot do without woman, and vice versa. Hence the laws of Islam teach men and women to co-operate in all matters. Islam encourages a man to help his wife, as much as he is able; the Prophet (SAW) , who is the example for all Muslims, used to help and serve his family until he went out to pray, as the Mother of the Believers ‘A’ishah said.51

Just as Islam expects a man to help his wife with housework and running household affairs, so the woman is also expected to help him in dealing with the outside world and to play her role in life by offering her opinions and advice, and supporting him in practical terms.

History tells us that Muslim women engaged in jihad side by side with men, marching to war with them, bringing water to the thirsty, tending the wounded, setting broken bones, stemming the flow of blood, encouraging the soldiers, and sometimes joining in the actual fighting, running back and forth between the swords and spears, standing firm when some of the brave men had fled. Their courageous conduct in battle was praised by the Prophet (SAW), as we have described previously (see pp. 69-91).

However, women’s contribution to public life did not stop on the battlefield; women also stood side-by-side with men at times of peace, offering their valuable opinions, soothing their hearts at times of stress and supporting them during times of hardship.

History has recorded many names of great Muslim men who used to seek and follow the advice of their wives, foremost among whom is the Prophet (SAW) himself , who sometimes followed the advice of Khadijah, Umm Salamah, ‘A’ishah and others among his wives.

‘Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr used to follow the advice of his mother Asma’, al-Walid ibn ‘Abd al-Malik used to follow the advice of his wife Umm al-Banin bint ‘Abd al-‘Aziz ibn Marwan, and Harun al-Rashid used to follow the advice of his wife Zubaydah, and there are many other such examples in the history of Islam.

The true, sincere Muslim woman understands the heavy burden that Islam has placed on her shoulders, by obliging her to be a good wife to her husband, to surround him with care and meet his every need, to give him enjoyment, and to renew his energy so that he may fulfill his mission in life. So she does not withhold her advice when she sees that he needs it, and she never hesitates to stand by his side, encouraging him, supporting him and offering advice and consolation.

The first Muslim woman, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid is the best example of a woman who influenced her husband. The Prophet (SAW) came to her on the day of the first Revelation, anxious, trembling and shaking all over. He told her, “Cover me, cover me!” She hastened to offer her help and support, advising him and thinking of a practical way of helping him. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report the story told by ‘A’ishah of how the Revelation commenced, and the marvelous way in which Khadijah responded by supporting her husband:

“The Revelation started in the form of a dream that came true, he never saw a dream but it would clearly come to pass. Then he was made to like seclusion, so he would go and stay alone in the cave of Hira’, praying and worshipping for many nights at a time, before coming back to his family to collect supplies for another period of seclusion. Then the truth came suddenly, when he was in the cave of Hira’. The angel came to him and said ‘Read!’ He said, ‘I am not a reader.’ [The Prophet (SAW) said:] ‘The angel embraced me and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me, and said, ‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angels embraced me a second time, squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said, ‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angel embraced me a third time and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said:

(Read! In the name of your Lord and Cherisher, who created – created man, out of a [mere] clot of congealed blood: Read! And your Lord is Most Bountiful – He Who taught [the use of] the Pen – taught man that which he knew not.) (Qur’aan 96:1-5)’”

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) came back to Khadijah, trembling all over, and said, “Cover me, cover me!”. They covered him up until he calmed down, then he said to Khadijah, “O Khadijah, what is wrong with me?” He told her what had happened, then said, “I fear for myself.” Khadijah said: “No, rather be of good cheer, for by Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would never forsake you. By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), you uphold the ties of kinship, speak the truth, spend money on the needy, give money to the penniless, honor your guests and help those beset by difficulties. She took him to Waraqah ibn Nawfal ibn Asad ibn ‘Abd al-‘Uzza, who was her cousin, the son of her father’s brother. He was a man who had become a Christian during the time of jahiliyyah; he could write the Arabic script and he had written as much of the Gospel in Arabic as Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) willed. He was an old man who had become blind. Khadijah said to him, “O Uncle, listen to your nephew.” Waraqah ibn Nawfal said, “O son of my brother, what has happened?” The Messenger of Allah (SAW) told him what had happened, and Waraqah said to him, “This is al-Namus (i.e., Jibril), who was sent down to Musa, upon whom be peace. I wish that I were a young man, and could be alive when your people cast you out.”

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) asked, “Will they really cast me out?” Waraqah said, “Yes. No man has ever come with what you have brought, but his people were hostile towards him. If I live to see that day I will give you all the support I can.”52

This report is strong evidence of Khadijah’s wifely perfection, wisdom, strength of character, steadfastness, understanding and deep insight. She knew the Prophet (SAW)’s outstanding character, good conduct and purity of heart, and this made her certain that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would never forsake a man such as Muhammad or permit any bad fate to befall him. She knew that behind this remarkable new event that had overwhelmed the Messenger of Allah (SAW) lay something great that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had prepared for His Messenger, so she spoke her kind and sweet words of encouragement, filling him with confidence, tranquility and firm conviction: “Be of good cheer, O cousin, and stand firm. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khadijah, I hope that you will be the Prophet (SAW) of this nation.”53 Then she took him to her cousin Waraqah ibn Nawfal, who had knowledge of the Torah and Gospel, and told him what had happened to the Prophet (SAW).

The first Mother of the Believers, Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her), was a sincere adviser in the way of Islam to the Prophet (SAW) . She had already earned the great status and lasting fame of being the first person to believe in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His Messenger, and she stood beside her husband the Prophet (SAW) , supporting him and helping him to bear the worst oppression and persecution that he faced at the beginning of his mission; she endured along with him every hardship and difficulty that he was confronted with.

Ibn Hisham says in his Sirah: “Khadijah had faith, and believed in what he brought from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). In this way, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) helped His Prophet (SAW) . Whenever he heard any hateful words of rejection or disbelief that upset him, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would cause his spirits to be lifted when he came back to her. She encouraged him to be patient, believed in him, and made it easier for him to bear whatever the people said or did. May Allah have mercy on her.”54

She was a woman who always spoke the truth, and carried this burden sincerely. It is no surprise that she earned the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and deserved to be honored by Him, so He conveyed the greeting of salam to her through His Messengers Jibril and Muhammad , and gave her glad tidings of a house in Paradise, as is stated in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah:

“Jibril came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah (SAW), Khadijah is coming to you with vessels containing food and drink. When she comes to you, convey to her the greeting of salam from her Lord and from me, and give her the glad tidings of a house of pearls in Paradise, in which there is no noise or hard work.”55

The true Muslim woman puts her mind to good work, thinks hard and gives advice to her husband at times when he may be most in need of advice. By doing so, she does a great favor for her husband, and this is one of the ways in which she may treat him well.

Another of these great stories which feature correct advice given by a woman is the reaction of the Muslims to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah, and Umm Salamah’s reaction, which demonstrated her deep insight and great wisdom.

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) was one of those who were with the Prophet (SAW) when he went to Makkah to perform ‘Umrah in 6 AH. This is the journey that was interrupted by Quraysh, who prevented the Prophet (SAW) and his Companions from reaching the Ka‘bah. The treaty of al-Hudaybiyah was drawn up between the Prophet (SAW) and Quraysh.

This was a peace-treaty which was intended to put an end to the fighting for ten years; it was also agreed that if anyone from Quraysh came to Muhammad without the permission of his guardian, he would be returned, but if any of the Muslims came to Quraysh, he would not be returned, and that the Muslims would go back that year without entering Makkah, etc.

By virtue of his deep understanding that was derived from the guidance of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), the Prophet (SAW) understood that this treaty, which appeared to be quite unfair to the Muslims, was in fact something good and represented a great victory for Islam and the Muslims.

The Sahaabah, however, were dismayed when they learned the content of the treaty. They saw it as unfair and unjust, especially as they had the upper hand at that time. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab expressed the angry feelings of the Sahaabah when he went to Abu Bakr and asked him: “Is he not the Messenger of Allah (SAW)?” Abu Bakr said, “Of course.” “Are we not Muslims?” “Yes.” “Are they not mushrikin?” “Yes.” “Why should we accept this deal which is so humiliating to our religion?” Abu Bakr warned him, “O ‘Umar, follow his orders. I bear witness that he is the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” Umar said, “And I bear witness that he is the Messenger of Allah (SAW).” Then ‘Umar went to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) , and asked him questions similar to those he had asked Abu Bakr. But when he asked, “Why should we accept this deal which is so humiliating to our religion?” the Prophet (SAW) replied, “I am the servant of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His Messenger; I will never disobey His command, and He will never forsake me.”56

Then ‘Umar realized that his haste to oppose the treaty was a mistake. He used to say, “I kept giving charity, fasting, praying and freeing slaves because of what I had done and said on that day, until I hoped that ultimately it would be good for me (because it made me perform so many good deeds).”57

When the Prophet (SAW) had ratified the treaty, he commanded his Companions to get up, slaughter their sacrificial animals, and shave their heads, but none of them got up 58 . He told them three times to do this, but not one of them responded. He went to his wife Umm Salamah, and told her what he was facing from the people. At this point the wisdom and intelligence of Umm Salamah become quite clear: she told him, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), go out and do not speak to any of them until you have sacrificed your animal and shaved your head.”

The Prophet (SAW) took her advice, and did as she suggested. When the Sahaabah saw that, they rushed to sacrifice their animals, pushing one another aside, and some of them began to shave one another’s heads, until they were almost fighting with one another because of their distress and grief, and their regret for having disobeyed the Prophet (SAW).59

After that, the Muslims came back to their senses, and they understood the Prophet (SAW)’s great wisdom in agreeing to this treaty, which in fact was a manifest victory, because many more people entered Islam after it than had before. In Sahih Muslim it states that the ayah, (Verily We have granted you a manifest Victory) (Qur’aan 48:1) referred to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah.

The Prophet (SAW) sent for ‘Umar and recited this ayah to him. ‘Umar said, “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), it is really a victory?” He said, “Yes,” so then ‘Umar felt at peace.60

She encourages her husband to spend for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa)

Another way in which the true Muslim woman supports her husband is by encouraging him to spend and give charity for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), and not to waste money in extravagance and ostentatious purchases, as we see so many ignorant and misguided women doing.

The alert Muslim woman always wants goodness and success for her husband, so she urges him to do good deeds, and to do more of them, because she believes that by doing this, she will increase her honor in this world and her reward in the next.

One of the beautiful stories narrated about a woman’s encouraging her husband to spend for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) is the story of Umm al-Dahdah. When her husband came to her and told her that he had given in charity the garden in which she and her children used to live, in hopes of receiving a bunch of dates 61 in Paradise, she said, “You have got a good deal, you have got a good deal.” The Prophet (SAW) commented, “How many bunches of dates Abu’l-Dahdah will have in Paradise!” and he repeated this several times.62

She helps him to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa)

One of the qualities of the good Muslim wife is that she helps her husband to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) in different ways, especially to stay up and pray at night (qiyaam al-layl). By doing this, she does him an immense favor, because she reminds him to do something he might otherwise forget or neglect. Thus she causes him, and herself, to be covered by the mercy of Allah.

What a beautiful picture the Prophet (SAW) drew of the married couple helping one another to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and do good deeds, and entering into the mercy of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) together. This comes in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RAA), who said:

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: ‘May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray, and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”63

She fills his heart with joy

The clever and sensitive Muslim woman does not forget that one of the greatest deeds she can do in life, after worshipping Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), is to be successful in endearing herself to her husband and filling his heart with joy, so that he will feel in the depths of his heart that he is happy to be married to her, and enjoys living with her and being in her company. So she uses her intelligence to find ways and means of opening his heart and filling it with joy and happiness, so that she may become the queen of his heart. She understands that she is the greatest joy of a man in this world, as is stated in the hadeeth narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (RAA), in which the Prophet (SAW) said:

“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.”64

She does not forget that she is the greatest joy in this life for a man, if she knows how to endear herself to him. If she does not know how to endear herself to him then in most cases she will be a source of unhappiness and misery to her husband, as was confirmed by the Prophet (SAW) :

“Three things make the son of Adam happy, and three make him miserable. Among the things that make the son of Adam happy are a good wife, a good home and a good means of transport; the things that make him miserable are a bad wife, a bad home and a bad means of transport.”65

Hence being a good wife, and endearing oneself to one’s husband, are a part of religion, because this offers protection to a man by helping him to remain chaste, and strengthens the foundations of the family, thus bringing happiness to her husband and children.

The Muslim woman by nature likes to endear herself to her husband; in doing so she finds a way of fulfilling her femininity and her inclinations to make herself attractive. But for the Muslim woman, the matter goes even further: in seeking to win her husband’s heart, she is also seeking to earn the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), Who has made being a good wife a part of religion, about which she will be questioned in the Hereafter. So she does not spare any effort in her loving treatment of her husband: she presents a pleasing appearance, speaks pleasantly and kindly, and is a clever and likeable companion.

She makes herself beautiful for him

She makes herself beautiful for her husband by means of make-up, clothing, etc., so that she will appear more beautiful and attractive, and thus make her husband happy. This was the practice of the righteous women of the salaf, who used to devote their time to worshipping Allah and reading Qur’aan. Foremost among them were ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) and others; they used to wear fine clothes and jeweler at home and when they were traveling, in order to make themselves look beautiful for their husbands.

Bakrah bint ‘Uqbah came to ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) and asked her about henna. ‘A’ishah said, “It comes from a good tree and pure water.” She asked her about removing body hair, and she said, “If you have a husband, and you could remove your eyes and replace them with something better, then do it.”66

Let those careless women who neglect their appearance in front of their husbands listen to the advice of ‘A’ishah, and realize that their beauty should be primarily for their husbands, not for their friends and peers. Those women who are failing to make themselves beautiful for their husbands are sinners, because they are falling short in one of the greatest duties of marriage. Their negligence may be the cause of their husbands staying away from them and looking at other women.

The wife whose husband only ever sees her with unkempt hair, looking pale and wan and wearing shabby old clothes, is a foolish and disobedient wife. It will be of no help to her if she rushes to beautify herself only when receiving guests, or going to a women’s party, but remains looking shabby most of the time in front of her husband. I think that the Muslim woman who is truly guided by the teachings of Islam will be safe from such shortcomings, because she treats her husband properly, and a woman who treats her husband properly is most unlikely to fail in fulfilling her duty towards him.

It is one of the teachings of Islam that a woman should make herself look beautiful for her husband, so that her husband should only ever see of her that which he likes. So it is forbidden for a woman to dress in mourning for more than three days, except in the case of her husband’s death, when she is permitted to mourn for four months and ten days. We find proof of this in the hadeeth narrated by Al-Bukhaari from Zaynab the daughter of Umm Salamah, who said, “I came to Zaynab bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet (SAW) when her brother died. She called for perfume and applied it to herself, then said, “I am not wearing perfume because I need to, but because I heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) say from the minbar:

“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day to grieve for more than three days, except for her husband, (for whom she may grieve) four months and ten days.”67

She is cheerful and grateful when she meets him

One of the ways in which the Muslim woman makes herself attractive to her husband is by being happy, cheerful, friendly and gentle, thus flooding her husband’s life with joy. When he comes home exhausted from his work, she greets him with a smiling face and kind words.

She puts her own concerns to one side for a while, and helps him to forget some of his worries. She appears as cheerful and serene as she can, and expresses her gratitude to him every time he does something good for her.

The true Muslim woman is fair-minded, and is never ungrateful to any person, because the teachings of her religion protect her from falling into the error of bad behavior and ingratitude for favors. How then could she be ungrateful to her husband, her beloved lifelong companion?

She knows well the teaching of the Prophet (SAW) : “He does not thank Allah who does not thank people.”68

She understands from this that every person who does good deeds and favors deserves thanks and recognition, so how could she hesitate or fail to show gratitude to her husband, especially when she hears the words of the Prophet (SAW) :

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will not look at the woman who does not thank her husband at the time when she cannot do without him.”69

She shares his joys and sorrows

Another of the ways in which a woman may endear herself to her husband is by sharing his joys and sorrows. So she joins him in some of his pastimes, and his daily work, such as reading, exercise, and attending useful talks and gatherings, and so on, so that her husband will feel that he is not alone in his enjoyment of the good things in life, but that he is sharing these pleasures with a loving, intelligent and loyal wife.

The fact that the Prophet (SAW) raced with ‘A’ishah more than once indicates the fact that Islam urges both spouses to share their partner’s joy and happiness in life, because this sharing will have a powerful effect in deepening their feelings for one another and strengthening the bonds between them.

Just as she shares his joys, so she also shares his worries and concerns, and comes to him with kind words of consolation, mature and sensible advice and sincere emotional support.

She does not look at other men

The true Muslim woman avoids looking at men other than her husband; she does not stare at men who are not related to her (i.e. who are not her mahrams), in obedience to the command of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa): (And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze . . .) (Qur’aan 24:31).

By refraining from looking at other men, she will be one of those chaste women who restrain their glances, which is a quality men like in women, because it is indicative of their purity, decency and fidelity. This is one of the most beautiful characteristics of the chaste, decent, pure Muslim woman, and this was referred to in the Qur’aan when it speaks of the women of Paradise and their qualities that are loved by men:

(In them will be [Maidens] chaste, restraining their glances, whom no man or jinn before them has touched.) (Qur’aan 55:56)

She does not describe other women to him

Another of the characteristics of the intelligent Muslim woman is that she does not describe any of her (female) friends or acquaintances to him, because this is forbidden according to the words of the Prophet (SAW) :

“No woman should talk about another woman, or describe her to her husband (so that it is) as if he sees her.”70

Islam wants people’s hearts to be at peace, and to put a stop to provocative thoughts and overactive imaginations, so that people may live their lives in a decent and calm fashion, free from such thoughts and able to go about the tasks and duties for which they were created. No man should let his mind be occupied with cheap thoughts of the contrast between his wife and the woman she describes, or let himself become crazy with the embellishments his own imagination may add to the woman’s supposed beauty. He should not let such foolish talk stop him from going about his work and usual pastimes, or lead him to temptation and make him go astray.

She tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility for him

The Muslim woman does not only make herself beautiful for her husband and share his work and pastimes, but she also tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility in the home. So she tries to keep a clean and tidy home, in which he will see order and good taste, and clean, well-mannered, polite children, and where good meals are prepared regularly. The clever woman also does whatever else she can based on her knowledge and good taste. All of this is part of being a good Muslim wife as enjoined by Islam.

The true Muslim woman does not forget that according to Islam marriage is one of the signs of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). Islam has made the wife a source of tranquility, rest and consolation for her husband: And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21)

Marriage is the deepest of bonds which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) ties between one soul and another, so that they may enjoy peace, tranquility, stability and permitted pleasures.

The wife is a source of refuge, security and rest for her husband in a marital home that is filled with sincere love and compassionate mercy. The truly-guided Muslim woman is the best one to understand this lofty meaning and to translate it into a pleasant and cheerful reality.

She is tolerant and forgiving

The Muslim woman is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking any errors on the part of her husband. She does not bear a grudge against him for such errors or remind him about them every so often. There is no quality that will endear her to her husband like the quality of tolerance and forgiveness, and there is nothing that will turn her husband against her like resentment, counting faults and reminding him about his mistakes.

The Muslim woman who is following the guidance of Islam obeys the command of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa): (. . . Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you?. . .) (Qur’aan 24:22)

Such a woman deserves to be the queen of her husband’s heart and to fill his soul with joy and happiness.

She is strong in character and wise

Among the most prominent characteristics of the Muslim woman are her strength of character, mature way of thinking, and serious conduct. These are qualities which the Muslim woman possesses both before and after marriage, because they are the result of her understanding of Islam and her awareness of her mission in life.

She exhibits this strength of character when she is choosing a husband. She does not give way to her father’s whims if he has deviated from the right way and is seeking to force her into a marriage that she does not want. Neither does she give in to the man who comes to seek her hand in marriage, no matter how rich or powerful he may be, if he does not have the qualities of a true Muslim husband.

After marriage, her character remains strong, even though she is distinguished by her easy-going nature, mild-tempered behavior and loving obedience to her husband. Her strength of character comes to the fore especially when she has to take a stand in matters concerning her religion and ‘aqeedah, as we have seen in some of the narratives referred to previously, such as Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who insisted on adhering to Islam along with her son Anas, although her husband Malik ibn al-Nadar remained a mushrik, opposed to his wife being Muslim (see p. 166-168); and Umm Habibah bint Abi Sufyan who remained steadfast in her Islam when her husband ‘Ubayd-Allah ibn Jahsh al-Asadi became an apostate and joined the religion of the Abyssinians (see p. 98-101); and Barirah who was determined to separate from her husband whom she did not love, even though the Prophet (SAW) tried to intervene on his behalf (see p. 162-163); and the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, who demanded a divorce from her husband whom she did not love either, and the Prophet (SAW) accepted her request (see p. 162).

The primary motive of these women in taking up such a strong stance was their concern to adhere to Islam, to keep their belief (‘aqeedah) pure, and ultimately to please Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).

Each of them was seeking that which is halaal in her married life, and feared committing any haraam deed, either because she was married to a man who did not share her religious beliefs, or she was falling short in her duties towards a husband whom she did not love or could not live with. If it were not for their strength of character and feelings of pride in themselves and their faith, they would have followed the commands of the misguided husbands and would have found themselves going astray, choking on the misery of living with a husband they could not truly accept. The courage of these women shows how the true Muslim women should be, no matter where or when she lives.

But the Muslim woman’s strength of character should not make her forget that she is required to obey her husband, treating him with honor and respect. Her strength of character should make her strike a wise balance in the way she speaks and acts towards him, with no inconsistency or carelessness. Even in those moments of anger which are unavoidable in a marriage, she should control herself and restrain her tongue, lest she say anything that could hurt her husband’s feelings. This is the quality of a strong, balanced character.

‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) represents the highest example of this good quality, and every Muslim woman should follow her example. The way in which she swore an oath when she was happy with her husband, the Prophet (SAW) , was different from the way she spoke when she was upset with him. This is an example of good manners and respect. It was something that the Prophet (SAW) noticed, as she narrated that he said:

“I know when you are happy with me and when you are upset with me.” She said, “How do you know that?” He said, “When you are happy with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ and when you are upset with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Ibrahim.’” She said, “Yes, that is right. By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I only keep away from your name.”71

What refined manners and sincere love!

‘A’ishah’s strength of character became even more prominent when she was tried with the slander (al-ifk) which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) made a test for His Messenger and for all the ummah, raising the status of some and lowering that of others, increasing the faith of those who were guided and increasing the loss of those who went astray. Her strength of character and deep faith in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) became apparent, and her trust in Him alone to prove her innocence was quite clear. I can find no more beautiful description of the deep and sincere faith of ‘A’ishah and her trust in the justice of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), than that given by Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, who said:

“The test was so severe that the Revelation ceased for a month because of it, and nothing at all concerning this issue was revealed to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) during that time, so that the wisdom behind what had happened might become completely apparent and the sincere believers might be increased in faith and adherence to justice and might think well of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), His Messenger, the Messenger’s family and those believers who spoke the truth. The munafiqun, meanwhile, would be increased only in sins and hypocrisy, and their true nature would be exposed to the Prophet (SAW) and the believers. ‘A’ishah, the one who had spoken the truth, and her parents would be shown to be true servants of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) who had received His full blessing. Their needs for Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and desire to draw closer to Him would increase; they would feel humble before Him and would put their hope and trust in Him, instead of hoping for the support of other people. ‘A’ishah would despair of receiving help from any created being, and she passed this most difficult test when her father said, ‘Get up and thank him,’ after Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had sent down a Revelation confirming her innocence. She said, ‘By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), I will not get up and thank him; I will only give thanks to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) Who has revealed my innocence.’

“Another aspect of the wisdom behind the Revelation being suspended for a month was that people would focus solely on this issue and examine it closely; the believers would wait with eager anticipation to hear what Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would reveal to His Messenger concerning this matter. The Revelation came like rain on parched land, when it was most needed by the Messenger of Allah (SAW) and his family, by Abu Bakr and his family, by the Sahaabah and by the believers, and it brought them great relief and joy. If Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had revealed the truth of the matter from the first instant, then the wisdom behind this event would have been obscured and a great lesson would have been lost.

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) wanted to demonstrate the status of His Prophet (SAW) and his family in His sight, and the honor which He had bestowed upon them. He Himself was to defend His Messenger and rebuke his enemies, in such a way that the Prophet (SAW) had nothing to do with it. Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) alone would avenge His Prophet (SAW) and his family.

“The Messenger of Allah (SAW) was the target of this slander, and the one who was accused was his wife. It was not appropriate for him to declare her innocence, although he knew that she was indeed innocent, and never thought otherwise. When he asked people to avenge him of those who had spread the slander, he said: ‘Who could blame me if I were to punish those who slandered my family? By Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), I have never known anything but good from my family, and they have told me about a man from whom I have never known anything but good, and he never came in my house except with me.’ He had more proof than the believers did of ‘A’ishah’s innocence, but because of his high level of  patience, perseverance and deep trust in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), he acted in the appropriate manner until the Revelation came that made his heart rejoice and raised his status, showing to his ummah that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) was taking care of him.

“Whoever examines ‘A’ishah’s response, when her father told her to get up and thank the Messenger of Allah (SAW), and she said, ‘No, I will give thanks only to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa),’ will realize the extent of her knowledge and the depth of her faith. She attributed this blessing to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) alone, and gave thanks only to Him. She had a sound grasp of Tawhid, and demonstrated great strength of character and confidence in her innocence. She was not curious or anxious about the outcome when she spoke thus, because she was sure that she had done nothing wrong. Because of her faith in the Prophet (SAW)’s love for her, she said what she said. She became even dearer to him when she said, ‘I will not give thanks except to Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), for He is the One Who has revealed my innocence.’ She displayed remarkable maturity and steadfastness when her dearly beloved husband, whom she could not bear to be apart from, kept away from her for a month; then when the matter was resolved and he wished to come back to her, she did not rush to him, despite her great love for him. This is the highest level of steadfastness and strength of character.”72

It is indeed the highest level of maturity and strength of character. The true Muslim woman is humble, kind, loving and obedient towards her husband, but she does not allow her character to weaken before him, even if he is the most beloved of all people towards her, and the most noble and honorable of all human beings, so long as she is in the right and is adhering to the way of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) set the highest example of the strength of character of the Muslim woman who is proud of her religion and understands what it is to be a true servant of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) alone.

The Muslim woman should interpret ‘A’ishah’s attitude as an attitude of superiority or arrogance, pushing her husband away. We have already explained the duties of the Muslim woman towards her husband i.e., obedience, loving kindness and seeking to please him, in accordance with Islamic teachings. What we learn from the attitude of ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) is the esteem and honor with which Islam regards woman, so long as she adheres to the laws and teachings of Islam. This is what gives her character strength, pride, honor and wisdom.

Islam gives women rights and recognition which are envied by Western women when they hear about women’s rights in Islam (see p. 92), This has been freely admitted by women’s liberation activists in Arab countries, as we have seen (see p. 58). Many of them have retracted their claims that Muslim women need to be liberated; one such activist is Dr. Nawaal El-Saadawi, who was interviewed for the Kuwaiti newspaper al-Watan (mid-August 1989).

Dr. El-Saadawi was asked, “Do you think that the European women are an example to be copied?” She replied, “No, not at all. European women have advanced in some fields, but are backward in others. The marriage laws in Europe oppress women, and this is what led to the development of women’s liberation movements in those countries and in America, where this movement is very strong and is even at times quite vicious.”

Then she remarked: “Our Islamic religion has given women more rights than any other religion has, and has guaranteed her honor and pride, but what has happened is that men have sometimes used certain aspects of this religion to create a patriarchal class system in which males dominate females.”

Clearly this patriarchal oppression mentioned by Dr. El Saadawi, which has led to the oppression of women, has been caused by ignorance of the true teachings of Islam.

She is one of the most successful wives

This discussion of the intellectual, psychological and other qualities of the smart Muslim wife demonstrates that she is a successful wife, if not the most successful wife and the greatest blessing and good fortune that a man may enjoy.

By virtue of her understanding of Islamic teaching, and her fulfilling her duties towards her husband, she becomes the greatest joy of her husband’s life: when he comes home, she greets him with a warm and friendly smile, speaking kindly and sweetly, looking attractive and smart, with a clean and tidy house, pleasant conversation, and a table full of good food, pleasing him and making him happy.

She is obedient, kind and loving towards her husband, ever eager to please him. She does not disclose his secrets or upset his plans. She stands beside him at times of hardship, offering her support and wise advice. She shares his joys and sorrows. She endears herself to him by the way she looks and behaves, and fills his life with joy and happiness. She encourages him to obey Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) in different ways, and motivates him by joining him in different activities. She respects his mother and family. She refrains from looking at other men. She keeps away from foolish and worthless talk. She is keen to provide an atmosphere of peace, tranquility and stability for her husband and children. She is strong of character without being rude or aggressive, and is kind and gentle without being weak. She earns the respect of those who speak to her. She is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking errors and never bearing grudges.

Thus the Muslim wife deserves to be the most successful wife. She is the greatest blessing that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) may bestow upon a man, and an incomparable source of joy in this life. The Prophet (SAW) indeed spoke the truth when he said:

“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman.”73

The muslim woman and her husband

Source : http://www.tamilislam.com/ENGLISH/human_rights/THE%20MUSLIM%20WOMAN%20AND%20HER%20HUSBAND.htm

Footnotes: 1. Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr. 2. See Fath al-Bari, 9/194, Kitab al-nikah, bab ikrah al-bint ‘ala al-zawaj; Ibn Majah, 1/602, Kitab al-nikah, bab man zawwaja ibnatahu wa hiya karihah; al-Mabsut 5/2. 3. Fath al-Bari, 9/395, Kitab al-talaq, bab al-khul’. 4. Fath al-Bari, 9/408, Kitab al-talaq, bab shafa’at al-Nabi (r) fi zawj Barirah. 5. A hasan hadith narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/274, Abwab al-nikah, 3; and by Ibn Majah, 1/633, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-akfa’. 6. Reported by al-Nisa’i with a sahih isnad, 6/114, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-tazwij ‘ala’l-Islam. 7. Fath al-Bari, 7/476, Kitab al-maghazi, bab ghazwat Khaybar. 8. See Fath al-Bari, 7/71, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab manaqib ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib; Sahih Muslim, 17/45, Kitab al-dhikr wa’l-du’a', bab al-tasbih awwal al-nahar wa ‘ind al-nawm. 9. See Fath al-Bari, 9/319, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-ghirah. 10. Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzar; the men of its isnad are rijal al-sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 9/4, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah. 11. A hasan sahih hadith, narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, in Abwab a-rida’, 10. 12. Reported by al-Bazzar with a hasan isnad. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/308, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah. 13. Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisa’i with jayyid isnads, and by al-Hakim, who said that its isnad was sahih. See al-Mundhiri, Al-Targhib wa’l-Tarhib, 3/52, Kitab al-nikah. 14. Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; its narrators are thiqat. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/306, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah. 15. Ibn Majah, 1/595, Kitab al-nikah, bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah; al-Hakim, 4/173, Kitab al-birr wa’l-silah; he said its isnad is sahih. 16. Reported by al-Tabarani. Its narrators are those whose reports are accepted as sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/312. 17. Fath al-Bari, 9/294, Kitab al-nikah, bab idha batat al-mar’ah muhajirah firash zawjiha; Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim imtina’ al-mar’ah min firash zawjiha. 18. Sahih Muslim, 10/7, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim imtina’ al-mar’ah min firash zawjiha. 19. A sahih hadith narrated by al-Tabarani in al-Awsat and al-Kabir. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/296, bab fi man yad’u zawjahu fa ta’talla. 20. Reported by al-Bazzar, whose narrators are rijal al-sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/312. 21. A hasan sahih hadith narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, abwab al-rida’, 10, and by Ibn Hibban, Sahih, 9,473, kitab al-nikah. 22. Sahih Muslim, 9/178, Kitab al-nikah, bab nadab man ra’a imra’atan fa waqa’at fi nafsihi ila an ya’ti imra’atahu. 23. Reported by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih, 12/178, Kitab al-ashribah, 2, fasl fi’l-ashribah. 24. Reported by al-Hakim, 2/190, Kitab al-nikah; he said its isnad is sahih. 25. Fath al-Bari, 9/295, Kitab al-nikah, bab la ta’dhan al-mar’ah fi bayt zawjiha li ahad illa bi idhnihi. 26. Sahih Muslim, 7/115, Kitab al-zakah, bab ajr al-khazin wa’l-mar’ah idha tasaddaqat min bayt zawjaha. 27. Al-Bukhaari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/327, Kitab al-’iddah, bab nafaqah al-awlad wa’l-aqarib. 28. Al-Bukhaari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/327, Kitab al-imarah wa’l-qada’: bab al-ra’i mas’ul ‘an ra’iyatihi. 29. See Sahih Muslim, 16/81, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab min fada’il nisa’ Quraysh. 30. Tawaf al-ifadah is one of the important rites of Hajj. It is done on the tenth day of Dhu’l-Hijjah after sacrificing an animal and shaving one’s head. [Translator] 31. Sahih Muslim, 8/99, kitab al-Hajj, bab istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram. 32. Fath al-Bari, 3/585, Kitab al-Hajj, bab al-tib. 33. Sahih Muslim, 8/100, kitab al-Hajj, bab istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram. 34. Sahih Muslim, 8/100, kitab al-Hajj, bab istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram. 35. Sahih Muslim, 3/208, Kitab al-hayd, bab jawaz ghusl al-ha’id ra’as zawjiha wa tarjiluhu. 36. Fath al-Bari, 1/403, Kitab al-hayd, bab mubashirah al-ha’id; Sahih Muslim, 3/209, Kitab al-hayd, bab jawaz ghusl al-ha’id ra’as zawjiha. 37. Reported as sahih by Ibn Hibban, and with a jayyid isnad by al-Bazzar; its narrators are well-known and are thiqat. See Ibn al-Jawzi, Ahkam al-nisa’, p. 311. 38. Jamharah khutab al-’arab, 1/145. 39. Fath al-Bari, 3/328, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-zawj wa’l-aytam fi’l-hijr; Sahih Muslim, 7/86, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib. 40. Fath al-Bari, 3/325, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib. 41. Fath al-Bari, 3/325, Kitab al-zakat, bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib; Sahih Muslim, 2/65, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan naqsan al-iman bi naqs al-ta’at. 42. Fath al-Bari, 1/83, Kitab al-iman, bab kufran al-’ashir. 43. Reported by Ahmad, 3/428; its narrators are rijal al-sahih. 44. Al-tabaqat al-kubra, 7/208-209. 45. Sahih Muslim, 16/11, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm Sulaym. 46. See Sahih Muslim, 16/11, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm Sulaym. 47. From a lengthy hadith narrated by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim. See Fath al-Bari, 5/116, Kitab al-mazalim, bab al-ghurfah wa’l-’aliyyah al-mushrifah; Sahih Muslim, 7/195, Kitab al-siyam, bab bayan an al-shahr yakun tis’an wa ‘ishrin. 48. A hasan sahih hadith, reported by Tirmidhi, 2/329, abwab al-talaq, 11; Ibn Hibban, 9/490, Kitab al-nikah, bab ma’ashirah al-zawjayn. 49. Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab al-nikah, bab tahrim ifsha’ sirr al-mar’ah; Al-targhib wa’l-tarhib, 3/86, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-tarhib min ifsha’ al-sirr bayna al-zawjayn. 50. The story of the Prophet (SAW)’s keeping way from his wives is narrated by al-Al-Bukhaari, Muslim and others. See Fath al-Bari, 5/116, kitab almazalim, bab al-ghurfah wa’l-aliyyah al-mushrifah, and 8/656, kitab al-tafsir, Surat al-Tahrim; Sahih Muslim, 7/195, Kitab al-siyam, bab bayan an al-shahr yakun tis’an wa ‘ishrin. 51. See Fath al-Bari, 2/162, Kitab al-adhan, bab man kana fi hajah ahlihi. 52. Fath al-Bari, 1/23, Kitab bad’ al-wahy, bab hadith ‘A’ishah awwal ma bada’a bihi al-wahy; Sahih Muslim, 2/197, Kitab al-iman, bab bad’ al-wahy. 53. Al-sirah, 1/254. 54. Ibid., 1/257. 55. Al-Bukhaari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah, 14/155, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab manaqib Khadijah. 56. Al-Sirah, 3/331; see also Fath al-Bari, 6/281, Kitab al-jizyah wa’l-mawadi’ah, bab hadith Sahl ibn Hanif; Sahih Muslim, 12/141, Kitab al-jihad wa’l-siyar, bab sulh al-Hudaybiyah. 57. Al-Sirah 3/331. 58. The Prophet (SAW) was telling his Companions to end the state of ihram which they had entered in order to perform ‘Umrah. They had been prevented from entering Makkah, and were to wait until the following year to perform ‘Umrah, but they did not want to abandon their hope of performing ‘Umrah on this occasion. They did not want to accept the deal that had been struck with the Quraysh, hence they were reluctant to end their ihram. [Translator] 59. Zad al-Ma’ad, 3:295, al-Tabari, 2/124. 60. Sahih Muslim, 12/141, Kitab al-jihad wa’l-siyar, bab sulh al-Hudaybiyah. 61. See Sahih Muslim, 8/33, Kitab al-jana’iz, bab al-lahd wa nasab al-laban ‘ala’l-mayit. 62. Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; its narrators are rijal al-sahih. See also Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 9/324, Kitab al-manaqib, bab ma ja’a fi Abi’l-Dahdah. 63. Reported by Abu Dawud, 2/45, in Kitab al-salah: bab qiyam al-layl, and by al-Hakim 1/309, Kitab salah al-tatawwu’; he said that it is sahih according to the consitions of Muslim. 64. Sahih Muslim, 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr. 65. Reported by Ahmad, 1/168; its narrators are rijal al-sahih. 66. Ibn al-Jawzi, Ahkam al-Nisa’, 343. 67. Fath al-Bari, 9/484, Kitab al-talaq, bab ihdad al-mutawafa ‘anha zawjuha. 68. Reported by Al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/310, Bab man la yashkur al-nas. 69. Reported by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, 2/190, Kitab al-nikah; he said it is a hadith whose isnad is sahih. 70. See Fath al-Bari, 9/338, Kitab al-nikah, bab tabashir al-mar’ah al-mar’ah fatana’atha li zawjiha. 71. See Sahih Muslim, 15/203, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm al-Mu’minin ‘A’ishah. 72. Zad al-Ma’ad, 3/261-264. 73. Sahih Muslim, 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.

Hunaydah ibn Khaalid narrated upon the authority of his wife who said: “Some of the wives of the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam told me that the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam used to fast the Day of 3Aashoorah, the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah, and three days out of every month*….” (1)

(*13th, 14th, and 15th of every month)

Imaam An-Nawwawee said with reference to fasting the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah: “It is extremely preferable to do so”.

Shaykh 3Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy upon him) was asked about fasting the first [nine] days of Dhul-Hijjah?

He replied: “Fasting the first [nine] of Dhul-Hijjah is from the righteous actions without doubt. And the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam said,“There are not any days in which righteous actions are done that are more beloved to Allaah than these ten days.” They said, “Oh Messenger of Allaah, not even jihaad in Allaah’s cause?”

He said: “Not even jihaad in Allaah’s cause,Except for a man who left out with his self and his wealth, and he did not return with either.”

So fasting is included in the general context of this hadeeth. And there appears a hadeeth stating that the Messenger of Allaah sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam used to fast the first ten of Dhul-Hijjah, not counting the 3Eed [in other words, the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah].

And Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal rahimahullaah takes this position and it is authentic.Fasting in the first ten [of Dhul-Hijjah, excluding the 3Eed] is sunnah. Yes.”

Shaykh Salih Al-Munajjid says: “It is Sunnah for the Muslim to fast on the first nine days of Dhul-Hijjah, because the Prophet sallAllaahu 3Alayhi wa sallam encouraged us to do righteous deeds in the first ten days of Dhu’l-Hijjah, and fasting is one of the best of deeds, which Allaah has chosen for Himself as it says in the hadeeth qudsee: “Allaah says: ‘All the deeds of the son of Adam are for him, except fasting, which is for Me and I shall reward for it.” ( 2) (3)

Making up Missed Ramadaan Fasts & 10 Days of Dhul-Hijjah:

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-3Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about combining making up a missed obligation and doing something that is mustahabb (such as fasting the day 3Aashoora’ which coincides with making up a missed Ramadaan fast)?

He replied: “With regard to obligatory and voluntary fasts, what is prescribed in sharee3ah and what makes sense is to start with the obligatory fasts and then do the naafil ones, because the obligatory fast is a debt which must be paid. But if a person observes a voluntary fast before making up what he owes then the correct view is that his voluntary fast is valid so long as there is still enough time to make up the missed fasts, because a person may make up missed Ramadaan fasts so long as there is still enough time for him to do so before the next Ramadaan comes.

But if he has the intention of fasting this day to make up for a missed Ramadaan fast, he will have two rewards – one for the day of 3Arafah or 3Ashoora’ and another for making up the missed fast. (4)

References:

(1) Ahmad, An-Nasaa’ee

(2) Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1805.

(3) http://islamqa.com/en/ref/49042

(4) Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn 3Uthaymeen, 20/438

[http://islamqa.com/en/ref/41901]

Every once in a while I come accross an article which really strikes me and leaves a strong impression.. This one did… maybe because my household really needs this information and to IMPLEMENT IT not just understand its value.  I hope that this will help many other people as well, and in the end it will not only make life more productive, but easier, healthier and happier for all.  Time is a thing that once gone cannot come back so we need to make the best use of what God gave us. 

Many people who struggle with waking up early, realize that how and when they slept the night before has an impact on their morning routines the next day. This is why we advocate the importance of not just a morning routine, but a productive night routine as well! The sleep routine is derived from the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) and what he used to do before he sleeps (Peace be upon him). Check out the sleep routine here: http://bit.ly/sle-ep

Given that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) was THE most productive man that ever lived, I think emulating him and his habits day and night would go a long way to helping us become more productive inshaAllah!

Image via Wikipedia

 My name is Cassie, I am 23 years old. I graduated as a qualified nurse this year and was given my first position as a home nurse.

 My patient was an English gentleman in his early 80′s who suffered from Alzheimer’s. In the first meeting  with the patient  I was given his record and from it could see that he was a convert to the religion of Islam, therefore he was a Muslim.

I knew from this that I would need to take into account some modes of treatment that may go against his faith, and therefore tried to adapt my care to meet his needs. I brought in some ‘halal’ meat to cook for him and ensured that there was no pork or alcohol in the premises as I did some research which showed that these were forbidden in Islam.

My patient was in a very advanced stage of his condition so a lot of my colleagues could not understand why I was going to so much effort for him, but I understood that a person who commits to a faith deserves that commitment to be respected, even if they are not in a position to understand.

Anyway, after a few weeks with my patient I began to notice some patterns of movement. At first I thought it was some copied motion he’s seen someone do, but I saw him repeat the movement at particular times; morning, afternoon, evening.

The movements were to raise his hands, bow and then put his head to the ground. I could not understand it. He was also repeating sentences in another language, I couldn’t figure out what language it was as his speech was slurred but I know the same verses were repeated daily. Also there was something strange, he didnt allow me to feed him with my left hand {I am lefthanded}.

Somehow I knew this linked to his religion but didn’t know how.

One of my colleagues told me about paltalk as a place for debates and discussions and as I did not know any Muslims except for my patient I thought it would be good to speak to someone and ask questions. I went on the Islam section and entered the room ‘True Message.  Here I asked questiones regarding the repeated movements and was told that these were the actions of prayer; I did not really believe it until someone posted a link of the Islamic prayer on youtube. I was shocked.

A man who has lost all memory of his children, of his occupation, and could barely eat and drink was able to remember not only actions of prayer but verses that were in another language.

This was nothing short of incredible and I knew that this man was devout in his faith, which made me want to learn more in order to care for him the best I could.

I came into the paltalk room as often as I could and was given a link to read the translation of the Quran and listen to it. The chapter of the ‘Bee’ gave me chills and I repeated it several times a day. I saved a recording of the Quran on my iPod and gave it to my patient to listen to, he was smiling and crying, and in reading the translation I could see why. I applied what I gained from paltalk to my care for my patient but gradually found myself coming to the room to find answers for myself.

I never really took the time to look at my life; I never knew my father, my mother died when I was 3, me and my brother were raised by our grandparents who died 4 years ago, so now it’s just the two of us.

But despite all this loss, I always thought I was happy; content.

It was only after spending time with my patient that felt like I was missing something. I was missing that sense of peace and tranquility my patient, even through suffering, felt. I wanted that sense of belonging and a part of something that he felt, even with no one around him. I was given a list of mosques in my area by a lady on paltalk and went down to visit one. I watched the prayer and could not hold back my tears. I felt drawn to the mosque every day and the imam and his wife would give me books and tapes and welcome any questions I had. Every question I asked at the mosque and on paltalk was answered with such clarity and depth that could do nothing but accept them. I have never practiced a faith but always believed that there was a God; I just did not know how to worship Him.

One evening I came on paltalk and one of the speakers on the mic addressed me. He asked me if I had any questions, I said no. He asked if I was happy with the answers I was given, I said yes. He asked then what was stopping me accepting Islam, I could not answer. I went to the mosque to watch the dawn prayer and the imam asked me the same question, I could not answer. I then went to tend to my patient.  As I was feeding him and as I looked in his eyes I realized– he was brought to me for a reason and the only thing stopping me from accepting was fear…. not fear in the sense of something bad, but fear of accepting something good, and thinking that I was not worthy like this man.

That afternoon I went to the mosque and asked the imam if I could say my declaration of faith, the Shahadah.

He helped me through it was I was shown how to pray and guided through what I would need to do next.

I cannot explain the feeling I felt when I said it. It was like someone woke me up from sleep and sees everything more clearly. The feeling was overwhelming joy, clarity and most of all…. peace.

The first person I told was not my brother but my patient. I went to him, and before I even opened my mouth he cried and smiled at me. I broke down in front of him, I owed him so much. I came home logged on to paltalk and repeated the shahadah for the room. They all helped me so much and even though I had never seen a single one of them, they felt closer to me then my own brother.

I did eventually call my brother to tell him and although he was wasn’t happy, he supported me and said he would be there; I couldn’t ask for any more.

After my first week as a Muslim my patient passed away in his sleep while I was caring for him. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajayoon. He died a peaceful death and I was the only person with him. He was like the father I never had and he was my doorway to Islam.

From the day of my Shahadah to this very day and for every day for as long as I live, I will pray that Allah shows mercy on him and grant him every good deed I perform in the tenfold.

I loved him for the sake of Allah and I pray each night to become an atoms weight of the Muslim he was.

Islam is a religion with an open door; it is there for those who want to enter it…. Verily Allah is the Most Merciful, Most Kind.

* Note * Our sister Cassie passed away October 2010 Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajayoon, after she gave dawa to her brother, who had accepted Islam

Elhamdulileh.

May Allah swt grant sister Cassie Paradise Ameen Ya Rabb!

“When you sit with People of the Dunya (This World), you become a drop in their ocean, but when you sit with People of the Akhira (The Hereafter), the dunya becomes a drop in your ocean.”

Wassalaam

A Sermon by Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (radi Allahu anhu) on Sincerity and drawing Lessons

Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (radi Allahu anhu) gave a speech once and started it with praising Allah and thanking Him, then said:

“Verily, Allah does not accept deeds except those which were performed for the Sake of His Face only. Therefore, seek Allah’s Face by your actions. Know that whatever action you do with sincerity to Allah is an act of obedience that you performed, a good share that you earned, a duty that you fulfilled, and a reserve that you keep from perishable days to everlasting days. At that time you will be most in need and in anticipation (for these good deeds).”

 O slaves of Allah! Draw a lesson from those who died before you. Think about those who lived before you. Where were they yesterday? Where are they today? Where are the tyrants who were noted for the wars they waged and earned victories in battle? Time has eliminated them and they disintegrated to dust. The only things that remain from them are their evil statements, and verily, evil statements are for evil people and evil people are for evil statements. Where are the kings who ruled on the earth and inhabited it? They have become a thing of the past and their memory has been forgotten. They have become nothing. Yet, Allah, the Exalted and Most Honored, has kept for them the evil burden of their deeds, but ended their streak of lusts. They perished, but the deeds they committed remained theirs even though the world has become for others. We were created after them, so if we draw lessons from their fate we will attain deliverance. Otherwise, if we were deceived by all of this, we will earn a fate similar to theirs.

 There are the bright faces of those who were deceived on account of their youth? They have turned into dust, but what they committed of shortcomings remained with them as cause for sorrow. Where are those who built cities, fortified them with walls and collected wonders? They left all this for those who came after them; there you see the remains of their cities, they have not been inhabited after them. Meanwhile, they are in the darkness of graves: {“Can you find a single one of them or hear even a whisper of them?”} (19:98)

Where are those whom you knew among your forefathers and brethren? Their lifetimes came to an end and they joined their deeds and actions. They are residing after they died either in the dwelling of happiness or misery.”

 “Verily, Allah is One and has no partners in worship. There is no tie of kinship between Him and any of His creation that warrants granting goodness or fending off evil on account of that kinship. There is only the obedience of Allah and abiding by His Commandments. Know that you are subservient slaves (of Allah) and that what He has can only be earned through obeying Him. Is it not time for one of you that the Fire be taken away from him, while Paradise is not made far from his reach?”

[Al-Bidayah wan-Nihayah, by Al-Hafiz Ibn Kathir, and At-Tarikh, by At-Tabari, vol. 3, p. 311]

Article written by Muhammad Alshareef.

Ashaab As-Sabt – the people of Saturday. They were a townsfolk from Bani Israel who were tested with the Sabbath, the day when they were to leave their worldly affairs and be devout to Allah. All week long they would go fishing with scant return. But on Saturdays, when they were required to put aside their activities, the fish would come in abundance. A test from Allah!

“Ask them (O Muhammad) concerning the town standing close by the sea. Behold! they transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath (i.e. Saturday). For on the day of their Sabbath their fish did come to them, openly holding up their heads, but on the day they had no Sabbath, they came not: thus did We make a trial of them, for they were given to transgression.” (Surah Al Araf 7:163)

A group of the townsfolk transgressed, not satisfied with Allahs commandments devising a scheme to by-pass the commandment. They would put out their fishing nets on Friday, and then on Sunday they would come and pick the nets up. Now all the Saturday fish would be caught.

The townsfolk divided into 2 groups when they saw the grave evil and sin that was befalling. The first group tried to advise the transgressors and warn them of the horrific consequences of their action – commanding the good and forbidding the evil.

Thinking they had no responsibility for what was taking place, the other group just went about minding their own business, holding that Allah would eventually destroy the sinners.

And when a community among them said, “Why do you preach to a people whom Allah is about to destroy or to punish with a severe torment?”

Listen carefully to the reply of the first group.

“When some of them said: “Why do you preach to a people whom Allah will destroy or visit with a terrible punishment?”- said the preachers: “To discharge our duty to your Lord, and perchance they may fear Him.”" (Surah Al Araf 7:164)

So the first group spoke out against the disobedience that was taking place for two reasons: One, so that they would be pardoned before Allah because they tried to hold back the transgressors. And two, so that perhaps the transgressors may hear the reminder and turn back to Allah. It was only this group that survived.

“When they disregarded the warnings that had been given them, We rescued those who forbade Evil; but We visited the wrong-doers with a grievous punishment because they were given to transgression. When in their insolence they transgressed (all) prohibitions, We said to them: “Be ye apes, despised and rejected.”" (Surah Al Araf 7:165-166)

In one sweeping night, the punishment rained down and they were transfigured into pigs and monkeys.

Dear brothers and sisters, it is the nature of a human being to feel the need to do good or feel the drive to indulge in evil. Even if we were to be alone, deserted and secluded, we would still feel a drive to do good or indulge in evil.

But as for our ummah, it should of our characteristic to only do good. And we should not only do good ourselves, but we must encourage others to do good; we must be the driving force. And we should not only distance ourselves from vice, but we must forbid others from doing it also, we must be the obstacle.

Dear brothers and sisters, if we all had Muslim identification badges, and the badge was valid, the description that would go on the badge would read: This man/woman commands the good and forbids evil, for this is how Allah described us.

“Ye (true believers in Islam) are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah…” (Surah Ali Imran 3:110)

Good and evil. When it comes to encouraging one or the other, there are two groups of people. The first are those who encourage others to do good and advise them to stop the evil they may be committing. These are the muminoon and muminaat, the believing men and women, the ones that shall be favored by Allah’s Mercy:

“The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just (al-maruf), and forbid what is evil (al-munkar): they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Apostle. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” (Surah Al Tawbah 9:71)

The second group of people are those who encourage others towards evil and stop them whenever they see them doing acts of virtue. These are the munaafiqoon and munaafiqaat, the hypocrite men and women who Allah shall shun.

“The Hypocrites, men and women, (have an understanding) with each other : They enjoin evil (al-munkar), and forbid what is just (al-maruf), and are close with their hands. They have forgotten Allah; so He hath forgotten them. Verily the Hypocrites are rebellious and perverse.” (Surah Al Tawbah 9:67)

The Quran tells us that the winners, those that attain success, are those Muslim men and women who command the good and forbid the evil. And Allah teaches us that He cursed nations before us because they lost this characteristic of encouraging good and forbidding evil:

“Curses were pronounced on those among the Children of Israel who rejected Faith, by the tongue of David and of Jesus the son of Mary: because they disobeyed and persisted in excesses. Nor did they (usually) forbid one another the iniquities which they committed: evil indeed were the deeds which they did.” (Surah Al Maidah 5:78-79)

When a nation fails in their duty to command the good and forbid the evil, their invocations will cease to be accepted. Rasul Allah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

“(I swear) by He who holds my soul in His Hands, you shall indeed command the good, and you shall indeed forbid the evil, otherwise Allah shall rain down upon you a punishment. Then you shall attempt to invoke Him and your (invocations) shall be unanswered” (An authentic hadith narrated by Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)

Our Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam, lived his entire life commanding the good and forbidding evil. Abdullah ibn Salam narrates the scene of when he, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, first arrived in Madinah and the very first words he said to the Ansar and Muhaajireen as they gathered to see his noble face sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam:

“When Rasul Allah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam came to Madinah, the people raced to greet him. I went in the crowd to see him and when I saw his face I knew that that face was not the face of a liar. The first thing he said when he spoke was, O people, spread salam, feed the hungry, and pray at night when others are sleeping – you will enter Jannah in peace’” (An authentic hadith narrated by Ibn Majah)

Our Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam would command the good and forbid the evil in all categories of the community. We see him with the young Muslims advising them, as in the following hadith where Umar bin Abu Salama said,

“I was a boy under the care of Allahs Apostle and my hand used to go around the dish while I was eating.

So Allahs Apostle said to me, O boy! Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the dish what is nearer to you.” Since then I have applied those instructions when eating.’” (Sahih Muslim, Book #65, Hadith #288)

And our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam would encourage good amongst the Muslim women.

 As Zainab, the wife of Abdullah (b. Masud) reported that the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: “0 women, give sadaqa even though it be some of your jewellery.” (Sahih Bukhari, Book #005, Hadith #2188)

Even if it came to his own wives, our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam would forbid.

Aisha radi Allahu anha herself narrates that she once said to him, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, “Watch out for Safiyyah!” Meaning that she was short.

So Allahs Messenger sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “You said a word that if it were to be mixed with (all) the water of the sea it would overcome (the water)”

Aisha said that after that that she would never have loved to mention someone (in a manner that they would dislike) no matter what anyone would give her. (Narrated by Abu Dawood)

This is what the deen is all about – encouraging the good and forbidding the evil. This is what the early Muslims pledged allegiance to.

Ubada bin as-samit radi Allahu anhu narrated: “Allahs Apostle said to us while we were in a gathering,

“Give me the oath (Pledge of allegiance for):

(1) Not to join anything in worship along with Allah,

(2) Not to steal,

(3) Not to commit illegal sexual intercourse,

(4) Not to kill your children,

(5) Not to accuse an innocent person (to spread such an accusation among people),

(6) Not to be disobedient (when ordered) to do good deeds.”

The Prophet added: “Whoever amongst you fulfill his pledge, his reward will be with Allah, and whoever commits any of those sins and receives the legal punishment in this world for that sin, then that punishment will be an expiation for that sin, and whoever commits any of those sins and Allah does not expose him, then it is up to Allah if He wishes He will punish him or if He wishes, He will forgive him.” So we gave the Pledge for that.”

(Sahih Bukhari, Book #89, Hadith #320)

Allah’s Messenger sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam gave us a parable that we should never forget in this issue of commanding the good and forbidding the evil.

As An-Numan bin Bashir radi Allahu anhu narrates, the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:

 ”The example of the person abiding by Allahs order and restrictions in comparison to those who violate them is like the example of those persons who drew lots for their seats in a boat. Some of them got seats in the upper part, and the others in the lower. When the latter needed water, they had to go up to bring water (and that troubled the others), so they said, Let us make a hole in our share of the ship (and get water) saving those who are above us from troubling them. So, if the people in the upper part left the others do what they had suggested, all the people of the ship would be destroyed, but if they prevented them, both parties would be safe.”

(Sahih Bukhari, Book #44, Hadith #673)

When someone encourages good and forbids evil he should have certain characteristics:

 1. Knowledge

2. Patience, as Luqman taught his son.

3. Hikmah – having widom

4. Kindness to those whom they are advising.

5. They should be just, not forgetting the good that; that person still has.

The point of commanding good and forbidding evil is not to release some anger in our hearts or to revenge an insult to us. In the end we want the person to receive guidance, something which may require us to swallow our personal pride sometimes. Other times – when the situation calls for it – we may have to hurt someones feelings if that is the only way they can be guided. But it is only the person of ilm (knowledge) and hikmah (wisdom) who can properly measure the situation.

Hurting the feelings of the lay Muslim is not a first resort, nor is public humiliation of someone who came to the masjid for the first time. These are methods of those who have not schooled themselves well in the characteristics of those who call to Allah.

About those who encourage good and forbid evil. Allah says:

“Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is wrong: They are the ones to attain felicity.” (Surah Ali ‘Imran 3:104)

Let’s begin practicing the encouraging of good and the forbidding of evil today. Lets begin with that Muslim in the mirror..

http://khilafatworld.blogspot.com/2010/08/before-boat-drowns.html

I hope this information will give us all some good background information on what an ideal husband or wife should behave like.

1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (SAW) to be conscientious about the fear of Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Nisa v14, Ahzab v69, Aali-Imraan v101) from the Quraan. All the verses are common in the message of Taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (SAW) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (SAW) replied, control your anger. The same advice was rendered three times. (Mishkaat pg.433; HM Saeed)

3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the center of Jannah. (Ibid pg.412)

4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said: ” and lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey”. (Surah Luqman v19)

5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (SAW) said, ‘A Mu’ min is a mirror for a Mu’min.’ (Abu Dawud vol.2 pg.325; Imdadiyah) Advise with dignity and silently.

6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (SAW) said: “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” (Mishkaat pg.429; HM Saeed)

7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner:Nabi (SAW) confirmed the advice of Salman to Abu-Darda [RA] for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai Hadith2391)

8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr [RA] resolved his dispute with his wife over-feeding the guests before going to bed. (BukhariHadith 602)

9. At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.’ (Abu Dawud pg.662; Karachi)

10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘All the sons of Aadam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.’ (Tirmidhi Hadith 2499)

No, polygamy in Islam is a permission not an injunction.

Historically, all the prophets except Jesus, who was not married, had more than one wife. For Muslim men to have more than one wife is a permission which is given to them in the Quran, not to satisfy lust, but for the welfare of the widows and the orphans of the wars.

In the pre-Islamic period, men used to have many wives. One person had 11 wives and when he became Muslim, he asked the Prophet Muhammad (P), “What should I do with so many wives?” and he said, “Divorce all except the four.” The Quran says, “you can marry 2 or 3 and up to 4 women if you can be equally just with each of them” (4:3).

Since it is very difficult to be equally just with all wives, in practice, most of the Muslim men do not have more than one wife. Prophet Muhammad (P) himself from age 24 to 50 was married to only one woman, Khadija.

In the western society, some men who have one wife have many extramarital affairs. Thus, a survey was published in “U.S.A. Today” (April 4, 1988 Section D) which asked 4,700 mistresses what they would like their status to be. They said that “they preferred being a second wife rather than the ‘other woman’ because they did not have the legal rights, nor did they have the financial equality of the legally married wives, and it appeared that they were being used by these men.”

From the series most common question asked by non muslims, feel free to share the full album, copy paste this link your status. http://on.fb.me/f3SpKp

Some of us celebrate it with great devotion and diligence, while some of us are against it with an equally great vengeance. Some say it is our religious duty while others say it is nothing but bid’ah.

People argue about it. Families split up, friends forsake each other. And sometimes people literally fight over it and hurt one another.

So what is it that I am talking about?

I am talking about celebrating the birthday of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam), the Mawlid or Milad, as some of us say. Yes, the 12th of Rabi-ul-Awwal came and went. But, ever wondered….. what is the reality regarding the celebration of the birth of our beloved Prophet anyway?  Let’s examine the facts.

First of all, whenever a Muslim is faced with a problem or confusing situation, what are we supposed to do? Allaah tells us:

“O you who believe! Obey Allaah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allaah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allaah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination” [Nisaa’:59]

Referring it to Allaah and His Messenger means to turn to Allaah’s Book and the Sunnah of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam).

1. What does the Qur’aan say about the Mawlid?

Nothing. Yes that’s right…..NOTHING.

There is absolutely nothing in the Quraan that tells us to celebrate the birthday of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam). Not one single ayah.

You see, all acts of worship are tawqeefi which means that they are not subject to personal opinion and it is not permissible to do any acts of worship except those which are approved by Shareeah.

So, for example, I cannot pick a special day or time, say the 22nd of every month, and start celebrating that day as a form of worship.

Why?

Because there is nothing in the Shareeah that permits me to do that.

Also, I cannot start praying three rakaah for Fajr from tomorrow, even if I want to worship Allaah more, because Fajr Salah is only two rakaat as commanded upon us by the Shareeah.  And similarly, if there is no order for us to celebrate the birthday of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam), then we dont.  In fact, the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: “Whoever innovates anything in this matter of ours (i.e., Islam), that is not part of it will have it rejected.” (Bukhaari).

Now someone might argue that we dont celebrate the Mawlid/Milad as an act of worship.  So let’s see what other evidences we have.

2. What does the Sunnah say about it?

Again, there is nothing in the Sunnah of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) that shows us that the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) EVER celebrated his birthday or that of his wives, children, or Sahaabah.  There is not a single hadeeth that tells us that he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) thought this day was significant enough to celebrate it.

Just think…..if there was any good in doing so, wouldnt he would have done so himself and wouldnt he have ordered the Sahaabah to do so?  And obviously, it is not possible that he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) forgot to tell us about it, Aoodhu billaah!

Did the Sahaabah celebrate the Mawlid/Milad?  The Sahaabah were witnesses to the revelation of the Quraan.  They had the Prophet right in front of their eyes.  They ate, drank, sat, slept, talked, walked, lived with the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam).  If they misunderstood anything or were mistaken, the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) immediately corrected them. And thus, their understanding and practice of Islaam was the best.

Yet, when we look at the lives and practice of the Sahaabah, we find that none of them EVER celebrated the birth of their beloved Prophet, whether during his life or even after he passed away.

Not Abubakr, not Umar, not Uthman, not Ali, nor Aaishah, Ibn Umar, Ibn Masud, Talha, Az-Zubair, not a single Sahaabi.  Doesn’t that prove anything?

The Sahaabah absolutely loved the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam). They gave up their homes, families, lives, everything they had… for his sake, in the blink of an eye. Yet this love did NOT promote them to celebrate his birth.

This love translated into the practical application of his teachings and NOT picking the 12th of Rabi-ul-Awwal as a day of celebration.

What about the Four Imaams and other Ulama?

Did any of the Imaams – Abu Haneefah, Maalik, al-Shaafi’i, Ahmad, al-Hasan al-Basri, do this or command others to do it or say that it was good? No. In fact, it was not even mentioned during the first and best three centuries.  The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: “The best of mankind are my generation, then those who come after them, then those who come after them. (Bukhaari, Muslim and al-Tirmidhi).  And if the ‘best of mankind’ didnt celebrate his birth, then we shouldnt either.

Actually, the celebration of the Prophet’s birthday appeared many centuries later. By this time, many of the features of true religion had disappeared and bid’ah had become widespread.

Think about it!

Can it be possible that the Sahaabah, the Imaams and the people of the best three centuries were unaware of the importance of celebrating the birthday of the Prophet or that they were lacking in their love for him?

And it was only those who came later who were aware of it or loved him more?!!! How can that be?!!

Actually, dear brother/sister in Islaam, TRUE love of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) is shown and proven by following the guidance that he brought. So follow his Sunnah to the best of your ability and don’t fall into innovated forms of worship. It is nothing but a trap of the Shaytaan.

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘If you (really) love Allaah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Aal ‘Imraan 3:31)

And remember the words of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) when he said:

“The best of speech is the Book of Allaah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad. The most evil of things are those which are newly-invented (in religion), and every innovation (bid’ah) is a going astray.”

(Muslim and al-Nisaai).

Time:  where does it go???  In the past few years, time has become a rare commodity; it runs- sometimes flys- away and we are left running after it to catch as much of it as we can.  At the end of the day we ask ourselves, “what have I accomplished?!”  ”Have I done something new or learned something different from the day before?”  I once read in a book that we should not leave one day to be the same as the day before it.  We should always strive to improve ourselves; learn something new, take care of the poor, visit lonely friends or family, strengthen the bonds of relatives, spread some good news and refrain from spreading bad.

Some of us take classes to learn how to better manage the precious time that we have in order to increase our productivity or simply, our enjoyment of time– OF LIFE!  Therefore, when I came across this post I felt it’s too good to not share.  Also, as an ending note; I will never forget how Siraj Wahaj told us in a conference how he used to even read a small mus-haf during the one minute at traffic lights.. he has gone thru several of those small Quran mashallah… what a great example for us to follow.

Life is short and it’s transitory. We to make the most of now – that is, make the mostevery minute possible. Hence, got a list of things that can be done in one minute, by the permission of ALLAH (SWT), and would like to share the same list with you – 25 things to do in 25 minutes everyday (and maybe more times in a day too!) and would love it if you could ADD TO THE LIST as well under comments:

 

1. In one minute you can recite Surah al-Faatihah 3 times, reciting rapidly (yet clearly) – silently or aloud. The hasanahs one can gain, not to mention, the right Guidance from ALLAH, are incomparable rewards to anything we can get from this material world.

 

2. In one minute you can recite Surah al-Ikhlas (Qul Huwa Allaahu Ahad) 20 times, reciting rapidly (yet clearly) – silently or aloud. Reciting it once is equivalent to one-third of The Qur’an. The rewards for this are well-known.

 

3. You can read one page of The Qur’an in one minute.

 

4. You can memorize a short Aayah from The Qur’an in one minute.

5. In one minute you can say Laa ilaaha ill-Allah wahdahu laa shareeka lah, lahu’l-mulk wa lahu’l-hamd wa huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in qadeer (There is no god except ALLAH (SWT) alone with no partner; to Him be dominion and praise, and He is Able to do all things) – 20 times.

 

6. In one minute you can say Subhaan Allaahi wa bi hamdihi (Glory and praisebe to ALLAH (SWT)) 100 times to ask for forgiveness from ALLAH (SWT).

 

7. In one minute you can say Subhaan Allahi wa bi hamdihi Subhaan Allaahil-’Azeem (Glory and praise be to ALLAH (SWT), glory be to ALLAH (SWT) the Almighty) 50 times. These are two phrases which are light on the lips, heavy in the balance and beloved to the Most Merciful, as was narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.

 

8. The Prophet (peace and blessings of ALLAH (SWT) be upon him) said:”When I say ‘Subhaan-Allaah wa’l-hamdu Lillah, wa laa ilaah ill-Allaah,wa-allahu akbar (Glory be to ALLAH (SWT), praise be to ALLAH (SWT), there is no god except ALLAH (SWT), and ALLAH (SWT) is Most Great)’, this is more beloved to me than all that the sun rises upon.” (Narrated in Muslim). In one minute, you can say all of these words more than 18 times. These words are the most beloved words to ALLAH (SWT), the best of words, and they weigh heavily in the balance of good deeds, as was narrated in the saheeh ahaadeeth.

 

9. In one minute you can say, Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah (ther eis no strength and no power except with ALLAH (SWT)) more than 40 times. This is one of the treasures of Paradise, as was narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.They are a means of putting up with difficulties and of aiming to achieve great things.

 

10. In one minute you can say Laa ilaaha ill-ALLAH (SWT) approximately 50 times. This is the greatest word, for it is the word of Tawheed, the good word,the word that stands firm.

 

11. In one minute you can say Subhaan ALLAH (SWT) wa bi hamdih, ‘adadakhalqihi, wa ridaa nafsihi, wazinata ‘arshihi, wa midaada kalimaatihi (Glory and praise be to ALLAH (SWT), as much as the number of His creation, as much as pleases Him, as much as the weight of His Throne and as much as the ink of His words) more than 15 times.

 

12. In one minute you can seek the forgiveness of ALLAH (SWT) several times by saying “Astaghfir-ALLAH (SWT) (I seek the forgiveness of ALLAH (SWT)).The virtues of seeking forgiveness are no secret, for it is the means of attaining forgiveness and entering Paradise, and it is the means of being granted a good life, increasing one’s strength, warding off disasters, making things easier, bringing rain and increasing one’s wealth and children.

 

13. You can say a few brief, productive and concise words in one minute to someone, and ALLAH (SWT) may bring about some good through them that you could never imagine.

 

14. In one minute you can send blessings on the Prophet (peace and blessings of ALLAH (SWT) be upon him) 50 times by saying Sall-Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam(May ALLAH (SWT) bless him and grant him peace).

 

15. In one minute you can motivate your heart to give thanks to ALLAH (SWT),to love Him, to fear Him, to put hope in Him, to long for Him, and thus travel through the stages of ‘uboodiyyah (total enslavement to ALLAH (SWT)). You could do this when you are lying on your bed or walking in the street.

 

16. In one minute you can read more than two pages of a useful book that iseasy to understand.

 

17. In one minute you can uphold the ties of kinship by calling a relativeon the phone.

 

18. You can raise your hands and recite any du’aa’ you wish from the booksof du’aa’, in one minute.

 

19. You can say salaams to and shake hands with a number of people in one minute.

 

20. You can forbid an evil action in one minute.

 

21. You can enjoin something good in one minute.

 

22. You can offer sincere advice to a brother in one minute.

 

23. You can console someone who is depressed in one minute.

 

24. You can remove something harmful from the road in one minute.

 

25. Making the most of one minute motivates you to make the most of other periods that would otherwise be wasted.

 

Your contributions are awaited! More Good Deeds and Practical Tips to follow more consistently

Image via Wikipedia

They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them

By Sheikh Salman al-Oadah

Allah says: “It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the on the night of the fasts. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them…” [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 187]

Allah chose to use the word “clothing” rather than any other word to describe the special relationship between a man and his wife. Allah made the man clothing for the woman and the woman clothing for the man. The word “clothing” as used in this context is rich with meaning. It would be quite difficult to express in words every subtlety that it conveys. We shall try, however, to consider a few of the ideas that this word expresses.

1. The word “clothing” in its most literal sense is what immediately covers the body with no barrier in between.

2. The word clothing connotes the idea of equality, complementarity, and support of both a psychological and physical nature. The man has his role and the woman has hers. The woman cannot be construed as merely a vehicle to fulfill the man’s desires. She is a human being, equal to the man. Each of them is as clothing to the other in every aspect of life.

3. Clothing implies adornment and beautification. Allah says: “Take your adornment to every mosque.” [Sûrah al-A`raf: 31] A man and woman are an adornment and beautification for each other.

Ibn `Abbâs said: “Indeed, I like to dress up for a woman in the same way as I like it for a woman to dress herself up for me. This is because Allah says: ‘And they have upon you similar rights to those you have upon them in good dealings.’ And I do not like to exact from her every right to which I am entitled, since Allah says: ‘and for the man there is a degree over them’.” [Tafsîr al-Tabarî (1/625)]

Some of this beauty is of a physical kind, for a person sees in the one he truly loves beauty that others do not see.

Some of this beauty is also of an intangible nature. Faithfulness and enduring friendship are a part of faith, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said.

A woman adorns herself with her husband when she speaks about him to her friends. She can tend to embellish her account, claiming that he loves her so much, honors her so much, and gives her so much… even when the truth is far short of all that.

4. Clothing conveys the meaning of covering and concealment. Allah says: “O children of Adam! We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your shame and as an adornment.” [Sûrah al-A`râf: 26]

A husband and wife screen each other from falling into sin by fulfilling one another’s needs in a lawful manner.

Likewise, they conceal from others their intimacy. They do not disclose to others the details of their physical relationship nor the secrets that they share between them nor the little problems that they have with each other. They do not allow the personal life that they share together become the topic of public discourse.

5. Clothing implies cleanliness and purity. This is why Allah commands us saying: “And your clothing, purify it.” [Sûrah al-Mudaththir: 4]

This dispels the notion that some people have that the marital relationship is somehow a “dirty” thing. There are those who disdain even talking to any length about marriage and what it entails in Islam, because of the bad feelings they have about the topic.

Allah made the institution of marriage the practice of the Prophets: “Indeed we sent Prophets before your time and provided for them wives and children.” [Sûrah al-Ra`d: 38]

It was the way of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He said quite clearly to those of his followers who wanted to become overly ascetic: “By Allah! I am the most God-fearing among you, and yet I both fast and break my fast; I both pray and sleep; and I marry women. Whoever wishes for a way other than my way is not of me.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Clothing is something clean and decent and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

6. Clothing is a sign of wealth and self-sufficiency. In marriage, the husband and wife fulfill each others needs. Allah says: “And those who safeguard their private parts, except from their wives and those whom their right hands possess.” [Sûrah al-Mu’minûn: 5-6]

7. Clothing is a pleasure and a delight. Indeed, Allah has made clothing one of the pleasures of Paradise. He says: “Their clothing therein shall be of silk” [Sûrah Fâtir: 33] “And they shall wear therein green garments of fine silk and brocade.” [Sûrah al-Kahf: 31]

Marriage should indeed be a garment of pleasure. It should bring pleasure to the body and to the soul. It should bring about inner balance and alleviate tension and anxiety. Those who are denied this often suffer from depression, worry, and emotional instability.

8. Clothing provides protection, shelter, and warmth. Allah says: “…and He has made for you garments that protect you from the heat and coats of mail that protect you in battle.” [Sûrah al-Nahl: 81]

Allah says about David (peace be upon him): “And we taught him the fashioning of suits of armor to protect you in battle.” [Sûrah al-Anbiyâ’: 80]

The Prophet (peace be upon him), after he bathed, used to sometimes warm himself with his wife `Â’ishah. She relates to us: “Sometimes the Prophet (peace be upon him) would bathe after having intercourse and then come to me for warmth. I would hold him to me without having taken a bath.” [Sunan al-Tirmidhî]

9. Clothing implies peace and tranquility. Allah says: “And we have made the night a clothing.” [Sûrah al-Naba’: 10]

A husband and wife should find in one another peace and tranquility.

This is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave his first wife Khadîjah glad tidings of a house in Paradise made of reeds wherein there would be no turmoil or discomfort.

Abû Hurayrah relates the following:

Gabriel came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allah! Khadîjah is bringing a vessel containing broth or food or drink. When she comes to you, greet her with peace on behalf of my Lord and of myself and give her glad tidings of a house in Paradise made of reeds wherein there would be no turmoil or discomfort.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

Scholars have commented that the reason she was given glad tidings of such a peaceful house in Paradise is that her home on Earth was like that. It was not like most other homes wherein shouting was commonplace and arguments were frequent and marital problems were rife.

10. Clothing covers a person’s body, particularly the private areas. In the same way, a wife protects her husband with herself and likewise protects his wealth and children. The husband in turn protects his wife with himself and safeguards her secrets and fulfills her needs.

Allah says: “Righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in their husbands’ absence what Allah would have them guard.” [Sûrah al-Nisâ’: 34]

11. Clothing connotes quality and goodness. Allah says: “Good women are for good men and good men are for good women.” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 26]

12. Clothing conveys the image of something directly touching the skin. It is an intimate bodily contact without any barrier. When the husband and wife have intimate contact, it is as if their bodies take the place of clothing. Symbolically, there is the implication of close proximity and contact throughout their life together.

13. Clothing needs to be kept fresh and clean. It needs to be washed. Likewise the marital relationship between a husband and wife must be refreshed and reinvigorated.

14. Clothing is a personal distinction. Each of us wears his or her own personal clothing. One’s husband or wife has an even greater exclusivity. Allah says: “And those who safeguard their private parts, except from their wives, or those whom their right hands possess.” [Sûrah al-Mu’minûn: 5-6]

15. Clothing provides variety. Who among us would be content with only one suit of clothes? Likewise the marital life should provide variety. This is why when the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked about the limits that Islam imposes upon a husband and wife in their intimate relations, he made it clear that everything between a husband and wife is permitted except for two things: anal sex and sex when the woman is menstruating.

Even then, the Prophet (peace be upon him) informed the husband and wife as to what they could do when she is menstruating. He said: “Engage in everything except sexual intercourse itself.” [Sahîh Muslim]

by I am a Muslim ! on Saturday, January 29, 2011 at 3:11pm

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island ….

He prayed feverishly for Allah to rescue him,and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions.

But then one day, after scavenging for food,he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened;everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.

“Allah, how could you do this to me!” he cried.

(Comment; Plenty of people use such statement — think again you should never qestion Allah nor object to his willing)

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. ”How did you know I was here?” asked the weary man of his rescuers. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly.  But we shouldn’t lose heart, because Allah is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.  Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground–it just may be a smoke signal that summons The Grace of Allah.

Pass this on. You never know who may be in need of this today.

a burning hut

www.islamway.com

Saturday, 29 January 2011 11:21

By Sameera Ansari | Contribution to Saudi Life

Post taken from: (http://saudilife.net/component/content/article/124-marriage/6608-men-women-companions-or-competitors)

A MAN and a woman, from what I can understand, are made to be each other’s companions, to complement each other and complete each other, right? So where and when did this companionship turn into competition? When did one start wanting to be like the other or wanting to control the other to the extent of suffocating the other.

When we are physically, emotionally and mentally different, why do we work so hard at trying to be like each other or expect one to behave like the other rather than accepting these differences and helping each other where required?

If a man imitates a woman he becomes feminine and physically weak… weaker in fact than an average woman. A

nd if a woman imitates a man she loses her feminine side and the tenderness which is, should I say, a woman’s hallmark.

My husband once said something which rang a bell inside me, an alarm in fact. ‘If you and I act and behave the same way then where’s the attraction? It would be like me being with my male friends. Would you be comfortable if I started behaving like you? Just imagine it and see how repulsive you’ll find that to be.’

Allah made the male and female gender for specific roles in society to nurture a strong and stable environment that brings about stable-minded individuals – men and women.

What we are witnessing today is chaos. Either men are overly dominant or men and women are competing to prove each other wrong in the name of equality. The balance is lost. Where is the companionship that we were created for? Why is there such a great desire to control your ‘better half’ – male or female? Why constantly be at war with that one person who should be the one to provide you the most comfort a human can to another?

So who is responsible? Have men pushed women into a corner with their harsh and unfair behavior where they have no option but to retaliate in whatever way they seem fit or have women simply refused to accept their main role in life as a wife and a mother, which leaves little room to be anything else in the world till responsibilities are lessened to some extent.

Both men and women can point all the fingers they want at each other but the bottom line is: both are losing this battle and are forgetting that one’s loss is the other’s loss as well.

Why can’t men and women work together at creating an environment where both feel comfortable? If one is unhappy, it is the duty of the other to make his/her partner happy. Compromising once in a while can make life simpler and easier. It does not mean that one partner is weaker or lesser than the other.

The reason that the divorce rate is so high almost every where in the world is because no one is ready to compromise.

Why can’t we realize that the role and place of a man and a woman in life is different from each other? One fills up what the other lacks in. Each individual deserves to be honored, respected and loved. And only when a husband and a wife start doing that can they make each other’s and their own life a complete one.

Motherhood: The pivot of humanity

By Faraz Omar | Saudi Life

Tuesday, 25 May 2010 09:06

(this article was used from Saudi Life link: http://saudilife.net/life-and-society/92-life-and-society/222-motherhood-the-pivot-of-humanity)

I WILL never forget the 15-day summer Islamic classes I was part of in India in 2005. It was the first time I was teaching a class of toddlers. They were surely going to be different from the older boys I was used to. It was also the first time I would teach girls. That hardly crossed my mind though. Toddlers are all the same (be they boys or girls), was my presumption.

Boy, was I wrong!

A week of classes later, a tiny girl came up to me shyly and handed me a glittery paper that said something like this: “Dear brother Faraz, I like you. Thank you for teaching us Seerah of the Prophet (peace be upon him). With love, so-and-so.”

I was taken aback, spell-bound and totally at loss of words. It was the first time I received such a loving letter. I thanked her a lot and then thought about it the whole day. The following days more and more girls came up with bigger letters that were more decorated and more loving.

The boys? Ha! Good one. Seated on the left-hand-side of the same classroom, they didn’t even bother to know what was happening. Not a word of thanks! All they knew was, “It’s time to play when the bell rings.”

That experience was when I realized, being the typical male I am, how tender the hearts of girls were. That was when I could truly appreciate this creation of Allah. He created males and females with different characteristics – strengths and weaknesses – that would complement each other and suit the roles they were to play. And toddlers are closer to the natural state in which children are born.

The emotional strength, the love and the care a woman is blessed with cannot be fully expressed in words. But it can be felt in the boundless mercy and sacrifice of a mother (and wife).

For nine months she carries the child – a sentence that’s a cliché now, but the miracle certainly not – and she delivers through the pangs and pains of labor – what no macho man on earth will have the strength to bear, let alone be capable.

When the baby arrives in her hands, her pains are forgotten, her struggles are not worthy anymore (in her eyes), because her heart is already with the apple of her eye. She then goes through sleepless nights only so her baby would sleep tight; her comfort and respite is in her baby’s delight; and her sadness is in her baby’s unhappiness. She brings up the baby teaching everything it needs until it’s ready to face the world and contribute to the continuation of humanity.

Social engineering

One of the greatest crimes of our generation – an outrageous blasphemy, a satanic deception – is that the world today doesn’t appreciate women for who they are, for what they do, and for the crucial role they play. Feminism, heavily promoted by the media, has wrecked havoc across countries by redefining the social balance.

Women are expected to become men. You have a job only when you are hired by a company as a worker. So, a homemaker – a full time wife or a fulltime mother – is essentially a “jobless” or “unemployed” woman who “wastes” her skill. Motherhood is not even considered a job. It has become an unworthy trait and a sign of debasement. Women are expected to get out of this “dishonored occupation” for a mirage of success.

Moreover, a woman who – out of necessity or passion for a service that requires her contribution – works for companies is put on a 9-10 hour shift like men, because she has nothing worthy to do back home. Her primary responsibility is shattered. Her husband’s rights are left high and dry. Her own children must be brought up by another woman (maid), which by the way is now a sign of “advancement.”

What has been the result of this media’s onslaught against humanity, this social engineering of society that began in the West in the name of feminism and liberation of women? Nine out of 10 working women in Britain would love to quit their jobs and stay at home taking care of their children if only they could afford it (Daily Mail, 2006); families are a threatened social structure; more children are born out of wedlock, and mostly to young teenagers (which has been significantly controlled by promoting “safe sex” and condoms); and American women are less happier than they were 50 years ago. These are lessons to learn.

As every now and then the masters of this revolution must know the effect of their barrage, a survey was conducted in March 2010 in 25 non-Muslim countries, with the exception of Turkey (which stills comes out as a secular country), to see the attitudes men and women have with regard to the role of women. One out of four said a woman’s place is at home. Men and women equally attested to this. Consider the nature of this poll’s statement. It is much more conservative than, for instance, ‘a woman’s primary responsibility is at home.’ Moreover, the selected countries are the least conservative in the world. This is the result after decades of propaganda. The highest percentage – 54% of men and women who agreed – was from India, a country that will now be specially targeted.

Feminist propaganda is now sweeping across the Muslim world. It calls for vigilance and proactive steps on our part to differentiate between genuinely-needed Islamic reforms and satanic fabrications in the guise of reforms. It calls for localized solutions that addresses women’s issues as well as protects the institution of family.

Mother, O mother!

To set things straight, let me tell you O mother that you are not scum; you are not a jobless woman; and you are definitely not a parasite. But you O mother hold the most important job in the world, though it is not recognized. Do not let them deprive you of this honor. You are unique and there is no substitute for you. You make the family. You serve your husband with a smile. Your occupation raises you to an unchallenged position – a height that no man can ever reach. You are three times more important than the father. You are an entire institution in yourself. You bring out tomorrow’s leaders. You drive the world to the future. Your love is unparalleled. Your life is a jihad. And your death is the death of humanity.

What more can be said of you, O mother, when even Paradise lies at your feet?!

Abdullah ibn Amr (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated the Prophet (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) was asked, “Which people are the best?” He said, “The best people are those whose tongues are truthful and their hearts are Makhmum….They said, “We know the meaning of a truthful tongue, but what is a heart that is Makhmum?” He said, “It’s a heart that is pious and pure with no sin. This heart has no unfairness, no envy and doesn’t hold malice.”

Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi Raajioon

By Asma bint Shameem

Yeah, sure we say this statement when someone dies.  Also some of us may say this sentence when they lose something, suffer a setback or harm.  But………..do you know what it means?

Sure, everyone know that it obviously means To Allaah we belong and to Him is our return.  But thats not what I am talking about.  I mean ….do you REALLY, TRULY understand these words and their implications in a Muslim’s life?  It means …whatever we have is not really ours. It belongs to Allaah.

Take a look around you; everything you see, all that you have and all that there is….in you, on you, around you….belongs to Allaah, alone.  It is Allah Who has given you all the property and goods you possess, and that He is the true Owner of them all.  So the cars that you own, the houses that you live in, the businesses you possess all truly belong to Allaah.  The kids that He blessed you with, the health that He gave you, the time that He has allowed you are all Allah’s property.  Even the bodies we live in and the life that we have belongs to Allaah alone.

“And to Allah belongs the inheritance of the heavens and the earth….” (Surah Aal-Imraan:180)

“The kingdom of the heavens and the earth and everything in them belongs to Allah. He has power over all things.” ( Surat al-Ma’ida: 120)

“Say: ‘To Allah belongs the East and the West…” (Surah al-Baqarah:142)

Now, since everything belongs to Allaah, then we have to include even our souls in that list. The very souls that we think of as our “self”; our “nafs”; our “being” — whatever you want to call it — that very thing that distinguishes you from the rest of the world, belongs to Allaah. It’s not YOURS. In fact, YOU are not YOURS.

You belong to Allaah.  And this is the essence of the concept of  being a servant of Allaah in Islam.  And since He is the true Possessor of everything, and everything is His property, He allots what He wills to whomever He wills…….and then He takes it away. After all, it was Allaah’s to begin with.  So He may give you some thing and then take it back after a while.

He will bless you with a precious child that you love dearly…and then He may take it away.

He will grant you money, honour and status….and then He may take it away.

He will give you youth, vitality and health and then surely He will take it away.

In fact everything you have will only be with you for a very short while.

And then the Owner will claim His Right.

So when Allaah does reclaim what was rightfully His, WHY MOURN OUR LOSSES?

Just like a friend who lends you his book. And then after a few days, he wants it back and you give it back to him…no regrets…..no sorrow….no questions asked.  Similarly, if Allah takes back some of His blessings upon you for some reason….so be it.  Say Alhamdulillaah.  Dont grieve. Be patient. Submit to the will of Allaah, being pleased with His decision for you. For surely He will only do what is best for you.

Just think…..The Owner came and took it back.  Remember….that you are not the real owner…..you were NEVER the real owner to begin with. You only had everything because it was Allah who gave it to you in the first place. If He didnt give it to you, you wouldnt have had it in any way…in fact, you couldn’t have had it.

Remember….man enters into this world empty handed…and leaves it empty handed.

Remember….that everything we have, all the blessings we enjoy, are gifts from Almighty Allah…gifts that we enjoy for a limited period until He takes them away whenever He deems fit.

They are a trust from Allah…a loan to you…to see how you respond to these gifts from Allaah and how you use them….in the obedience of the Almighty, thanking Him and worshipping Him……OR……..to the disobedience to the One Who gave then to you in the first place.

Take note of the words of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) on the occasion of the death of his son, Ibraahim:

Our eyes are filled with tears, our hearts with grief, but we say nothing with our lips except that which pleases Allah…. Verily, to Allah we belong, and to Him we return. (Bukhaari).

And we all know the famous incidence about the companion Abu Talha and his wife when one of the sons died and Abu Talha was not at home. She washed and shrouded him and when Abu Talha came home and asked about his son, she said, “The child is quiet and I hope he is in peace….” (Bukhaari).  {As Abu Talha had just come from a long journey, he was tired and weary.  The last thing that his wife wanted to do was to add to his burden at that moment.  Instead, out of her faith, she kept her sorrow to herself to allow her husband at least that night to recover from his journey.  Notice that she did not lie,, rather stated the truth in such a way as to not alert him.  note: Sakina}

Subhaan Allaah….such patience!  And such Imaan in the statement “Inna lillaahi wa inna ilayhi Raajioon”!  She truly understood its meaning and the affect it should have on her life as a Muslimah, submitting to him and being pleased with whatever He has decreed for her.  She knew that whatever she has, is not truly hers. Rather, it is Allaah’s….and He took back whatever He owns at its appointed time.

And it is because of this Imaan so strong, this understanding, that the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) made dua for them and Allaah blessed them immensely.

“’They (i.e. Abu Talha and his wife) had nine sons and all of them became reciters of the Quran (by heart).” (Bukhaari)

And Allah swt tells us in the Quran that we are not unlike those who have gone before us.  “Be sure we will test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives, but give glad tidings to those who are steadfast, who say when afflicted with calamity: To Allah we belong and to him is our return.’They are those on who (descend) blessings from Allah and mercy and they are the once that receive guidance.” (al-Baqarah:155)

If we knew about the excellence of congregational prayers and the benefits it brings to us and our community we would rush to pray all of our prayers in the Masjid.   Praying together increases the bonds of brotherhood by meeting and greeting on a regular basis, provides the means of knowing the needs or conditions of our neighbors, and uplifts our soul by seeing other people who are performing ibada.  Imagine a person who prays all of his salat in his home, and he rarely goes out except to work.  How then shall his neighbors know he is sick -so that they can visit him; in need of support – so that they can offer help; in need of friendship- so that they can increase their bonds of caring… Secondly, praying in congregation improves our behavior, increases us in knowledge and also faith when we stay for short lectures or group discussions which invariably occur after prayers.

By joining congregational prayers we confirm our presence in the community, become aware of possible activities which our families may enjoy, or provide the community with our own skills and knowledge.  Recently, while looking for a home to purchase, my son made a comment about the house we had just seen, “one of the best selling points of the house is that is is close to a nice masjid.”  I quickly agreed happy that he had thought of this.  Instead of being happy with my comment my children laughed because they meant literally the selling points of THE HOUSE; however, isn’t location a selling point?  I ask that God create or increase the desire among the Muslims to attend masjid for all of their fard prayers especially fajr and isha.

Additionally, let us not forget some hadith about sunna prayers:

1.  Zaid bin Thabit (May Allah be pleased with him)reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “O people! perform your (voluntary) Salat (prayers) in your homes because the best Salat of a man is the one he performs at home, except the obligatory Salat.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].  This hadith shows us that we should offer our fard salat in the masjid and sunna prayers in the home.  This is done for a few reasons; to bless our homes by praying within them, to be an example to the rest of our household to offer salat, and also to prevent our hearts from showing off .

2.  Ibn `Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Observe part of the [Nawafil (voluntary)] Salat (prayers) in your homes. Do not turn your homes into graves.”   [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].  Our homes become as dark graves with no plans of worship and the light which is brought by ibada as well as the blessings upon the home and those who pray within.

Finally, ”The distinguishing factor between kufr and Imaan is the deliberate neglect of Salaat.” (Muslim)  Let us be of those who pray on its time with khushoo (calm focus).

The fact that both, the Qur’an and Sunnah, have laid great stress on the congregational prayer and described its unique excellence, shows that the fard prayer is meant to be offered collectively, and no one in the Islamic community should even think of observing it individually unless one has to do so on the account of a genuine reason. The Qur’an says:

“…and bend down in ruku with those who bend down in ruku.” [Al-Baqarah 2:43]

Arguing from this verse, the commentators are generally of the view that prayer has to be offered collectively. The importance of the congregational prayer in Islam is so great that the Muslims have been enjoined to observe it even in the battlefield where danger to life is extreme. The Qur’an has prescribed the following way:

” And when you, O Prophet, are among the Muslims and are going to lead them in salah (in a state of war), let a party stand behind you, carrying their weapons with them. When they have made their prostrations, they should fall back and let another party of them, who have not yet offered salah, say it with you and they too, should be on guard and keep their weapons with them.” [An-Nisaa 4:102]

The Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, also has greatly stressed the offering of prayer in congregation and described its unique merit and excellence. For instance, he said:

“Nothing is harder on the hypocrites than the Isha and Fajr prayer; had they known of the great rewards that Allah would bestow for those prayers they would never had missed them even if they had to come to the masjid on their knees.” Then he said, “I wish I should tell a Mua’dhin to pronounce the iqamah and appoint someone as Imam in my place, and I should myself go and set fire to the houses of those who do not come out even after hearing the adhan. (Bukhari, Muslim).

“Offering the prayer in congregation carries 27 times greater reward than offering it alone individually.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

According to Sayyidna Anas, Radi-Allahu anhu, the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said: “The person who offers his prayers continuously for 40 days without missing the first takbeer, is granted a two-fold immunity by Allah: immunity from Hell-fire and immunity from hypocrisy. (Tirmidhi)

According to Sayyidna Abdullah bin Masoud, Radi-Allahu anhu, the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said: “O Muslims! Allah has prescribed paths of right guidance for you among which is the offering of the daily prayers in congregation in the masjid, which is the offering of the daily prayers in congregation in the masjid; if you start saying your prayers individually at home, as so-and-so does, you will be forsaking the Sunnah of your Prophet, and if you forsake the Sunnah of your Prophet, you will certainly be going astray.” (Muslim)

According to Ubayy bin Ka’ab, Radi-Allahu anhu, the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said: “If the people come to know of the great rewards and benefits of the congregational prayer, they would never stay back but would rush to the masjid for it. The first row merits the highest reward. Two persons praying together merit greater reward than the same praying individually, the rule being that the bigger the congregation the higher its worth in the Sight of Allah.” (Abu Dawud)

“Give good news to those who go to the masjid in the darkness of the night to offer the prayer in congregation that on the Day of Judgement they will be provided with a perfect light.” (Tirmidhi)

Sayyidna Usman, Radi-Allahu anhu, has reported that he heard the Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, say: “The person who observes the Isha prayer in congregation, will have the reward and blessings of staying up half the night in prayer, and the one who observes the Fajr prayer in congregation will have the reward and blessings of staying up the whole night in prayer.” (Tirmidhi)

Regulations for Making Rows

Utmost care has to be exercised to keep the rows straight and balanced. The Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, has instructed: “Keep your rows straight and balanced in the prayer, for proper alignment is a necessary condition of observing the prayer well.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

The front rows should be filled and completed first. The followers should stand behind the Imam in a balanced way, equally on the right and left, keeping him in the middle in front.

If there is a single follower, he should stand on the right of the Imam with his heels a little behind the Imam. It is undesirable for a single follower to stand behind the Imam in a separate row.

If the followers are more than one, they should invariably stand behind the Imam; it is undesirable for two or more followers to stand beside the Imam on his right or left.

If at the beginning of the prayer, there is only one follower and later on one or more follower joins in, they should either pull the first follower back in the row, or the Imam should step forward and let the followers make a row behind him.

If the front rows are complete, and there is no room for a late comer, he should avoid standing alone behind, but should pull a person back from the front row and make a separate row at the back.

If there is room for a late comer to stand in the front row, it is undesirable for him to stand alone at the back.

If a person who has offered a fard prayer alone, finds that the same fard prayer is being offered collectively, he should join the congregation, unless it is the Fajr, or Asr, or Maghrib prayer; the reason is that no prayer is valid after the Fajr or Asr prayer and Maghrib having 3 rak’ahs cannot be counted as a nafl prayer, for the prayer offered in congregation by the person will have nafl status and not fard, because he has all ready offered his fard prayer individually.

If a person is offering a fard prayer and than finds the same prayer being held in congregation, he should abandon his prayer and join the congregation. If, however, it is the Fajr prayer and he has performed the sajdah of the second rak’ah, or in case of other prayers the sajdah of the third rak’ah, he should complete his prayer independently. If at the end he finds that the congregational prayer is still in progress, he may join it provided it is the Zuhr or Isha prayer only.

If a person had started a nafl prayer and than finds a fard congregational prayer due to begin, he should pronounce salutation after two rak’ahs and join the congregation.

If a person has started the first four sunnah of the Zuhr or Friday prayer, and then finds the Imam standing up for the fard congregational prayer, he should pronounce salutation after two rak’ahs and complete them after observing the fard prayer in congregation.

When Imam has stood up for a fard prayer, the sunnah prayer should not be started. However, in view of the great importance of the sunnah rak’ahs of the Fajr prayer, one may offer them even if there is a hope of gaining a single rak’ah of the fard prayer.

If a fard congregational prayer is in progress, one may observe the sunnah rak’ah, if one so likes, in a place outside the masjid; if this is not possible, one may observe them in a corner of the masjid, away from the congregation; if this is also not possible, the one should join the congregation instead, for it is undesirable to offer a prayer independently in a place here a congregational fard prayer is in progress.

If due to some reason, one is late for a congregational prayer and has no hope of gaining the prayer, one should hasten to the masjid because it is expected that Allah will not deprive rewards and blessings of congregational prayer. Holy Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, has said: “The person who preformed his wudu well, then went to the masjid, and found the prayer to have been preformed already, he will get the same reward from Allah as those who were tended as observed the prayer in congregation without any decrease in there rewards.”

The person who joins the Imam in the ruku position is deemed to have gained that rak’ah; if he joins later, he will have to complete the rak’ahs that he has missed, independently.

For a congregational prayer to be valid, there has to be at least one follower beside the Imam. In the Friday prayer, however, there should be at least two followers beside the Imam.

By:  Ingrid Mattson

There is a great diversity of culture among the approximately 6 million Muslims who live in the United States. The cultural traditions of African-Americans, South Asians, Arabs, Turks, Eastern Europeans and others might influence the way in which any particular Muslim in the United States responds to illness and other life crises. Sacred texts and traditions, particularly the Qur’an and the Sunna-the example of the Prophet Muhammad-are the primary sources for a shared spiritual or religious response to illness among Muslims.

According to the Qur’an, all human beings (“children of Adam”) have been granted dignity by God: “We have dignified the children of Adam, and borne them over land and sea, and provided them with good and pure things for sustenance, and favored them far above a great part of Our creation (Qur’an 17:70).” The Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said that Adam was created in God’s image; dignity and nobility are part of each human’s birthright. Although the Qur’an recognizes that humans are easily tempted, it rejects the notion of original sin. In Islam, humans are not “essentially” sinners, rather, each human is born pure and is inclined towards goodness. In Islamic theology, society bears a heavy responsibility for suppressing and distorting the natural goodness of each human. In the end, however, every person should choose a life of goodness for themselves; this individual act of choice is the key to human dignity, and what raises humans above others of God’s creation.

Although Islam places great emphasis on each person’s individual responsibility to choose right over wrong, it does not recognize individualism in a sociological sense to be a good thing. A sense of responsibility for family, neighbors and community is highly emphasized in Islamic ethics and law. For example, adults are legally responsible in Islamic law for the economic support of their parents if they are in need. In most cases, the same responsibility entails for grown siblings. Muslims are therefore socialized with a strong belief that human society is only possible through mutual support and dependency. Shame is avoided by making assistance to the ill and needy a legal and moral responsibility of others, not an act of charity.

Many verses of the Qur’an, verses that are read and recited throughout the lives of Muslims, urge us to remember that all humans begin their lives helpless and end their lives helpless. As long as we do not deceive ourselves that we are the creators of our own lives, and as long as we remember that all power is a gift from God, we will not become devastated when we lose our strength. “It is God who created you in a state of weakness, then gave you strength after weakness, then after strength, gave you weakness and grey hair. He creates what He wills, and He is the all-knowing, all powerful (Qur’an 30:54).” Dignity is experienced by recognizing our dependence on God, not by projecting a false independence that inevitably will be lost.

In Islam, sickness can be an expiation for sins, an opportunity that God bestows upon those He loves. The Prophet Muhammad said, “Whenever God wills good for a person, He subjects him or her to adversity.” Islamic tradition reports the great suffering and adversity experienced by most prophets, including the Prophet Muhammad, who suffered in his final illness. Dignity, therefore, is not lost by acknowledging or expressing pain and suffering.

Muslims believe in life after death; consequently, a Muslim’s sense of self is not limited to identification with the physical body. Indeed, our identity is not limited even to our intelligence nor our spiritual awareness at the end of our lives-for many people lose control not only over their bodies, but even their minds in their final stages of illness. A Muslim is identified with the choices and actions he or she made throughout his or her life. The Prophet Muhammad taught that the choices we made freely in this life can continue to affect other people, animals, and even the earth as long as the world continues to exist. As we affect and influence earthly life, even after our physical deaths, it is clear that individual human identity can never be reduced to a feeble mind or body.

In addition to these theological positions, there are a number of Islamic practices that reinforces that reinforce the dignity of people who are suffering illness. First, it is not permitted to force any person to experience a treatment they do not want. Islamic tradition narrates that the Prophet Muhammad was angry at his family when they forced him to drink some medicine as he lay weak on his bed in the last days of his fatal illness. Indeed, when he regained some strength for a short time after that, he made his family drink the medicine themselves-to experience how humiliating it is to be forced to take a medicine one does not want.

Islamic law supports the dignity of those who are ill by recognizing their continuing obligation to remember God and worship Him as much as they are able. As long as they are conscious, even the bed-ridden must perform the five daily ritual prayers. If a Muslim is too weak to stand, he or she can sit. If a Muslim is too weak to sit, he or she can lie down. Even a paralyzed Muslim is required to pray by imagining the movements of prayer and moving his or her eyes in the proper direction, at the proper times. By requiring the continued performance of acts of worship, to the extent that a person is able, Islam refuses to allow ill adults to be reduced to the level of children, who lack such obligations. Adults are recognized as essentially competent, as long as they are lucid.

Physical modesty is an important part of Islamic ritual life and Muslim culture. It is very important for health care providers to respect the different norms of modesty Muslim patients may have, in order to preserve their dignity. Many people, not just Muslims, feel uncomfortable waiting in a hospital hallway on a stretcher, covered only by a thin sheet. For many Muslims, however, this degree of exposure is exceedingly abnormal and embarrassing. Allowing a Muslim woman extra time to put a scarf over her hair, or allowing a Muslim patient to use an extra sheet for better concealment of the body can help maintain these patients’ sense of dignity.

Sidney Callahan, “Spirituality, Religious Wisdom, and the Care of the Patient”

Dignity: Introduction

The Yale Journal for Humanities in Medicine

YJHM: An online clearinghouse for manuscripts treating the humanities and medicine

Ingrid Mattson is Professor of Islamic Studies and Christian-Muslim Relations and Director of Islamic Chaplaincy at the Hartford Seminary in Hartford, Connecticut.

Published: July 17, 2002

Narrated Ibn Abbas: When the Prophet came to Medina , he found (the Jews) fasting on the day of ‘Ashura’ (i.e. 10th of Muharram). They used to say: “This is a great day on which Allah saved Moses and drowned the folk of Pharaoh. Moses observed the fast on this day, as a sign of gratitude to Allah.” The Prophet said, “I am closer to Moses than they.” So, he observed the fast (on that day) and ordered the Muslims to fast on it. [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 4, Book 55, Number 609]

“This is a righteous day” – in a report narrated by Muslim, [the Jews said:] “This is a great day, on which Allaah saved Moosa and his people, and drowned Pharaoh and his people.”

“Moosa fasted on this day” – a report narrated by Muslim adds: “… in thanksgiving to Allaah, so we fast on this day.”

According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari: “… so we fast on this day to venerate it.”

A version narrated by Imaam Ahmad adds: “This is the day on which the Ark settled on Mount Joodi , so Nooh fasted this day in thanksgiving.”

“and commanded [the Muslims] to fast on that day” – according to another report also narrated by al-Bukhaari: “He said to his Companions: ‘You have more right to Moosa than they do, so fast on that day.”

The practice of fasting on ‘Aashooraa’ was known even in the days of Jaahiliyyah, before the Prophet’s mission. It was reported that Aaishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “The people of Jaahiliyyah used to fast on that day…”

Al-Qurtubi said: “Perhaps Quraysh used to fast on that day on the basis of some past law, such as that of Ibraaheem, upon whom be peace.”

It was also reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to fast on ‘Aashooraa’ in Makkah, before he migrated to Madeenah. When he migrated to Madeenah, he found the Jews celebrating this day, so he asked them why, and they replied as described in the hadeeth quoted above. He commanded the Muslims to be different from the Jews, who took it as a festival, as was reported in the hadeeth of Abu Moosa (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said: “The Jews used to take the day of ‘Aashooraa’ as a festival [according to a report narrated by Muslim: the day of ‘Aashooraa’ was venerated by the Jews, who took it as a festival. According to another report also narrated by Muslim: the people of Khaybar (the Jews) used to take it as a festival and their women would wear their jewellery and symbols on that day].

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘So you [Muslims] should fast on that day.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari). Apparently the motive for commanding the Muslims to fast on this day was the desire to be different from the Jews, so that the Muslims would fast when the Jews did not, because people do not fast on a day of celebration. (Summarized from the words of al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar – may Allaah have mercy on him – in Fath al-Baari Sharh ‘ala Saheeh al-Bukhaari).

Fasting on ‘Aashooraa’ was a gradual step in the process of introducing fasting as a prescribed obligation in Islam. Fasting appeared in three forms. When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to Madeenah, he told the Muslims to fast on three days of every month and on the day of ‘Aashooraa’, then Allaah made fasting obligatory when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “… observing the fasting is prescribed for you…” [al-Baqarah 2:183] (Ahkaam al-Qur’aan by al-Jassas, part 1).

The obligation was transferred from the fast of ‘Aashooraa’ to the fast of Ramadaan, and this one of the proofs in the field of Usool al-Fiqh that it is possible to abrogate a lighter duty in favour of a heavier duty.

Before the obligation of fasting ‘Aashooraa’ was abrogated, fasting on this day was obligatory, as can be seen from the clear command to observe this fast. Then it was further confirmed later on, then reaffirmed by making it a general command addressed to everybody. It was reported from Ibn Mas’ood that when fasting Ramadaan was made obligatory, the obligation to fast ‘Aashooraa’ was lifted, i.e., it was no longer obligatory to fast on this day, but it is still desirable (mustahabb).

The virtues of fasting Aashooraa

Narrated Ibn Abbas: “I never saw the Prophet seeking to fast on a day more (preferable to him) than this day, the day of ‘Ashura’, or this month, i.e. the month of Ramadan.” [Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 31, Number 224]

The meaning of his being keen was that he intended to fast on that day in the hope of earning the reward for doing so.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “…For fasting the day of ‘Aashooraa’, I hope that Allaah will accept it as expiation for the year that went before.” [Sahih Muslim, Book 006, Number 2602]. This is from the bounty of Allaah towards us: for fasting one day He gives us expiation for the sins of a whole year. And Allaah is the Owner of Great Bounty.

Which day is ‘Aashooraa’ ?

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “ ‘Aashooraa’ and Taasoo’aa’ are two elongated names [the vowels are elongated] as is stated in books on the Arabic language. Our companions said: ‘Aashooraa’ is the tenth day of Muharram and Taasoo’aa’ is the ninth day. This is our opinion, and that of the majority of scholars. This is the apparent meaning of the ahaadeeth and is what we understand from the general wording. It is also what is usually understood by scholars of the language.” (al-Majmoo’)

‘Aashooraa’ is an Islamic name that was not known at the time of Jaahiliyyah. (Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’, part 2, Sawm Muharram).

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“ ‘Aashooraa’ is the tenth day of Muharram. This is the opinion of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyib and al-Hasan.

It was what was reported by Ibn ‘Abbaas, who said: ‘The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to fast ‘Aashooraa’, the tenth day of Muharram.’ (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said, a saheeh hasan hadeeth).

It was reported that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: ‘The ninth,’ and reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to fast the ninth. (Reported by Muslim). ‘Ataa’ reported that he said, ‘Fast the ninth and the tenth, and do not be like the Jews.’ If this is understood, we can say on this basis that it is mustahabb (encouraged) to fast on the ninth and the tenth, for that reason. This is what Ahmad said, and it is the opinion of Ishaaq.”

It is mustahabb (encouraged) to

fast Taasooaa with ‘Aashooraa

Taasooaa = 9th muharram

Aashooraa = 10th muharram

Ibn Abbas reported that when the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) fasted on the day of ‘Ashura and commanded that it should he observed as a fast, they (his Companions) said to him: Messenger of Allah, it is a day which the Jews and Christians hold in high esteem. Thereupon the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: When the next year comes, God willing, we would observe fast on the 9th But the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) died before the advent of the next year. [Sahih Muslim, Book 006, Number 2528]

Al-Shaafa’i and his companions, Ahmad, Ishaaq and others said: “It is mustahabb to fast on both the ninth and tenth days, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) fasted on the tenth, and intended to fast on the ninth.”

On this basis it may be said that there are varying degrees of fasting ‘Aashooraa’, the least of which is to fast only on the tenth and the best of which is to fast the ninth as well. The more one fasts in Muharram, the better it is.

The reason why it is mustahabb to fast on Taasoo’aa’

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The scholars – our companions and others – mentioned several reasons why it is mustahabb to fast on Taasoo’aa’:

1. the intention behind it is to be different from the Jews, who only venerate the tenth day. This opinion was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas…

2. the intention is to add another day’s fast to ‘Aashooraa’. This is akin to the prohibition on fasting a Friday by itself, as was mentioned by al-Khattaabi and others.

3. To be on the safe side and make sure that one fasts on the tenth, in case there is some error in sighting the crescent moon at the beginning of Muharram and the ninth is in fact the tenth.”

The strongest of these reasons is being different from the People of the Book. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade imitating the People of the Book in many ahaadeeth, for example, his words concerning ‘Aashooraa’: ‘If I live until the next year, I will certainly fast on the ninth day.’” (al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 6, Sadd al-Dharaa’i’ al-Mufdiyah ila’l-Mahaarim )

Ibn Hajar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said in his commentary on the hadeeth “If I live until the next year, I will certainly fast on the ninth day”: “What he meant by fasting on the ninth day was probably not that he would limit himself to that day, but would add it to the tenth, either to be on the safe side or to be different from the Jews and Christians, which is more likely. This is also what we can understand from some of the reports narrated by Muslim.” (Fath, 4/245).

Ruling on fasting only on the day of ‘Aashooraa’

Shaykh al-Islam said: “Fasting on the day of ‘Aashoraa’ is an expiation for a year, and it is not makrooh to fast only that day…” (al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 5). In Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj by Ibn Hajar al-Haytami, it says: “There is nothing wrong with fasting only on ‘Aashooraa’.” (part 3, Baab Sawm al-Tatawwu’).

Fasting on ‘Aashooraa’ even if it is a Saturday or a Friday

Al-Tahhaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) allowed us to fast on ‘Aashooraa’ and urged us to do so. He did not say that if it falls on a Saturday we should not fast.

This is evidence that all days of the week are included in this. In our view – and Allaah knows best – it could be the case that even if this is true (that it is not allowed to fast on Saturdays), it is so that we do not venerate this day and refrain from food, drink and intercourse, as the Jews do. As for the one who fasts on a Saturday without intending to venerate it, and does not do so because the Jews regard it as blessed, then this is not makrooh…” (Mushkil al-Aathaar, part 2, Baab Sawm Yawm al-Sabt).

The author of al-Minhaaj said: “ ‘It is disliked (makrooh) to fast on a Friday alone…’ But it is no longer makrooh if you add another day to it, as mentioned in the saheeh report to that effect. A person may fast on a Friday if it coincides with his habitual fast, or he is fasting in fulfilment of a vow, or he is making up an obligatory fast that he has missed, as was stated in a saheeh report.”

Al-Shaarih said in Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj:

“ ‘If it coincides with his habitual fast’ – i.e., such as if he fasts alternate days, and a day that he fasts happens to be a Friday.

‘ if he is fasting in fulfilment of a vow, etc.” – this also applies to fasting on days prescribed in sharee’ah, such as ‘Aashooraa’ or ‘Arafaah. (Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj, part 3, Baab Sawm al-Tatawwu’)

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “It is makrooh to deliberately single out a Saturday for fasting, because of the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Bishr, who reported from his sister: ‘Do not fast on Saturdays except in the case of obligatory fasts’ (reported by Ahmad with a jayyid isnaad and by al-Haakim, who said: according to the conditions of al-Bukhaari), and because it is a day that is venerated by the Jews, so singling it out for fasting means being like them… except when a Friday or Saturday coincides with a day when Muslims habitually fast, such as when it coincides with the day of ‘Arafaah or the day of ‘Aashooraa’, and a person has the habit of fasting on these days, in which case it is not makrooh, because a person’s habit carries some weight.” (Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’, part 2, Baab Sawm al-Tatawwu’).

Fasting ‘Aashooraa’ – for what does it offer expiation?

Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“It expiates for all minor sins, i.e., it brings forgiveness of all sins except major sins.”

Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him):

“Fasting the day of ‘Arafaah expiates for two years, and the day of ‘Aashooraa’ expiates for one year. If when a person says ‘Aameen’ it coincides with the ‘Aameen’ of the angels, he will be forgiven all his previous sins… Each one of the things that we have mentioned will bring expiation. If there are minor sins for which expiation is needed, expiation for them will be accepted; if there are no minor sins or major sins, good deeds will be added to his account and he will be raised in status… If he had committed major sins but no minor sins, we hope that his major sins will be reduced.” (al-Majmoo’ Sharh al-Muhadhdhab, part 6, Sawm Yawm ‘Arafaah).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Tahaarah, salaah, and fasting in Ramadaan, on the day of ‘Arafaah and on ‘Aashooraa’ expiate for minor sins only.” (al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 5).

Not relying too much on the reward for fasting

ome people who are deceived rely too much on things like fasting on ‘Aashooraa’ or the day of ‘Arafaah, to the extent that some of them say, “Fasting on ‘Aashooraa’ will expiate for the sins of the whole year, and fasting on the day of ‘Arafaah will bring extra rewards.” Ibn al-Qayyim said: ‘This misguided person does not know that fasting in Ramadaan and praying five times a day are much more important than fasting on the day of ‘Arafaah and ‘Aashooraa’, and that they expiate for the sins between one Ramadaan and the next, or between one Friday and the next, so long as one avoids major sins. But they cannot expiate for minor sins unless one also avoids major sins; when the two things are put together, they have the strength to expiate for minor sins. Among those deceived people may be one who thinks that his good deeds are more than his sins, because he does not pay attention to his bad deeds or check on his sins, but if he does a good deed he remembers it and relies on it. This is like the one who seeks Allaah’s forgiveness with his tongue (i.e., by words only), and glorifies Allaah by saying “Subhaan Allaah” one hundred times a day, then he backbites about the Muslims and slanders their honour, and speaks all day long about things that are not pleasing to Allaah. This person is always thinking about the virtues of his tasbeehaat (saying “Subhaan Allaah”) and tahleelaat (saying “Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah”) but he pays no attention to what has been reported concerning those who backbite, tell lies and slander others, or commit other sins of the tongue. They are completely deceived.” (al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, part 31, Ghuroor).

Fasting ‘Aashooraa’ when one still has days to make up from Ramadaan

The fuqahaa’ differed concerning the ruling on observing voluntary fasts before a person has made up days that he or she did not fast in Ramadaan. The Hanafis said that it is permissible to observe voluntary fasts before making up days from Ramadaan, and it is not makrooh to do so, because the missed days do not have to be made up straight away. The Maalikis and Shaafa’is said that it is permissible but is makrooh, because it means that one is delaying something obligatory. Al-Dusooqi said: “It is makrooh to observe a voluntary fast when one still has to make up an obligatory fast, such as a fast in fulfilment of a vow, or a missed obligatory fast, or a fast done as an act of expiation (kafaarah), whether the voluntary fast which is being given priority over an obligatory fast is something confirmed in sharee’ah or not, such as ‘Aashooraa’ and the ninth of Dhoo’l-Hijjah, according to the most correct opinion.” The Hanbalis said that it is haraam to observe a voluntary fast before making up any fasts missed in Ramadaan, and that a voluntary fast in such cases does not count, even if there is plenty of time to make up the obligatory fast. So a person must give priority to the obligatory fasts until he has made them up.. (al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, part 28, Sawm al-tatawwu’).

Muslims must hasten to make up any missed fasts after Ramadaan, so that they will be able to fast ‘Arafaah and ‘Aashooraa’ without any problem. If a person fasts ‘Arafaah and ‘Aashooraa’ with the intention from the night before of making up for a missed fast, this will be good enough to make up what he has missed, for the bounty of Allaah is great.

(to be continued…)

If the onset of Dhul-Hijjah has been proven and a person wants to offer a sacrifice, it is haraam for him to remove anything from the hair on his body or to cut his nails or any part of his skin. It is not forbidden for him to wear new clothes or to put on henna or perfume, or to be intimate with his wife or have intercourse with her.

This ruling applies only to the one who is going to offer the sacrifice, and not to the rest of his family, and not to the one whom he appoints to slaughter the sacrifice on his behalf. None of these things are forbidden for his wife or children, or for his deputy.

No differentiation is made between men and women with regard to this ruling. If a woman wants to offer a sacrifice on her own behalf, whether she is married or not, then she should refrain from removing any hair from her body or cutting her nails, because of the general meaning of the texts which state that that is not allowed.

This is not called ihraam, because there is no ihraam except during the rituals of Hajj and Umrah, and the one who is in ihraam wears the ihraam garments and refrains from wearing perfume, having intercourse, and hunting, but all of these things are permissible for the one who wants to offer a sacrifice after the month of Dhul-Hijjah begins. He is not forbidden to do anything except cut his hair, trim his nails or remove anything from his skin.

It was narrated from Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When you see the new moon of Dhul-Hijjah, and one of you wants to offer a sacrifice, let him refrain from (removing anything) from his hair or nails.” Narrated by Muslim, 1977. According to another version: “Let him not remove anything of his hair or skin.”

The scholars of the Standing Committee said:

It is prescribed for the one who wants to offer a sacrifice, when the month of Dhul-Hijjah begins, that he should not remove anything from his hair, nails or skin until he has offered the sacrifice, because of the report narrated by the group apart from al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on them), from Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When you see the new moon of Dhul-Hijjah, and one of you wants to offer a sacrifice, let him refrain from (removing anything) from his hair or nails.”

According to a version narrated by Abu Dawood, Muslim and al-Nasaai: “Whoever has a sacrifice to offer, when the new moon of Dhul-Hijjah begins, let him not remove anything from his hair or nails until he has offered the sacrifice” – whether he is going to slaughter the sacrifice himself or has asked someone else to slaughter it on his behalf. As for the one on whose behalf the sacrifice is being offered, that is not prescribed in his case, because there is no report to that effect. That is not called ihraam, rather ihraam refers to the one who enters ihraam for Hajj or ‘Umrah or both. End quote.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daaimah, 11/397, 398

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:

They replied:

The hadeeth indicates that it is not allowed to remove anything from the hair or nails after the first ten days of Dhul-Hijjah begin, for the one who wants to offer a sacrifice. The first report includes a command to refrain, which basically implies that refraining is obligatory, and we do not know of any reason to interpret it otherwise. The second report includes the prohibition on removing anything, which basically implies that it is haraam, and we do not know of any reason to interpret it otherwise. Thus it is clear that this hadeeth applies only to the one who wants to offer the sacrifice. As for the one on whose behalf the sacrifice is being offered, whether he is old or young he is not forbidden to remove anything from his hair, skin or nails, based on the basic principle, which is that these actions are permitted. We do not know of any evidence to the contrary. End quote.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daaimah, 11/426, 427

Secondly:

None of these things are haraam for the one who does not intend to offer a sacrifice because he is unable to. Whoever removes anything from his hair or nails although he plans to offer a sacrifice does not have to offer any fidyah (ransom), but he has to repent and seek forgiveness.

(islam-qa)